http://perttu-kitty.livejournal.com/ (![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png)
perttu-kitty.livejournal.com) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
trans2007-08-07 11:00 pm
perttu-kitty.livejournal.com) wrote in trans2007-08-07 11:00 pm
Entry tags:
Letters from my family...
The Following letters were in response to A coming out letter I sent to all the relatives on my Dad's side of the family. I just thought I would share there responses...
Dear *Person *
I would like to inform you all of something important that is happening in my life. Over the past year or so I have been intensely exploring who I am.
I have gender identity disorder meaning I was born with a male body, but I have a female gender identity. It's something I've dealt with for as long as I can remember, mostly by trying to it was not there. Growing up was hard enough, but I also had to deal with growing up in a way that felt completely and utterly wrong. I pretended that I really was a guy from skin to soul, and actually ended up doing a pretty good job of it, for the most part. I made some friends and even had a few girlfriends, granted one of them dumped me for not being enough of a boyfriend. But it all felt hollow to me. Every time I looked in the mirror I saw a strangers face and not my own. Whenever I tried to have a relationship my gender issues kept getting in the way. I felt like I was living a stunted existence.
Something had to break, and in April of 2006, I finally admitted to myself that continuing to run from the fact would only make things worse. Of course, by acknowledging that, I had just cast my entire future into doubt. How was being transgender going to affect my family? What about my friends? My job prospects? I didn't have any answers at first, but after months of late night conversations with my friends, I finally laid most of my fears to rest. With their support I decided that the only way for me to be at peace with myself was to transition from male to female.
To understand transgender people, you need to understand the concept of gender identity. It is an unfamiliar term to most people because it’s something that the vast majority of people never have to think about. The gender between your ears is the same as the one on your birth certificate, and that’s that. For transpeople, things are not so simple. There’s a disconnect between the way that we see ourselves and the role we’re expected to play by society. When we inevitably end up acting in like ‘tomboys’ or ‘sissies,’ we end up getting ostracized by our peers. To make things even worse, during puberty we end up changing in ways that make us feel like our own body is betraying us.
Thankfully there is a way for a transpeople to live reasonably normal lives: transition. It’s a process that tends to get glossed over by the media as ‘getting a sex change,’ equating the surgery at the end to the process itself, but this not only trivializes the experience, it misses the point. Transpeople do not just go out and ‘get a sex change,’ as if they were getting a facelift or a boob job. Transition is an extremely long process, with a duration measured in years. Typically, transition begins with seeing a psychotherapist for an extended period followed by hormone replacement therapy, allowing the transitioner to gradually slip into the gender role they identify with. Think of it as a second puberty, only this time with professional supervision. It’s usually only after someone has been living in their desired gender role for a year or more that they opt for sex reassignment surgery. And even then, many people don't get it done, either because they don't see it as necessary, or because they can't afford it.
I've been in transition since the spring of 2006. I have been seeing a therapist since October of 2006 and have been taking female hormones for several months now. The physical changes that have occurred have been striking, to me anyways. My skin has softened, my body fat has shifted into more typically feminine locations, and my face has taken on a more feminine shape. But far more subtle and far more satisfying have been the psychological changes. I feel freer and much more relaxed now. For the first 21 years of my life, it was as if I had to filter out everything about me that was not masculine in order to fit in. It took a lot of the color and spontaneity out of life. But now I'm starting to get rid of the filter, and finally meet the world on my own terms.
So since I will be transitioning to female I will also be changing my name to Lilly Alexander ~LastName~. So, I would appreciate it if, from now on, you would call me Lilly and use feminine pronouns when referring to me. If you slip up, it's no big deal; I will just give you a little reminder. The wrong pronoun can end up outing me in some instances, though, so I do ask that you make an effort. I know, it will be a little weird at first. I am still the same person, though. Just think of all this as a new take on an old friend.
And now it's time for me to step off my soapbox. If you have any questions that I haven't covered in this letter, please, don't hesitate to ask. And one more thing: thank you. While not everyone was in the loop over the last year, my relationships with all of you have still been a huge source of strength and support for me.
It really is amazing. Life is just so good now, and it gets better with each passing day.
Lilly,
We are right there with you. A bit sorry to hear of the difficult struggle and happy to hear that you have resolved the important decision. Let us know if there is anything we can do to help. Meanwhile, we will practice welcoming a new niece into our family and we look forward to having a new admiration for that long blonde hair.
with love and hugs,
Aunt M and Uncle J
Lilly,
Thank you for having the courage to share your experience with all of us. We love you and support you. I'm happy for you that you are doing what you need to do to be happy.
