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trans2005-07-22 11:58 am
sekoumoja.livejournal.com) wrote in trans2005-07-22 11:58 am
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I'm home now.. Been a while since I had time to post anything... Bleh.
Cut for your viewing ease.
Spent the past three days in Borego Spings with Laura (Sand_Dweller) and it was great. Although, hotter than I've ever felt it. 110 sometimes, 95 at night.. With a moon at night casting a sureal kind of sunlight on the barren landscape. As most of you know I'm bad at recalling things in order: So, first and foremost on my mind:
I was dropped off by Laura directly at school from Borego Springs, I was dressed in a tan skirt with a lime-green polo with flip flops. Oh, something I forgot to mention, last Monday I came out at school. I spoke with my teacher and the counselor. They both understood what it was and were seemingly very understanding. So I went to school wearing jeans with a very large sweatshirt (Breast-coverage) for two days then went to Borego Springs where I was myself. I return today and walk up to my class where everyone is waiting outside for the teacher. No one really says anything nor do I notice any stares. Talk to my friends (Who are quite aware) and convey my extreme nervousness x_< And we talk for a bit then the teacher comes. He looks at me and kind of cringes for a split second before glancing away being "busy" with another student. Then he comes to me and says he wants me to go to the office and talk to Mike (Counselor). The little chat was less accepting it seemed. He made it clear that he would have to remove me from the school if "my dress causes disruptances on campus". That's the same line I got at Rancho Bernardo.. Then he also said he wants to meet with me next MOnday to do OCIS (Basically it's homeschool). Meeting concluded with him saying he understands, supports, and doesn't mean to be judgemental and then he said I can just go home for the day. While I'm not complaining about going home early (Though the three hour bus ride sucked), almost felt like I was being sent home because of what I wore. Just seemed odd being sent home like that. And when I said goodbye, the fact that he called me "Son" was real sweet, too. That kind of thing always stings a bit for me.
Back on the recap.
Monday I came out at school and it seemed all nice and jolly. Teachers understood, told friends, didn't really experience any negative feedback.
Tuesday, I begain taking Anti-Androgens. 200mg a day. I also wore flare jeans and my cow shirt to school, the top being covered with an XXL sweatshirt. I was also semi-teased by someone about my purse at school. Got home and Laura came by to pick us up. We got all out stuff, stuck it in the car and went out to eat at Potstickers with Laura's with, Linda, which was really nice. And they also paid for us which was also nice. <.< At the table, the waitress comes up and obviously recalls Laura / Linda and then says, without skipping a beat, "Oh, you brought the whole family tonight?" *plunk* Tempted to say "Here's your sign." It was almost as bad as the time the dressing room attendant asked Telan if I was her daughter. Poor Telan, *hugs*. After parting ways, Linda stays down in San Diego during the workweek to save on gas then comes up on Thursday, we were on our way into the Desert. Went past a lot of neat places, but as we started the descent into Borego, the Sun had set and it was pitch. Once we arrived at their house, which I can only describe as being pimped-out, we settled in and went swimming. Later on, Telan and I were able to sleep unworried in a bed together. It was really nice. Of course, two teenagers sleeping in a bed together without anyone checking on them? And they didn't have sex? I can only say, "omg"
