ext_4170 (![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png)
teddybearsue.livejournal.com) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
trans2004-01-24 11:14 pm
teddybearsue.livejournal.com) wrote in trans2004-01-24 11:14 pm
A very long poem on Gender Dysphoria
As this may be triggering to anyone dealing with severe Gender identity issues or Gender Dysphoria I've put this behind an LJ cut.
To reach out and hug someone
hold them when they need
the love and caring I feel
to heal their pain
and remain a whole person
not a wounded soul
fighting self hatred
is the first real peace I've known.
To reach out in pain
and feel whole. allow you to touch
to hug, to cry in your arms
enjoy blessed relief of physical pain
massaged sore muscles as a whole person
not a shattered half person in torment.
From the pain of every movement, gesture
every step I take a constant reminder
of the hated presence of a reminder of deformity
soul crying with every step "not mine, not me"
having people admire or laugh about, grope
something so alien and foreign to who I am
and set myself free from this pain.
Wanting to live and love and be free
to walk outside the house, laugh, talk,
to relax in the presence of people
to be myself without the pain
to have others accept me, see me
as the loving, caring man I am inside
not the deformed twisted soul I've become
self hating, longing to end the pain
set myself free when those
who hold the key to my being me
can't see the torment of every waking minute.
Gender dysphoria - so weak the words
no intellectual understanding can feel the pain
of being held to ransom by those with the power
to set me free to live! Why can't they understand the torment
For us there is only one choice
Change or die! Fast from suicide
or slowly from the pain of self hatred.
Having to lay bare that pain again, again!
while doctors probe our soul, are we good enough
hurting enough to earn their help
to set us free to live - what gives them the right
to decide how long we have to wait to live!
Long born embryo, in constant torment
pleading for permission and acceptance
with those who hold the power to decide
whether they will let us in to life!
You try for one minute
to feel the pain of running a doctor's maze
hoping, begging through the pain
for approval to live the life everyone else has
The right to life fight from an adult embryo.
Please set me free to live a normal life
How dare they deny us the right
Hold the power to say yes or no
To our right to live the life that they enjoy
Shattered self hating freak or loving caring human
who named you god with the power to set us free?
Why do we have to show the depth of our pain
before you'll allow us the key to life
before you'll allow us the key to life
to correct a birth defect - this is no choice we make
but a deep soul's need for your permission to be!
(C) Simon Maynard 24 January 2004
44 year old female to male (ftm) transsexual.
To reach out and hug someone
hold them when they need
the love and caring I feel
to heal their pain
and remain a whole person
not a wounded soul
fighting self hatred
is the first real peace I've known.
To reach out in pain
and feel whole. allow you to touch
to hug, to cry in your arms
enjoy blessed relief of physical pain
massaged sore muscles as a whole person
not a shattered half person in torment.
From the pain of every movement, gesture
every step I take a constant reminder
of the hated presence of a reminder of deformity
soul crying with every step "not mine, not me"
having people admire or laugh about, grope
something so alien and foreign to who I am
and set myself free from this pain.
Wanting to live and love and be free
to walk outside the house, laugh, talk,
to relax in the presence of people
to be myself without the pain
to have others accept me, see me
as the loving, caring man I am inside
not the deformed twisted soul I've become
self hating, longing to end the pain
set myself free when those
who hold the key to my being me
can't see the torment of every waking minute.
Gender dysphoria - so weak the words
no intellectual understanding can feel the pain
of being held to ransom by those with the power
to set me free to live! Why can't they understand the torment
For us there is only one choice
Change or die! Fast from suicide
or slowly from the pain of self hatred.
Having to lay bare that pain again, again!
while doctors probe our soul, are we good enough
hurting enough to earn their help
to set us free to live - what gives them the right
to decide how long we have to wait to live!
Long born embryo, in constant torment
pleading for permission and acceptance
with those who hold the power to decide
whether they will let us in to life!
You try for one minute
to feel the pain of running a doctor's maze
hoping, begging through the pain
for approval to live the life everyone else has
The right to life fight from an adult embryo.
Please set me free to live a normal life
How dare they deny us the right
Hold the power to say yes or no
To our right to live the life that they enjoy
Shattered self hating freak or loving caring human
who named you god with the power to set us free?
Why do we have to show the depth of our pain
before you'll allow us the key to life
before you'll allow us the key to life
to correct a birth defect - this is no choice we make
but a deep soul's need for your permission to be!
(C) Simon Maynard 24 January 2004
44 year old female to male (ftm) transsexual.