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trans2008-05-13 12:17 pm
nodesignation.livejournal.com) wrote in trans2008-05-13 12:17 pm
I was raised female too! [controversial] [cute]
During some of the discussions going on last week, there were a few times that was reduced to their assigned sex and the supposedly immutable differences that come with that, I decided it would be nice to expand upon a thought I had. There is the assumption that little girls and little boys are so different that the vast majority of their experiences are distinct from each other. I don’t agree with that in general, but when we’re talking about trans folks’ childhoods, it gets even more blurry.
All this discussion about childhood experiences and the need for assigned-sex exclusive spaces got me thinking about my own childhood. I decided to talk with my mom about it. She’d have a unique perspective on my childhood, having been present for much of it. Interestingly, the two of us could not think of any specific aspect of male privilege I had experienced – perhaps subtle things that could not solidly be attributed to privilege (or to the male variety), but nothing solidly identifiable.
Now, normally, if a trans woman says she didn’t have male privilege growing up, the response is that she’s obviously just unaware of it. Because prior to transition, we’re just like all the other boys, right? Well, between my mom and me, we’ve got over half a century of feminist activism and experience. She was an editor for a second wave feminist magazine, I got a degree in women and gender studies. Now, that’s not to say you can’t know what you’re talking about without such credentials, but please, at least give us the benefit of the doubt that our opinions are not coming from ignorance.
Sigh. I’m afraid for some people that still won’t be enough. Fine, if you won’t take my word for it, seeing is believing. I cracked open my childhood photo album, you can see what I’m talking about.
I was a cute little feminist girl. Both my moms worked at the feminist newspaper and I spent my days being passed from ‘auntie’ to ‘auntie.’ For my most formative years I almost never left the sanctuary of feminist women’s spaces. There was no one particular moment when I learned about feminism, it was as much a part of my life as food, water, and air. And because my favorite color was pink, I was passing as a girl regularly during this point in my life.
I regularly went to women’s music festivals. You can see me here at the West Coast Women’s Music Festival. And I’m sure I don’t need to tell you, if there’s one place where you don’t get privilege for being assigned male, it’s at a women’s music festival.
My style wasn’t exactly, feminine, but it’s clear that I was a dyke from the start. Here’s a great picture of me as a baby butch.
My mom is a photographer, here she’s teaching me how to use a camera.
She taught me many things. My mom took me camping from a young age, but when I got older she took me backpacking and taught me some how to take care of myself with just the contents of my pack.
Feminist values told me to be strong and knowledgeable. These were all skills that I’d need to have if I were to survive in a patriarchal society and advocate for needed progressive change and liberation. She taught me how to write, articulate a point, be assertive, confident, and persuasive. Because when you’re challenging patriarchy you’re going to be dismissed unless you can make a very strong case for yourself.
Some of those are skills that might be associated with male privilege. And I thought for a moment about having been on the math team and on the debate team. Those are typically male dominated fields, did I receive male privilege there? But once I thought about it, the math team was all girls with a feminist teacher as our math coach. She was very big on encouraging girls to excel in math (not to mention that the substitute teacher still read me as female). And the debate team was in the same dynamic right up until I joined and a few guys joined at the same time.
In middle school I started exploring different aspects of gender. I did drag for the first time. I used techniques from a theater makeup class, not a drag king class, so it's interesting to see how my approach to facial hair has changed since then.
Also, about this time I had a very memorable moment. Having been raised in the era of androdykes, I had always been more on the butch side of things. But for a friends party, I wanted to try being more femme – andro-femme that is. The second my parents heard I wanted to try femme, they went overboard. They styled my hair, they got me some jewelry, they got me some really femme clothes. I kinda went along with it, because it was interesting to see how the look turned out, but it wasn’t really what I wanted. I fought them on the styling my hair for a bit, but eventually gave in.
Places like the math and debate team became very important women’s spaces for me. In high school, my access to those spaces dwindled. I wasn’t allowed into the women’s music festivals anymore, there wasn’t a math team, and I had long since moved away from the feminist community and the other feminist kids I grew up with. So I sought out my own women’s spaces. In high school, I went along as a “guest” with my partner to the Women’s Student Union. After she graduated, I joined the group and attended meetings regularly (but was asked not to show up to some of the meetings).
My partner was also involved with the Young Women’s Theater Collective, which I was incredibly jealous of. After being a hanger-on for a few years, they decided to have a “with guys” show that I was allowed to perform in as well.
That was my senior year. After I graduated high school, was on my own, and more grown up, I started getting gendered as a man for the first time in my life. I had been able to handle being gendered as a boy, I mean, my mom was gendered as a boy now and then too. But being gendered as a man freaked me out. Within six months after leaving high school, I came out as genderqueer, and thus began my conscious exploration of gender and trans identities. I pretty confidently say that I’ve spent virtually none of my life as a man, because the second that began to happen, I became a lot more assertive about my gender identity.
Now that story is certainly a specific selection, I chose the pictures and stories that represented this point best, but I only say that "I grew up female" tongue in cheek. And I'd still say this an accurate representation of my childhood. The point that I'm trying to make is that there is no line in the sand between growing up “male” or growing up “female.” There may be trends, but in most cases, anything that someone assigned female has experienced, there’s someone assigned male who’s experienced it (and vice versa). Granted, this isn’t the case for certain biological issues, but when talking about being socialized male or female, much of it is, well, social.
Any thoughts on this? Anyone have their own trans stories about "growing up (fe)male"? Anyone disagree with me entirely?
Edit: To clarify again, I'm not saying that there is no difference between my experience and that of someone recognized as female by most/all folks around them, nor am I saying that I have experienced zero male privilege.
