trans | I'm Out!

I ended up coming out / getting outed yesterday to my parents. I'm sure they knew something was up (probably by the girl-clothes and the boobs) but they're really non-confrontational. Anyway, I had an anxiety attack (we think) over coming out and stuff. I never had one before but it hurt so bad! My mom asked me if I was taking anything and I had to say "yes". We weren't sure what was wrong so she took me to the ER about 1am. I eventually calmed down. Anyway, so my mom and I got to talk about things. She keeps trying to use scare-tactics (she's never been the positive one) saying that no-one will ever want me, that I'll mess my body up with "all these surgeries" (uh... one at the most...) and whatnot.

She told my dad and my dad was crying (well, as close as he gets) -- I can count the times I've seen him cry on one hand. Anyway, he kept saying how I was slowly killing myself, that I was selfish, that I got "recruited", that I was throwing away my future (saying I could never get a job, especially as a teacher --

transteachers), that I should join an ex-gay group and how he was losing his son. Pretty much, nothing original and nothing I couldn't defend myself against. I was calm, maybe too calm -- he said I was giving "textbook answers" (to his "textbook questions" :-). We pretty much ended the conversation with me telling him that I hope and believe that they will come to accept me. (Thanks to my ex for the non-violent communication lessons! :-).

So, things aren't that great here but he didn't kick me out. I'm going back to school in the Fall and I may move there this summer if I can find somebody to stay with, I was supposed to have been moved out by now but my fiancee dumped me (not over this -- in fact, her new gf's trans too :-) and that messed up my plan. I was worried about having that happen last time. My dad did say that we probably should have dealt with this five years ago (actually, it was 3-1/2) when I came out the first time. As much pain and suffering the last 3-1/2 years has had, I told him that I need time to grow and to be able to stand up and be confident of who I am. Although I wanted to transition so bad in high school, college is much easier, anyway, he can't force me to get brainwashed now. Ha!

Well, I'm out. They don't like it. They didn't like it before. They didn't like it when I came out last time either. They didn't like it when I tried to be a flaming gay boy instead of a tranny. They're never going to like it, but hopefully they'll come to accept it in time.

Well, at least I'm not stressed out about coming out anymore!

For even more mind-numbing excitement, check out my personal journal entry!