trans | look, a primate chasing her tail!

Yep, same ole thoughts, run over, and over, and over again. I wonder why I'm transitioning, wonder if i should stop, wonder what kind of life i'd truely live if i did, wonder if i could be happy, or even content. I wonder how far i wanna go. i wonder what it would be like to be a man who dind't like his penis, or what it' dbe like to be a man at all (something that, though born male, i dont feel I know very much about). I wonder how delicious it would be to copulate with a man as a woman (wihtout that extra bit of ...penis ::grins:: blah...though his is yummy!). I wonder how truely differnt it is to be interacted with as a woman instead of a gay man...or a freak. I wonder if there is much difference...i wonder if i've made it all up. I wonder...why i'm so afraid.

I am a poet and a dreamer (infp baby) and i live and interact on a very emotional level. SO much that i can lost within my fears, lost within what i feel, what i'm supposed to feel, what i think others feel, and how others might react. I get lost within my hopes and build a world where i can see myself as happy...and proceed to ahve some trauma that leaves me alone and broken. I'm as mean to mseylf, it seems, as i preceieve others might be...given the chance and oppritunity to see the monster I am.

I saw "a girl like me" this week. It really wasn't near as bad as i thougth it would be. They were more artsy about her death and destruction then soldiers girl was, but the point was made non-the-less. I feel her pain so much, as you read. I dont pretned im' the only one to feel so...outside....everything. As if we're the antithesis to "normal". As if happiness i ssomething that only a select few are allowed to attain. Gwen was a strong woman, and i'm so greatfull to her mother and family for letting her story be told.

anyway, friends are here...yes i have some! i didn't lie! LOL

crossposted to

tgirlvalentine,

ozarks_tg,

transgender,

mtf