Wednesday. It was fun, hot, and sweaty. Got up, showered, dressed, etc. *Three hours later* Had some leftovers from Potstickers with scrambled eggs, did stuff on the laptop, and then we were on our way to see some of the desert coolness (Rather, hotness). Laura took us to a place called Font's Point, which is reached by driving on an off-road trail for about four miles. It was a cliff overlooking the Badlands area , which was quite breath taking as it's not a view you expect. As you walk to the edge, it looks like a little gnoll or sand-dune, not a huge gorge / ravine. As usual, we forgot our camera, but Laura had hers! Yay. She took some pictures of us, which I need to bug her to send me, and all was good. And sweaty. It was, like, 115 degrees. Done at the point, I chug a bottle of water in 10 seconds and we walk back to the car. The next stop was the Salton Sea and the area around it in Imperial County, as Laura said, it was very ghetto. Place looked so strange. There were abandoned houses, delapitated motels, collapsed docks, a yacht club driveway with the club at the end collapsed in on itself. And the atmoshphere was very muggy. With a kind of haze that limited visibility to, I'd say, a couple miles or so. When we got to a shore, I walked down to the beach - which had no sand. The smell was of rotting carcasses everywhere in the air. At the shoreline, the sand was replaced with about a foot of dead barnacles and there were countless bits and entire dead fish along the shore. If you look into the water, the bottom is pitch black and debris is coated in a kind of brownish decay. It was a very interesting place, though it reminds me more of ruins than a city. We also got a few pictures of the shore, too, afterwards, we got in the car and headed back to Borego to cool off in the house. We went swimming, again, for a bit. But this time in the Sun. Got Laura to wear her two-piece this time. She looks good, even though she would beg to differ. Then a Mike O'Hemmingson (Sorry if I spelled it wrong!) AKA Avantpop in LJ came over with a friend of his. Laura and Mike were LiveJournal friends for a while and finally got to meet, they were both neat guys. Mike brought a friend of his, Lary, who was a professor at SDSU for a good while and still is, part-time, I believe. He even knew Noah's father and said they were office mates for a while. He also ragged on his tupee. Hehe. Telan and I were speaking with Lary, while Laura and Mike were off on their own, and he was telling us all about the history of the area and such. Really enjoyed it, and it was pretty interesting. But when I had to get up for the bathroom, Telan looks at me helplessly and says "Take me with you ;_;", she found him too dry, I guess. x_< By now it was about 8pm and we needed foods to eat. So we all went on our way to Jilberto's, the local - and only - Mexican takeout in town (I think the only take-out, actually. They don't allow chain stores in-town. Only private businesses). After that, Lary invites us over to his place for drinks and such. He was looking at videos of his granddaughter when we got there (He had gone home to clean while we waited for the food at Jilberto's) and he gladly shared them with us along with a bit of the video he took with his wife in Alaska along the big oil pipe-line trucking route. Had some awesome views in there, though. Once we were all done eating, we got drinks and went up to his deck (He had his roof turned into a deck, basically).. And shush. Telan and I had Diet Coke. Though, we could have had alcohol if we asked. Oh, and I just want to mention the neon green plastic bong that was on the counter (Had been used before). Lary had a Pink Floyd album, only it wasn't Pink Floyd. It was Pink Floyd Country Music style. With banjos and everything - Which we listened to while we sat in the 98 degree evening air. It was very near being a full moon, so it was almost like a sureal Sun, really. Cast a kind of bluish grey tinge over everything and even cast shadows. But with the moon being like that, the stars were mostly hidden. After a while of sitting up there and chatting, Mike seemed to spontaneously fall out of his chair and spilled his drink (One of the back legs collapsed, I think). Oh, and Lary was telling us what a great place Borego is becuase all the cops are off duty past 5:30pm, so it's, and I quote, "a great place to get shit-face drunk and drive home." Along with drugs and anything else, I'm sure. By the time we left it was midnight. Once we got back Telan and I both "went to bed". The big plan was to fool around, we didn't really. Kind of did a little bit, but it's hard to describe exactly what happened, but we ended up just going to sleep.
