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trans2007-05-07 04:41 pm
banshee1067.livejournal.com) wrote in trans2007-05-07 04:41 pm
Entry tags:
Clothes Shopping?
Went to South Coast Plaza today, a big mall in Costa Mesa. Their anchor stores are Bloomingdale's, Macy's, and Nordstrom and it's seen as one of many "high class malls" in Orange County, along with Fashion Island and, to a slightly lesser extent, the Irvine Spectrum.
I never, ever buy clothes. As my pic will demonstrate, I'm not in any shape to be buying myself anything nice, so I tend to take quick outlet shopping trips to carry me along, even though I'm smart enough to see the cut rate outlet fare. It doesn't help that most guy stuff is, to my mind, uninspired and bland. You can dress like a 15-year-old or like a 50-year-old, and sorry, but I don't like nor look good in T-shirts and jeans.
Once again, I left empty handed, partially because there was nothing I even had the guts to try on. Most of the time I feel like somebody's dad while I'm there, and I try to avoid the salespeople, partially because some try to establish rapport by talking about sports I must have played, etc.
The funny thing is, I noticed a lot of women's clothes in store windows, and found a lot of it pretty nice. On me, they would have been an ugly joke, but they'd look pretty on a girl.
Right now I feel like locking myself away in my room, I hate myself and what I see in the mirror so much. There will never be an end to this because being big and bald is ugly. That's just how I feel, and because of my shitty genetics (my younger brother is only six feet tall, average build, with a full, thick head of hair), I feel like killing myself. It's either that or live in this ugly, hideous body. I already have given up dating, because why would I want to date a girl who would want some big manly guy to protect her?
I guess there's nothing anyone can say anymore. I don't want someone to try and convince me that being big and bald is attractive...I mean, who are they trying to fool? I refuse to believe that looks don't matter, because that's just something ugly people say to feel better.
A few years ago, I would have stood in front of the mirror and beaten myself into a bloody nose or a fat lip as "punishment" for what I saw in the mirror. In my last college dorm room, I cleaned the blood off the walls when I moved out. I don't bother doing that now.
I've lost hope, and I don't know what to do, and I don't think there's anything anyone can say to change things. An ugly pig like me doesn't deserve a relationship.
I never, ever buy clothes. As my pic will demonstrate, I'm not in any shape to be buying myself anything nice, so I tend to take quick outlet shopping trips to carry me along, even though I'm smart enough to see the cut rate outlet fare. It doesn't help that most guy stuff is, to my mind, uninspired and bland. You can dress like a 15-year-old or like a 50-year-old, and sorry, but I don't like nor look good in T-shirts and jeans.
Once again, I left empty handed, partially because there was nothing I even had the guts to try on. Most of the time I feel like somebody's dad while I'm there, and I try to avoid the salespeople, partially because some try to establish rapport by talking about sports I must have played, etc.
The funny thing is, I noticed a lot of women's clothes in store windows, and found a lot of it pretty nice. On me, they would have been an ugly joke, but they'd look pretty on a girl.
Right now I feel like locking myself away in my room, I hate myself and what I see in the mirror so much. There will never be an end to this because being big and bald is ugly. That's just how I feel, and because of my shitty genetics (my younger brother is only six feet tall, average build, with a full, thick head of hair), I feel like killing myself. It's either that or live in this ugly, hideous body. I already have given up dating, because why would I want to date a girl who would want some big manly guy to protect her?
I guess there's nothing anyone can say anymore. I don't want someone to try and convince me that being big and bald is attractive...I mean, who are they trying to fool? I refuse to believe that looks don't matter, because that's just something ugly people say to feel better.
A few years ago, I would have stood in front of the mirror and beaten myself into a bloody nose or a fat lip as "punishment" for what I saw in the mirror. In my last college dorm room, I cleaned the blood off the walls when I moved out. I don't bother doing that now.
I've lost hope, and I don't know what to do, and I don't think there's anything anyone can say to change things. An ugly pig like me doesn't deserve a relationship.