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trans2001-11-25 06:22 pm
denebrhobe.livejournal.com) wrote in trans2001-11-25 06:22 pm
dilemma
I have a bit of a problem. I've already talked it over with my lover, and it would probably be best if she not read this.
Basically, I need hormones. I feel like I've reached an impasse, and that hormones are the thing that's missing. So I'm planning on ordering them online, rather than wait until the end of time for a prescription.
There's a flurry of factors going on here that make this a very tricky matter for me.
My lover is generally very supportive of me with my gender issues (she admits to getting incredibly turned on when I'm dressed as a woman!) However, she does not want me to acquire my own hormones without a prescription. She's worried about me starting on hormones without first having thoroughly worked through all my issues, or that I might change my mind. I must admit that I still have some lingering doubts and fears. However, I just *feel* that this is the right path for me, and it's becoming increasingly difficult for me to continue to act male at this point. I turn 24 tomorrow, and the passage of time is beginning to get to me. I want to enjoy the remainder of my youth as a female, while I still have the opportunity.
Only recently have I started seeing a new therapist. Which means that it'd probably be several months before I'd ever get a recommendation for a prescription. Not only that, but my sessions are covered by student fees. I graduate in a couple weeks, and I still have no clue whether my future involves grad school or not. I'd most likely have to switch therapists otherwise- and basically start all over again.
Most of the online pharmacies take several weeks to ship. If I'm going to order hormones here without playing forwarded-mail pinball, I need to order *soon*.
And on top of all that, there's an ominous warning on Anne Lawrence's site, saying that overseas pharmacies may soon stop shipping to the US without prescriptions.
A friend of mine told me about a loophole in all the red tape, delays, and gatekeepers. Doctors can prescribe hormones without a letter of recommendation if the patient is already doing their own hormones (as a risk-reduction method). In other words, I can order some hormones online, and then see my doctor in a couple months and get a prescription. I'm happy, my lover's happy.
There's a couple of problems though. First of all, I'm blatantly honest to the point of being stupidly honest, and I absolutely suck at lying and hiding things. Especially given how much she plays with my nipples ;) she'd soon notice any physical changes. We've built a lot of trust and honesty in our relationship, and I don't want to hide this from her. But at the same time, I don't want her to twist my arm, and I don't want to play a waiting game.
Second, I'm known for making meticulous decisions, not hasty irrational ones. The truth is, I have given hormones a lot of thought, and I feel ready. But it still feels like I'm making a hasty decision.
I'd greatly appreciate any advice any of you could offer me on this matter!
Basically, I need hormones. I feel like I've reached an impasse, and that hormones are the thing that's missing. So I'm planning on ordering them online, rather than wait until the end of time for a prescription.
There's a flurry of factors going on here that make this a very tricky matter for me.
My lover is generally very supportive of me with my gender issues (she admits to getting incredibly turned on when I'm dressed as a woman!) However, she does not want me to acquire my own hormones without a prescription. She's worried about me starting on hormones without first having thoroughly worked through all my issues, or that I might change my mind. I must admit that I still have some lingering doubts and fears. However, I just *feel* that this is the right path for me, and it's becoming increasingly difficult for me to continue to act male at this point. I turn 24 tomorrow, and the passage of time is beginning to get to me. I want to enjoy the remainder of my youth as a female, while I still have the opportunity.
Only recently have I started seeing a new therapist. Which means that it'd probably be several months before I'd ever get a recommendation for a prescription. Not only that, but my sessions are covered by student fees. I graduate in a couple weeks, and I still have no clue whether my future involves grad school or not. I'd most likely have to switch therapists otherwise- and basically start all over again.
Most of the online pharmacies take several weeks to ship. If I'm going to order hormones here without playing forwarded-mail pinball, I need to order *soon*.
And on top of all that, there's an ominous warning on Anne Lawrence's site, saying that overseas pharmacies may soon stop shipping to the US without prescriptions.
A friend of mine told me about a loophole in all the red tape, delays, and gatekeepers. Doctors can prescribe hormones without a letter of recommendation if the patient is already doing their own hormones (as a risk-reduction method). In other words, I can order some hormones online, and then see my doctor in a couple months and get a prescription. I'm happy, my lover's happy.
There's a couple of problems though. First of all, I'm blatantly honest to the point of being stupidly honest, and I absolutely suck at lying and hiding things. Especially given how much she plays with my nipples ;) she'd soon notice any physical changes. We've built a lot of trust and honesty in our relationship, and I don't want to hide this from her. But at the same time, I don't want her to twist my arm, and I don't want to play a waiting game.
Second, I'm known for making meticulous decisions, not hasty irrational ones. The truth is, I have given hormones a lot of thought, and I feel ready. But it still feels like I'm making a hasty decision.
I'd greatly appreciate any advice any of you could offer me on this matter!