Thursday. We got up late. I'd say 11:30am, and then Telan and I both took a shower together. It was, like, three hours. Finally got out and were ready at 1pm or so. Got swimsuits on and ready to swim, but didn't. I wanted to get a little momento, like a bracelet or some kind of neat desert jewlery. So we went out and checked out the stores, all the ones with jewlery were closed, blah. After being so hot our knees were sweaty, we went back to the house. But not before getting three carne asada burritos and horchata. After that we just hung around the house. Laura was doing stuffs on the computer and Telan and I were in the pool for a bit. She went in to try to turn the little pool cleaner off but we ended up watching stupid / weird stuff online. Before you knew it, Linda was home. She brought goodies for a barbecue and made some kind of steak which resembled filet mignon and also made chicken kabobs along with baked beans and potato salad and garlic bread and sliced water melon for sides. It was very tasty. Of course, conversations were strange at the table. Ranging from computer hardwear to Telan's dad's cyber-sex habbits. Prior to dinner, I had called my mom to check in since I hadn't spoken in so long. She was kind of flipping out and I was kind of egging her on. It ended with her saying I'll burn in hell, Telan is evil and damned and all that jazz, etc. etc. Same old routine. After dinner, Laura was making drinks and while Telan and I aren't "Alcohol is EEEEVVIIILL", we simply don't like it. We tried some kind of lemony zest sweet alcohol (I'd say we each has 1/20th of a shot to taste and it was yyyyeelch. Burned my lips and my throat all the way down. Can't imagine how people drink it. And Laura said that was a weak one, too. Though, being jealous of the pretty and deceptively tasty looking drinks, we went in search of virgin drinks. We both settled on Pina Coladas. Because those are awesome. Laura did add a slight bit of coconut rum to it, though. It was half a shot for the two drinks, though. And as it got dark we all went swimming and lit the tiki torches. The jacuzzi was opened, though it was 105 degrees and by midnight it had cooled to 102. The pool water was a consistant 89 - 92 degrees. So much nicer than regular pools. We did smell smoke, though. Laura said she spotted smoke over towards Riverside area, so we didn't care that much. After swimmingness we shared the silly / stupid internet things we found earlier with Linda then went to bed. Telan and I packed our bags and got cozy and slept hapily in eachother's arms again.
Today (Friday). We got up at 4am. Okay, Telan got up at 4, I got up at 4:15. Got ready and looking nice for school, the least girly and most conservative thing I had was a skirt and polo. Didn't bode well. But oh well. I was entirely ready at 5am, and I told Telan we had to go in 15 minutes. And we did! Threw our stuff in the car and drove towards the Road Runner Club to pick up Mike, since Laura was giving him a ride to his house in San Diego, too. I was kind up but mostly asleep during the ride back. Telan poked me a few times to show me the view.. It was really pretty. And flat. Never seen so much flat. Fell asleep again. Woke up in Poway, we planned to get Burger King breakfast in RB before school. We got foods there and the checkout person said we had to drive to the front and wait more, it was weird. I dunno. Then when we tried to U-Turn, we got stuck on a freeway and it was just annoying Laura. Also stopped at the bank to give er 15$ for gas. After the bank it was drop Telan off at home and then I was dropped off by Laura directly at school , I was dressed in a tan skirt with a lime-green polo with flip flops. Oh, something I forgot to mention, last Monday I came out at school. I spoke with my teacher and the counselor. They both understood what it was and were seemingly very understanding. So I went to school wearing jeans with a very large sweatshirt (Breast-coverage) for two days then went to Borego Springs where I was myself. I return today and walk up to my class where everyone is waiting outside for the teacher. No one really says anything nor do I notice any stares. Talk to my friends (Who are quite aware) and convey my extreme nervousness x_< And we talk for a bit then the teacher comes. He looks at me and kind of cringes for a split second before glancing away being "busy" with another student. Then he comes to me and says he wants me to go to the office and talk to Mike (Counselor). The little chat was less accepting it seemed. He made it clear that he would have to remove me from the school if "my dress causes disruptances on campus". That's the same line I got at Rancho Bernardo.. Then he also said he wants to meet with me next MOnday to do OCIS (Basically it's homeschool). Meeting concluded with him saying he understands, supports, and doesn't mean to be judgemental and then he said I can just go home for the day. While I'm not complaining about going home early (Though the three hour bus ride sucked), almost felt like I was being sent home because of what I wore. Just seemed odd being sent home like that. And when I said goodbye, the fact that he called me "Son" was real sweet, too. That kind of thing always stings a bit for me. (The second part of the paragraph here was writted before the anything else.. Sorry about the repeat of info.)
And that's that... I'm going fulltime girl now. Oh, on that note.
A lot of my friends aren't sure what to call me or even think about it. I'm going to spell it out. I'm a girl. Not a boy. My name is Savannah Kestrel. I would like to be referred to using all the same things you would any other girl. Every time you call me "Matt" or say "He" it stings. I hate it. I usually give you a little look so you know it bugs me, too. I'm not trying to be mean, but that's something somewhat important. I know with Telan I do the Ramna thing and sometimes I'm Matt sometimes I'm Savannah. I won't be doing that anymore, except at work.. didn't come ou there, yet.
