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trans2004-07-06 10:49 pm
finallyfree89.livejournal.com) wrote in trans2004-07-06 10:49 pm
hi
I'm kindah new at all this. my name is paul i'm a 15 year old FtM, i came out as a lesbian at first, then slowly reserched and a month ago i came out to my family and friends as transgendered.
i'm open about everything, the thing is that i find myself being scared about this most of the time. i have support from my friends and my g'f and my mom would rather not even think about it, but i still get scared. there is suposed to be this group near me for FtM's (weXist is the name)it's just that i keep chickening out. i'm afraid that part of me won't fit in and i won't have anyone t o relate to, i'm also afraid that i'm taking away the person people have come to know and love, though it is basically just my looks that are changeing..i'm afraid they will hate me for turning into a "diffrent" person.
i know i am doing this so i can be happy, but should i risk my friends for my own happyness?and how many people do i have to scare or freak out before it is alright?
to top this off i'm supposed to be writing an article for my friends "zine" i started writing but then i became afraid if i wrote to much, or what if it's to me and what chances am i taking by bringing this alive in my world and to my friends? what doors am i opening that should be kept closed?
¤paul
i'm open about everything, the thing is that i find myself being scared about this most of the time. i have support from my friends and my g'f and my mom would rather not even think about it, but i still get scared. there is suposed to be this group near me for FtM's (weXist is the name)it's just that i keep chickening out. i'm afraid that part of me won't fit in and i won't have anyone t o relate to, i'm also afraid that i'm taking away the person people have come to know and love, though it is basically just my looks that are changeing..i'm afraid they will hate me for turning into a "diffrent" person.
i know i am doing this so i can be happy, but should i risk my friends for my own happyness?and how many people do i have to scare or freak out before it is alright?
to top this off i'm supposed to be writing an article for my friends "zine" i started writing but then i became afraid if i wrote to much, or what if it's to me and what chances am i taking by bringing this alive in my world and to my friends? what doors am i opening that should be kept closed?
¤paul