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trans2006-09-22 01:32 pm
wynnefox.livejournal.com) wrote in trans2006-09-22 01:32 pm
A reach for understanding
Spoke a little to my dad today. We were talking though a thing I went through last night (I will post it below) and he asked that if I were to send him an e-mail to tell him all the little and big things I have been experencing so that way he can better understand my choice. Well looks like I got a project tonight.
As for what happened lastnight, I wrote the fallowing in one of the forums so forgive the natorious grammer because it was 3 in the morning:
This was orginaly posted in http://talkingtranny.com/smf
Cross posting intransgender, mtf, and my own journal
As for what happened lastnight, I wrote the fallowing in one of the forums so forgive the natorious grammer because it was 3 in the morning:
Up to this point I have felt nutrual about my male genitalia, at worse inconvienced with the exception of one time when I was milling over the idea that nature has made me starile (it has been sugested by several non-medical sources that I may be XXY) and I had the stray thought of malice of,"They're poising your body, you should cut them off." that I quickly stifled.
Tonight, 2:45 am, feeling tired, getting ready to go to bed after watching a couple shows that were Tivo'd. I use the restroom and I pull up my underwere and was pulling down my shirt as I left the restroom when I did the slightest of glance at the mirror and caught the "buldge" in my underware and a completly new feeling hit me. My stomach lurched like I wanted to get sick fallowed my my eyes suddenly felt the swell of wanting to cry as I came to a stop look out the door into the hall and begain stareing out there and unable to turn back to the mirror. My logic centers took over quickly, analizing to surpess this feeling quickly, though even now as I type my stomach feels a bit woozy. Like I ate something bad. I went and told my other two family members (not quite girlfriend and boyfriend, just kinda family members) who said I need to contact my shrink ASAP to inform her whats going on. My next appointment is 10-3-2006. I feel I can hold it together and I can wait until then. I am chalking this up at the moment to that I am tired and a little more of a weak mindset then normal for me. But I am also feeling I am going to have to sleep in the nude tonight. I don't think I can sleep with that thing pressing agaist me. I can't even refer to it fully by name in my head right now more then "male part". I do worry abit about that but like I said I am tired.
I would like to know other's thoughts on this.
Tonight, 2:45 am, feeling tired, getting ready to go to bed after watching a couple shows that were Tivo'd. I use the restroom and I pull up my underwere and was pulling down my shirt as I left the restroom when I did the slightest of glance at the mirror and caught the "buldge" in my underware and a completly new feeling hit me. My stomach lurched like I wanted to get sick fallowed my my eyes suddenly felt the swell of wanting to cry as I came to a stop look out the door into the hall and begain stareing out there and unable to turn back to the mirror. My logic centers took over quickly, analizing to surpess this feeling quickly, though even now as I type my stomach feels a bit woozy. Like I ate something bad. I went and told my other two family members (not quite girlfriend and boyfriend, just kinda family members) who said I need to contact my shrink ASAP to inform her whats going on. My next appointment is 10-3-2006. I feel I can hold it together and I can wait until then. I am chalking this up at the moment to that I am tired and a little more of a weak mindset then normal for me. But I am also feeling I am going to have to sleep in the nude tonight. I don't think I can sleep with that thing pressing agaist me. I can't even refer to it fully by name in my head right now more then "male part". I do worry abit about that but like I said I am tired.
I would like to know other's thoughts on this.
This was orginaly posted in http://talkingtranny.com/smf
Cross posting in
transgender, mtf, and my own journal