And that's my week... Telan just came home. I'll post this then let her read it.
Cut for your viewing ease.
Spent the past three days in Borego Spings with Laura (Sand_Dweller) and it was great. Although, hotter than I've ever felt it. 110 sometimes, 95 at night.. With a moon at night casting a sureal kind of sunlight on the barren landscape. As most of you know I'm bad at recalling things in order: So, first and foremost on my mind:
I was dropped off by Laura directly at school from Borego Springs, I was dressed in a tan skirt with a lime-green polo with flip flops. Oh, something I forgot to mention, last Monday I came out at school. I spoke with my teacher and the counselor. They both understood what it was and were seemingly very understanding. So I went to school wearing jeans with a very large sweatshirt (Breast-coverage) for two days then went to Borego Springs where I was myself. I return today and walk up to my class where everyone is waiting outside for the teacher. No one really says anything nor do I notice any stares. Talk to my friends (Who are quite aware) and convey my extreme nervousness x_< And we talk for a bit then the teacher comes. He looks at me and kind of cringes for a split second before glancing away being "busy" with another student. Then he comes to me and says he wants me to go to the office and talk to Mike (Counselor). The little chat was less accepting it seemed. He made it clear that he would have to remove me from the school if "my dress causes disruptances on campus". That's the same line I got at Rancho Bernardo.. Then he also said he wants to meet with me next MOnday to do OCIS (Basically it's homeschool). Meeting concluded with him saying he understands, supports, and doesn't mean to be judgemental and then he said I can just go home for the day. While I'm not complaining about going home early (Though the three hour bus ride sucked), almost felt like I was being sent home because of what I wore. Just seemed odd being sent home like that. And when I said goodbye, the fact that he called me "Son" was real sweet, too. That kind of thing always stings a bit for me.
Back on the recap.
Monday I came out at school and it seemed all nice and jolly. Teachers understood, told friends, didn't really experience any negative feedback.
Tuesday, I begain taking Anti-Androgens. 200mg a day. I also wore flare jeans and my cow shirt to school, the top being covered with an XXL sweatshirt. I was also semi-teased by someone about my purse at school. Got home and Laura came by to pick us up. We got all out stuff, stuck it in the car and went out to eat at Potstickers with Laura's with, Linda, which was really nice. And they also paid for us which was also nice. <.< At the table, the waitress comes up and obviously recalls Laura / Linda and then says, without skipping a beat, "Oh, you brought the whole family tonight?" *plunk* Tempted to say "Here's your sign." It was almost as bad as the time the dressing room attendant asked Telan if I was her daughter. Poor Telan, *hugs*. After parting ways, Linda stays down in San Diego during the workweek to save on gas then comes up on Thursday, we were on our way into the Desert. Went past a lot of neat places, but as we started the descent into Borego, the Sun had set and it was pitch. Once we arrived at their house, which I can only describe as being pimped-out, we settled in and went swimming. Later on, Telan and I were able to sleep unworried in a bed together. It was really nice. Of course, two teenagers sleeping in a bed together without anyone checking on them? And they didn't have sex? I can only say, "omg"