I'm trying to bring a more nuanced approach to the issue, such as the "straight privilege" that bisexual folks experience, the "white privilege" that light skinned people of color experience, or the "straight privilege" that queer folks "raised straight" by straight parents have.
All this discussion about childhood experiences and the need for assigned-sex exclusive spaces got me thinking about my own childhood. I decided to talk with my mom about it. She’d have a unique perspective on my childhood, having been present for much of it. Interestingly, the two of us could not think of any specific aspect of male privilege I had experienced – perhaps subtle things that could not solidly be attributed to privilege (or to the male variety), but nothing solidly identifiable.
Now, normally, if a trans woman says she didn’t have male privilege growing up, the response is that she’s obviously just unaware of it. Because prior to transition, we’re just like all the other boys, right? Well, between my mom and me, we’ve got over half a century of feminist activism and experience. She was an editor for a second wave feminist magazine, I got a degree in women and gender studies. Now, that’s not to say you can’t know what you’re talking about without such credentials, but please, at least give us the benefit of the doubt that our opinions are not coming from ignorance.
Sigh. I’m afraid for some people that still won’t be enough. Fine, if you won’t take my word for it, seeing is believing. I cracked open my childhood photo album, you can see what I’m talking about.
I was a cute little feminist girl. Both my moms worked at the feminist newspaper and I spent my days being passed from ‘auntie’ to ‘auntie.’ For my most formative years I almost never left the sanctuary of feminist women’s spaces. There was no one particular moment when I learned about feminism, it was as much a part of my life as food, water, and air. And because my favorite color was pink, I was passing as a girl regularly during this point in my life.
I regularly went to women’s music festivals. You can see me here at the West Coast Women’s Music Festival. And I’m sure I don’t need to tell you, if there’s one place where you don’t get privilege for being assigned male, it’s at a women’s music festival.
My style wasn’t exactly, feminine, but it’s clear that I was a dyke from the start. Here’s a great picture of me as a baby butch.
My mom is a photographer, here she’s teaching me how to use a camera.
She taught me many things. My mom took me camping from a young age, but when I got older she took me backpacking and taught me some how to take care of myself with just the contents of my pack.
Feminist values told me to be strong and knowledgeable. These were all skills that I’d need to have if I were to survive in a patriarchal society and advocate for needed progressive change and liberation. She taught me how to write, articulate a point, be assertive, confident, and persuasive. Because when you’re challenging patriarchy you’re going to be dismissed unless you can make a very strong case for yourself.
Some of those are skills that might be associated with male privilege. And I thought for a moment about having been on the math team and on the debate team. Those are typically male dominated fields, did I receive male privilege there? But once I thought about it, the math team was all girls with a feminist teacher as our math coach. She was very big on encouraging girls to excel in math (not to mention that the substitute teacher still read me as female). And the debate team was in the same dynamic right up until I joined and a few guys joined at the same time.
In middle school I started exploring different aspects of gender. I did drag for the first time. I used techniques from a theater makeup class, not a drag king class, so it's interesting to see how my approach to facial hair has changed since then.
Also, about this time I had a very memorable moment. Having been raised in the era of androdykes, I had always been more on the butch side of things. But for a friends party, I wanted to try being more femme – andro-femme that is. The second my parents heard I wanted to try femme, they went overboard. They styled my hair, they got me some jewelry, they got me some really femme clothes. I kinda went along with it, because it was interesting to see how the look turned out, but it wasn’t really what I wanted. I fought them on the styling my hair for a bit, but eventually gave in.
Places like the math and debate team became very important women’s spaces for me. In high school, my access to those spaces dwindled. I wasn’t allowed into the women’s music festivals anymore, there wasn’t a math team, and I had long since moved away from the feminist community and the other feminist kids I grew up with. So I sought out my own women’s spaces. In high school, I went along as a “guest” with my partner to the Women’s Student Union. After she graduated, I joined the group and attended meetings regularly (but was asked not to show up to some of the meetings).
My partner was also involved with the Young Women’s Theater Collective, which I was incredibly jealous of. After being a hanger-on for a few years, they decided to have a “with guys” show that I was allowed to perform in as well.
That was my senior year. After I graduated high school, was on my own, and more grown up, I started getting gendered as a man for the first time in my life. I had been able to handle being gendered as a boy, I mean, my mom was gendered as a boy now and then too. But being gendered as a man freaked me out. Within six months after leaving high school, I came out as genderqueer, and thus began my conscious exploration of gender and trans identities. I pretty confidently say that I’ve spent virtually none of my life as a man, because the second that began to happen, I became a lot more assertive about my gender identity.
Now that story is certainly a specific selection, I chose the pictures and stories that represented this point best, but I only say that "I grew up female" tongue in cheek. And I'd still say this an accurate representation of my childhood. The point that I'm trying to make is that there is no line in the sand between growing up “male” or growing up “female.” There may be trends, but in most cases, anything that someone assigned female has experienced, there’s someone assigned male who’s experienced it (and vice versa). Granted, this isn’t the case for certain biological issues, but when talking about being socialized male or female, much of it is, well, social.
Any thoughts on this? Anyone have their own trans stories about "growing up (fe)male"? Anyone disagree with me entirely?
Edit: To clarify again, I'm not saying that there is no difference between my experience and that of someone recognized as female by most/all folks around them, nor am I saying that I have experienced zero male privilege.
I'm trying to bring a more nuanced approach to the issue, such as the "straight privilege" that bisexual folks experience, the "white privilege" that light skinned people of color experience, or the "straight privilege" that queer folks "raised straight" by straight parents have.