This email is very eloquently written, and really explains what it means to be in transition, thank you for putting so much thought into it.
It'll take me some time to get used to your new 'name' and of course, new identity, but I'm excited to be a part of the process. Please let me know if there is anything I can do to help.
Love you,
L
Well, that was a little surprising. We were impressed with your nail polish last summer, but we just figured that you were goofing around. We're glad for you and totally support you. Hope all is well and let us know if there is anything that we can do.
Love
D, A, E and L.
P.S., Can't wait to see the family news letter at Christmas time ;-)
Dear Lilly,
I'm glad to welcome my new neice. It must be such a relief to have come to this point in your journey. I can't imagine how hard the struggle has been. Luckily you were born into a warm and loving family who will grow right along with you. I look forward to getting to know the real you.
Love,
E
Lilly,
Ever thought about being a writer? Your email was ridiculously well written. Anyway my mom called after the big family dinner and told me and my dad about everything. I asked her a bunch of questions and between her answers and your email, I think I'm pretty clear about everything. I think it's important for you to know that family is family is family and you got my support.
Also, just to explain something about myself, I'm big on information and I like to fully understand things so I think about them more clearly. I'm just telling you this because I'll probably ask a bunch of questions in the coming months/years and I don't want you to think it's disrespectful or anything, it's just how I am. Let me know if anything is inappropriate. Having said that, I have three questions:
1. Was there a catalyst in April 2006 that made you decide to start transitioning? If so, then what?
2. The pamphlet you attached (very helpful btw) says that one's identity, not one's physical status determines their sexual orientation, true for you?
3. This question was actually asked by my dad, and I realized I couldn't give a satisfactory explanation, so it became a question for both of us: you mentioned the importance of using Lilly and female pronouns because otherwise it might "out" you. We were just wondering about what the "out" means. Bear in mind, we're not questioning or undermining the importance of your name and pronouns, we will use them, just confused about the "out."
I'm glad you're being realistic and matter of fact about this, this is rather shocking change, and definitely something I've never encountered on a personal level, however I feel pretty clear about it so far, and suprisingly comfortable. I admire your courage and self-assuredness.
J
PS This is sort of unrelated, but make sure you stop by my place in Boston sometime.
PPS haha one more question, I saw you fairly recently and your voice sounded the same, is that gonna change?
Love,
Lilly A. Noodle, Queen Of The Waffle
=^_^=
Dear *Person *
I would like to inform you all of something important that is happening in my life. Over the past year or so I have been intensely exploring who I am.
I have gender identity disorder meaning I was born with a male body, but I have a female gender identity. It's something I've dealt with for as long as I can remember, mostly by trying to it was not there. Growing up was hard enough, but I also had to deal with growing up in a way that felt completely and utterly wrong. I pretended that I really was a guy from skin to soul, and actually ended up doing a pretty good job of it, for the most part. I made some friends and even had a few girlfriends, granted one of them dumped me for not being enough of a boyfriend. But it all felt hollow to me. Every time I looked in the mirror I saw a strangers face and not my own. Whenever I tried to have a relationship my gender issues kept getting in the way. I felt like I was living a stunted existence.
Something had to break, and in April of 2006, I finally admitted to myself that continuing to run from the fact would only make things worse. Of course, by acknowledging that, I had just cast my entire future into doubt. How was being transgender going to affect my family? What about my friends? My job prospects? I didn't have any answers at first, but after months of late night conversations with my friends, I finally laid most of my fears to rest. With their support I decided that the only way for me to be at peace with myself was to transition from male to female.
To understand transgender people, you need to understand the concept of gender identity. It is an unfamiliar term to most people because it’s something that the vast majority of people never have to think about. The gender between your ears is the same as the one on your birth certificate, and that’s that. For transpeople, things are not so simple. There’s a disconnect between the way that we see ourselves and the role we’re expected to play by society. When we inevitably end up acting in like ‘tomboys’ or ‘sissies,’ we end up getting ostracized by our peers. To make things even worse, during puberty we end up changing in ways that make us feel like our own body is betraying us.
Thankfully there is a way for a transpeople to live reasonably normal lives: transition. It’s a process that tends to get glossed over by the media as ‘getting a sex change,’ equating the surgery at the end to the process itself, but this not only trivializes the experience, it misses the point. Transpeople do not just go out and ‘get a sex change,’ as if they were getting a facelift or a boob job. Transition is an extremely long process, with a duration measured in years. Typically, transition begins with seeing a psychotherapist for an extended period followed by hormone replacement therapy, allowing the transitioner to gradually slip into the gender role they identify with. Think of it as a second puberty, only this time with professional supervision. It’s usually only after someone has been living in their desired gender role for a year or more that they opt for sex reassignment surgery. And even then, many people don't get it done, either because they don't see it as necessary, or because they can't afford it.