Wednesday. It was fun, hot, and sweaty. Got up, showered, dressed, etc. *Three hours later* Had some leftovers from Potstickers with scrambled eggs, did stuff on the laptop, and then we were on our way to see some of the desert coolness (Rather, hotness). Laura took us to a place called Font's Point, which is reached by driving on an off-road trail for about four miles. It was a cliff overlooking the Badlands area , which was quite breath taking as it's not a view you expect. As you walk to the edge, it looks like a little gnoll or sand-dune, not a huge gorge / ravine. As usual, we forgot our camera, but Laura had hers! Yay. She took some pictures of us, which I need to bug her to send me, and all was good. And sweaty. It was, like, 115 degrees. Done at the point, I chug a bottle of water in 10 seconds and we walk back to the car. The next stop was the Salton Sea and the area around it in Imperial County, as Laura said, it was very ghetto. Place looked so strange. There were abandoned houses, delapitated motels, collapsed docks, a yacht club driveway with the club at the end collapsed in on itself. And the atmoshphere was very muggy. With a kind of haze that limited visibility to, I'd say, a couple miles or so. When we got to a shore, I walked down to the beach - which had no sand. The smell was of rotting carcasses everywhere in the air. At the shoreline, the sand was replaced with about a foot of dead barnacles and there were countless bits and entire dead fish along the shore. If you look into the water, the bottom is pitch black and debris is coated in a kind of brownish decay. It was a very interesting place, though it reminds me more of ruins than a city. We also got a few pictures of the shore, too, afterwards, we got in the car and headed back to Borego to cool off in the house. We went swimming, again, for a bit. But this time in the Sun. Got Laura to wear her two-piece this time. She looks good, even though she would beg to differ. Then a Mike O'Hemmingson (Sorry if I spelled it wrong!) AKA Avantpop in LJ came over with a friend of his. Laura and Mike were LiveJournal friends for a while and finally got to meet, they were both neat guys. Mike brought a friend of his, Lary, who was a professor at SDSU for a good while and still is, part-time, I believe. He even knew Noah's father and said they were office mates for a while. He also ragged on his tupee. Hehe. Telan and I were speaking with Lary, while Laura and Mike were off on their own, and he was telling us all about the history of the area and such. Really enjoyed it, and it was pretty interesting. But when I had to get up for the bathroom, Telan looks at me helplessly and says "Take me with you ;_;", she found him too dry, I guess. x_< By now it was about 8pm and we needed foods to eat. So we all went on our way to Jilberto's, the local - and only - Mexican takeout in town (I think the only take-out, actually. They don't allow chain stores in-town. Only private businesses). After that, Lary invites us over to his place for drinks and such. He was looking at videos of his granddaughter when we got there (He had gone home to clean while we waited for the food at Jilberto's) and he gladly shared them with us along with a bit of the video he took with his wife in Alaska along the big oil pipe-line trucking route. Had some awesome views in there, though. Once we were all done eating, we got drinks and went up to his deck (He had his roof turned into a deck, basically).. And shush. Telan and I had Diet Coke. Though, we could have had alcohol if we asked. Oh, and I just want to mention the neon green plastic bong that was on the counter (Had been used before). Lary had a Pink Floyd album, only it wasn't Pink Floyd. It was Pink Floyd Country Music style. With banjos and everything - Which we listened to while we sat in the 98 degree evening air. It was very near being a full moon, so it was almost like a sureal Sun, really. Cast a kind of bluish grey tinge over everything and even cast shadows. But with the moon being like that, the stars were mostly hidden. After a while of sitting up there and chatting, Mike seemed to spontaneously fall out of his chair and spilled his drink (One of the back legs collapsed, I think). Oh, and Lary was telling us what a great place Borego is becuase all the cops are off duty past 5:30pm, so it's, and I quote, "a great place to get shit-face drunk and drive home." Along with drugs and anything else, I'm sure. By the time we left it was midnight. Once we got back Telan and I both "went to bed". The big plan was to fool around, we didn't really. Kind of did a little bit, but it's hard to describe exactly what happened, but we ended up just going to sleep.
