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trans2011-03-14 11:04 am
diprotodontia.livejournal.com) wrote in trans2011-03-14 11:04 am
Entry tags:
Introduction & social awkward-ness.
Hi everyone!
I've been semi-active on other trans LJ groups, forums, etc. but I've never found myself posting here before, despite watching for a little while, but I thought it wouldn't hurt to get to know you guys and maybe get a little advice. :]
First of all, I'm Sam -- I'm a 20-year-old FTM from Pennsylvania. I came out at 15 and started T at 16. I just had top surgery this past December and don't have any concrete plans for bottom surgery as of yet. I identify as gay and I'm in a long-term (4 & 1/2 years!) relationship with another FTM. We've lived together for the past year and a bit.
I'm going into my fourth year of college. I'm an English major with minors in Philosophy and Biology and I am interested in going into some sort of paleontology-related field after graduate school, but if that doesn't work out I will most likely go for literature.
Anyway, that's about all there is to know about me. :P I'm generally a well-adjusted person, I think. I do very well in school and tend not to stand out for very much other than that. :]
I find that I just don't jive with the male social role. It's really a shame about this transgender thing because I think (socially) I would have been quite happy being female.
My interests are extremely feminine (as far as what western society deems so). Most of my income comes from taking commissions for crocheted plushies and accessories (I literally make more from that than my part-time job, lul). I *LOVE* cute things, blah blah blah. I am just all-in-all not very good at being a social male, and I'm worried about seeming like a giant creep as I get older.
I feel like it's kind of acceptable (now) to have feminine interests, as like many FTMs I appear probably a few years younger than I actually am, am quite small, etc. I feel like with the youth thing going for me, it's okay for me to be kind of girly, on top of being perceived as gay usually.
I'm just afraid that my feminine interests will come across as "creepy" as I get older and it becomes less acceptable for me to, say, have Hello Kitty notebooks & things. :] I'm not even sure how acceptable it is now! I don't feel threatened (personally) by the difference between how I feel and how I want my body to be, but I'm worried other people might be threatened by it.
Is there any way to navigate the world as an emerging adult who would generally like to be read as male and yet still be allowed access to cute/feminine/girly things? Especially with a trans past? I'm worried that it makes people doubt my transition. I read 100% male and really have since like a few months on T, as I wasn't very female-appearing before T to begin with. Sometimes I like to think that I will go ahead and eliminate some more gendering factors like body hair because I actually am a lot more comfortable presenting as somewhat androgynous than I am as strictly masculine, but I am worried people will think I've gone nuts.
Help?
I've been semi-active on other trans LJ groups, forums, etc. but I've never found myself posting here before, despite watching for a little while, but I thought it wouldn't hurt to get to know you guys and maybe get a little advice. :]
First of all, I'm Sam -- I'm a 20-year-old FTM from Pennsylvania. I came out at 15 and started T at 16. I just had top surgery this past December and don't have any concrete plans for bottom surgery as of yet. I identify as gay and I'm in a long-term (4 & 1/2 years!) relationship with another FTM. We've lived together for the past year and a bit.
I'm going into my fourth year of college. I'm an English major with minors in Philosophy and Biology and I am interested in going into some sort of paleontology-related field after graduate school, but if that doesn't work out I will most likely go for literature.
Anyway, that's about all there is to know about me. :P I'm generally a well-adjusted person, I think. I do very well in school and tend not to stand out for very much other than that. :]
I find that I just don't jive with the male social role. It's really a shame about this transgender thing because I think (socially) I would have been quite happy being female.
My interests are extremely feminine (as far as what western society deems so). Most of my income comes from taking commissions for crocheted plushies and accessories (I literally make more from that than my part-time job, lul). I *LOVE* cute things, blah blah blah. I am just all-in-all not very good at being a social male, and I'm worried about seeming like a giant creep as I get older.
I feel like it's kind of acceptable (now) to have feminine interests, as like many FTMs I appear probably a few years younger than I actually am, am quite small, etc. I feel like with the youth thing going for me, it's okay for me to be kind of girly, on top of being perceived as gay usually.
I'm just afraid that my feminine interests will come across as "creepy" as I get older and it becomes less acceptable for me to, say, have Hello Kitty notebooks & things. :] I'm not even sure how acceptable it is now! I don't feel threatened (personally) by the difference between how I feel and how I want my body to be, but I'm worried other people might be threatened by it.
Is there any way to navigate the world as an emerging adult who would generally like to be read as male and yet still be allowed access to cute/feminine/girly things? Especially with a trans past? I'm worried that it makes people doubt my transition. I read 100% male and really have since like a few months on T, as I wasn't very female-appearing before T to begin with. Sometimes I like to think that I will go ahead and eliminate some more gendering factors like body hair because I actually am a lot more comfortable presenting as somewhat androgynous than I am as strictly masculine, but I am worried people will think I've gone nuts.
Help?