I've been in transition since the spring of 2006. I have been seeing a therapist since October of 2006 and have been taking female hormones for several months now. The physical changes that have occurred have been striking, to me anyways. My skin has softened, my body fat has shifted into more typically feminine locations, and my face has taken on a more feminine shape. But far more subtle and far more satisfying have been the psychological changes. I feel freer and much more relaxed now. For the first 21 years of my life, it was as if I had to filter out everything about me that was not masculine in order to fit in. It took a lot of the color and spontaneity out of life. But now I'm starting to get rid of the filter, and finally meet the world on my own terms.
So since I will be transitioning to female I will also be changing my name to Lilly Alexander ~LastName~. So, I would appreciate it if, from now on, you would call me Lilly and use feminine pronouns when referring to me. If you slip up, it's no big deal; I will just give you a little reminder. The wrong pronoun can end up outing me in some instances, though, so I do ask that you make an effort. I know, it will be a little weird at first. I am still the same person, though. Just think of all this as a new take on an old friend.
And now it's time for me to step off my soapbox. If you have any questions that I haven't covered in this letter, please, don't hesitate to ask. And one more thing: thank you. While not everyone was in the loop over the last year, my relationships with all of you have still been a huge source of strength and support for me.
It really is amazing. Life is just so good now, and it gets better with each passing day.
Lilly,
We are right there with you. A bit sorry to hear of the difficult struggle and happy to hear that you have resolved the important decision. Let us know if there is anything we can do to help. Meanwhile, we will practice welcoming a new niece into our family and we look forward to having a new admiration for that long blonde hair.
with love and hugs,
Aunt M and Uncle J
Lilly,
Thank you for having the courage to share your experience with all of us. We love you and support you. I'm happy for you that you are doing what you need to do to be happy.
This email is very eloquently written, and really explains what it means to be in transition, thank you for putting so much thought into it.
It'll take me some time to get used to your new 'name' and of course, new identity, but I'm excited to be a part of the process. Please let me know if there is anything I can do to help.
Love you,
L
Well, that was a little surprising. We were impressed with your nail polish last summer, but we just figured that you were goofing around. We're glad for you and totally support you. Hope all is well and let us know if there is anything that we can do.
Love
D, A, E and L.
P.S., Can't wait to see the family news letter at Christmas time ;-)
Dear Lilly,
I'm glad to welcome my new neice. It must be such a relief to have come to this point in your journey. I can't imagine how hard the struggle has been. Luckily you were born into a warm and loving family who will grow right along with you. I look forward to getting to know the real you.
Love,
E
Lilly,
Ever thought about being a writer? Your email was ridiculously well written. Anyway my mom called after the big family dinner and told me and my dad about everything. I asked her a bunch of questions and between her answers and your email, I think I'm pretty clear about everything. I think it's important for you to know that family is family is family and you got my support.
Also, just to explain something about myself, I'm big on information and I like to fully understand things so I think about them more clearly. I'm just telling you this because I'll probably ask a bunch of questions in the coming months/years and I don't want you to think it's disrespectful or anything, it's just how I am. Let me know if anything is inappropriate. Having said that, I have three questions:
1. Was there a catalyst in April 2006 that made you decide to start transitioning? If so, then what?
2. The pamphlet you attached (very helpful btw) says that one's identity, not one's physical status determines their sexual orientation, true for you?
3. This question was actually asked by my dad, and I realized I couldn't give a satisfactory explanation, so it became a question for both of us: you mentioned the importance of using Lilly and female pronouns because otherwise it might "out" you. We were just wondering about what the "out" means. Bear in mind, we're not questioning or undermining the importance of your name and pronouns, we will use them, just confused about the "out."
I'm glad you're being realistic and matter of fact about this, this is rather shocking change, and definitely something I've never encountered on a personal level, however I feel pretty clear about it so far, and suprisingly comfortable. I admire your courage and self-assuredness.
J
PS This is sort of unrelated, but make sure you stop by my place in Boston sometime.
PPS haha one more question, I saw you fairly recently and your voice sounded the same, is that gonna change?
Love,
Lilly A. Noodle, Queen Of The Waffle
=^_^=