Thursday. We got up late. I'd say 11:30am, and then Telan and I both took a shower together. It was, like, three hours. Finally got out and were ready at 1pm or so. Got swimsuits on and ready to swim, but didn't. I wanted to get a little momento, like a bracelet or some kind of neat desert jewlery. So we went out and checked out the stores, all the ones with jewlery were closed, blah. After being so hot our knees were sweaty, we went back to the house. But not before getting three carne asada burritos and horchata. After that we just hung around the house. Laura was doing stuffs on the computer and Telan and I were in the pool for a bit. She went in to try to turn the little pool cleaner off but we ended up watching stupid / weird stuff online. Before you knew it, Linda was home. She brought goodies for a barbecue and made some kind of steak which resembled filet mignon and also made chicken kabobs along with baked beans and potato salad and garlic bread and sliced water melon for sides. It was very tasty. Of course, conversations were strange at the table. Ranging from computer hardwear to Telan's dad's cyber-sex habbits. Prior to dinner, I had called my mom to check in since I hadn't spoken in so long. She was kind of flipping out and I was kind of egging her on. It ended with her saying I'll burn in hell, Telan is evil and damned and all that jazz, etc. etc. Same old routine. After dinner, Laura was making drinks and while Telan and I aren't "Alcohol is EEEEVVIIILL", we simply don't like it. We tried some kind of lemony zest sweet alcohol (I'd say we each has 1/20th of a shot to taste and it was yyyyeelch. Burned my lips and my throat all the way down. Can't imagine how people drink it. And Laura said that was a weak one, too. Though, being jealous of the pretty and deceptively tasty looking drinks, we went in search of virgin drinks. We both settled on Pina Coladas. Because those are awesome. Laura did add a slight bit of coconut rum to it, though. It was half a shot for the two drinks, though. And as it got dark we all went swimming and lit the tiki torches. The jacuzzi was opened, though it was 105 degrees and by midnight it had cooled to 102. The pool water was a consistant 89 - 92 degrees. So much nicer than regular pools. We did smell smoke, though. Laura said she spotted smoke over towards Riverside area, so we didn't care that much. After swimmingness we shared the silly / stupid internet things we found earlier with Linda then went to bed. Telan and I packed our bags and got cozy and slept hapily in eachother's arms again.
Today (Friday). We got up at 4am. Okay, Telan got up at 4, I got up at 4:15. Got ready and looking nice for school, the least girly and most conservative thing I had was a skirt and polo. Didn't bode well. But oh well. I was entirely ready at 5am, and I told Telan we had to go in 15 minutes. And we did! Threw our stuff in the car and drove towards the Road Runner Club to pick up Mike, since Laura was giving him a ride to his house in San Diego, too. I was kind up but mostly asleep during the ride back. Telan poked me a few times to show me the view.. It was really pretty. And flat. Never seen so much flat. Fell asleep again. Woke up in Poway, we planned to get Burger King breakfast in RB before school. We got foods there and the checkout person said we had to drive to the front and wait more, it was weird. I dunno. Then when we tried to U-Turn, we got stuck on a freeway and it was just annoying Laura. Also stopped at the bank to give er 15$ for gas. After the bank it was drop Telan off at home and then I was dropped off by Laura directly at school , I was dressed in a tan skirt with a lime-green polo with flip flops. Oh, something I forgot to mention, last Monday I came out at school. I spoke with my teacher and the counselor. They both understood what it was and were seemingly very understanding. So I went to school wearing jeans with a very large sweatshirt (Breast-coverage) for two days then went to Borego Springs where I was myself. I return today and walk up to my class where everyone is waiting outside for the teacher. No one really says anything nor do I notice any stares. Talk to my friends (Who are quite aware) and convey my extreme nervousness x_< And we talk for a bit then the teacher comes. He looks at me and kind of cringes for a split second before glancing away being "busy" with another student. Then he comes to me and says he wants me to go to the office and talk to Mike (Counselor). The little chat was less accepting it seemed. He made it clear that he would have to remove me from the school if "my dress causes disruptances on campus". That's the same line I got at Rancho Bernardo.. Then he also said he wants to meet with me next MOnday to do OCIS (Basically it's homeschool). Meeting concluded with him saying he understands, supports, and doesn't mean to be judgemental and then he said I can just go home for the day. While I'm not complaining about going home early (Though the three hour bus ride sucked), almost felt like I was being sent home because of what I wore. Just seemed odd being sent home like that. And when I said goodbye, the fact that he called me "Son" was real sweet, too. That kind of thing always stings a bit for me. (The second part of the paragraph here was writted before the anything else.. Sorry about the repeat of info.)
And that's that... I'm going fulltime girl now. Oh, on that note.
A lot of my friends aren't sure what to call me or even think about it. I'm going to spell it out. I'm a girl. Not a boy. My name is Savannah Kestrel. I would like to be referred to using all the same things you would any other girl. Every time you call me "Matt" or say "He" it stings. I hate it. I usually give you a little look so you know it bugs me, too. I'm not trying to be mean, but that's something somewhat important. I know with Telan I do the Ramna thing and sometimes I'm Matt sometimes I'm Savannah. I won't be doing that anymore, except at work.. didn't come ou there, yet.
And that's my week... Telan just came home. I'll post this then let her read it.