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girlabomination.livejournal.com) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
trans2005-07-05 03:32 am
girlabomination.livejournal.com) wrote in trans2005-07-05 03:32 am
Grocery Shopping
Wow...
Okay... so after talking to my friend Tenisha for a while I realized that I haven't been grocery shopping as my self. Sooooooooooooooooo I took a shower, very slopily put on some make up (one of my worst jobs yet), got dressed, and headed out. I considered driving but I felt that it would be better for me to walk so I did.
If I felt super anxious on the way there I figured I could turn around and go back home. That didn't happen though. It felt nice walking at night. I thought about the conversation I had with Sarah (a net friend) last night, and it put my mind at ease. even though it was 2:00 AM there were still a number of people out and about due to the fouth of July holiday.
I passed my first close up people when I reached the Safeway parkinglot. One guy was pumping gas, another getting out of his car, and finally the last one was just walking along the sidewalk. While in the store I passed... hhmmm maybe two or three people at close range while shopping. To my surprised no body payed any attention to me!!!! Wow, what a feeling. It's wonderful. I can tell when people are purposely trying not to look, it wasn't like that. People were just going about doing their stuff like they always would. Wow. :)
In the end the real face to face moment came at the cash register where I was at close range with someone. I could have sworn he spotted me for what I was -- an abomination. I had expected a sneer, or a sharp or deep masculine tone in his voice because... well he's a manly man. If I were straight I'd probabally do him, but I'm not so yah, there ya have it. Instead, when he finally spoke to me his voice was higher and softer than when I'd heard it before shopping in guy / androgyn mode. It was... interesting... and filled me with a rather perverse gayity . I smiled almost all the way home with a bit of a spring in my step.
There was one person who noticeably did a double take on my way back -- a teenager who had stopped at a red light at an intersection. When th elight turned green, and the crosswalk cooed to walk, I saw him turn around in his seat to get a better look at me as he was driving through the intersection. This really doesn't say much however because when I was that age I took a double take at both the beautiful and fucked up things. It's really hard to say which I am. Maybe a little of both.
When I finally returned home I looked in the mirror and thought "Oh shit, I look like crap. My hair was out of place, and I thought I looked positively dreadful until I rearranged it and believed i looked pretty again. Funny how that can happen. I also realized how much my make up tonight sucks. At this point in time however I honestly can't tell if I could be regarded tonight as a walking freak or ordinary woman at the grocery store. Were the Sephanie March gods of Law and Order SVU looking over me, giving me an Alexandra Cabot allure, or was it a little closer to "White Chicks" demons poking a needle in my bum.
I honestly don't know.
For those of you who have taken those first steps to full time living as your appropiate gender , what were your first experiences doing ordinary things like? I've been to parties, LARPs, and similiar events as myself, but because I'm such a loner this is the first time I've had to go out and do any ordinary errands since I've started my transformation.
Okay... so after talking to my friend Tenisha for a while I realized that I haven't been grocery shopping as my self. Sooooooooooooooooo I took a shower, very slopily put on some make up (one of my worst jobs yet), got dressed, and headed out. I considered driving but I felt that it would be better for me to walk so I did.
If I felt super anxious on the way there I figured I could turn around and go back home. That didn't happen though. It felt nice walking at night. I thought about the conversation I had with Sarah (a net friend) last night, and it put my mind at ease. even though it was 2:00 AM there were still a number of people out and about due to the fouth of July holiday.
I passed my first close up people when I reached the Safeway parkinglot. One guy was pumping gas, another getting out of his car, and finally the last one was just walking along the sidewalk. While in the store I passed... hhmmm maybe two or three people at close range while shopping. To my surprised no body payed any attention to me!!!! Wow, what a feeling. It's wonderful. I can tell when people are purposely trying not to look, it wasn't like that. People were just going about doing their stuff like they always would. Wow. :)
In the end the real face to face moment came at the cash register where I was at close range with someone. I could have sworn he spotted me for what I was -- an abomination. I had expected a sneer, or a sharp or deep masculine tone in his voice because... well he's a manly man. If I were straight I'd probabally do him, but I'm not so yah, there ya have it. Instead, when he finally spoke to me his voice was higher and softer than when I'd heard it before shopping in guy / androgyn mode. It was... interesting... and filled me with a rather perverse gayity . I smiled almost all the way home with a bit of a spring in my step.
There was one person who noticeably did a double take on my way back -- a teenager who had stopped at a red light at an intersection. When th elight turned green, and the crosswalk cooed to walk, I saw him turn around in his seat to get a better look at me as he was driving through the intersection. This really doesn't say much however because when I was that age I took a double take at both the beautiful and fucked up things. It's really hard to say which I am. Maybe a little of both.
When I finally returned home I looked in the mirror and thought "Oh shit, I look like crap. My hair was out of place, and I thought I looked positively dreadful until I rearranged it and believed i looked pretty again. Funny how that can happen. I also realized how much my make up tonight sucks. At this point in time however I honestly can't tell if I could be regarded tonight as a walking freak or ordinary woman at the grocery store. Were the Sephanie March gods of Law and Order SVU looking over me, giving me an Alexandra Cabot allure, or was it a little closer to "White Chicks" demons poking a needle in my bum.
I honestly don't know.
For those of you who have taken those first steps to full time living as your appropiate gender , what were your first experiences doing ordinary things like? I've been to parties, LARPs, and similiar events as myself, but because I'm such a loner this is the first time I've had to go out and do any ordinary errands since I've started my transformation.