trans | (no subject)

I have joined this group a while back but never posted. I guess now would be the perfect time. -sigh- You see, I have no idea where I would classify myself. I am an 18-year-old who has come to the realization that I do not feel like a girl but I do not feel like a boy, either. I wish to dress and look like a boy but with feminine features. I can not act upon my wishes, however, because my parents do not approve of the behavior. It is my plan that when I have the money, I will have surgery to remove my breasts. Is this so wrong? I have no idea. I don't know what I am... If this wasn't bad enough, since my parents will eventually grow to dislike me because of this... I prefer MtF or an FtM as my soulmate. I know it's weird but that's way I feel. I have this dream of having at least one child though, that's why I am afraid to have a surgery to become an FtM. I hate myself. >_< I hope this post wasn't an annoyance to anyone. Comments are welcome and hopefully will help me.

Love, Suja <3