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trans2007-02-14 07:09 pm
anaplekte.livejournal.com) wrote in trans2007-02-14 07:09 pm
Let's Pretend We're in Antarctica
On the 4th of February I flew home to visit my family in the US, leaving icy Canada behind for a couple of weeks. Not soon after I had arrived I became very ill with headaches, dizziness, vertigo, confusion, nystagmus, muscle aches, peripheral neuropathy, nausea, insomnia, fatigue/weakness, and ocular problems. My parents became very concerned (had I had a stroke?) and sent me to see several doctors. They ordered a multitude of blood work and an MRI/MRA with gadolinium, and a follow-up lumbar puncture pending the results of the other studies. The MRI took place yesterday, and was relatively painless, at least, until it was over with. I walked out of the room with the huge machine to hear the technician discussing something about a large mass in the frontal lobe with the doctor. Tears began welling in my eyes, and I ran over to the bathroom to quench them with some paper.
The diagnosis was returned from the neurologist today: cerebral arteriovenous malformation, with the suspicion of secondary infection from the possibly immunosuppresant effects of spironolactone and estradiol (spironolactone itself is correlated to agranulocytosis, a deadly disorder of white blood cells). Cerebral AVMs, for those unfamiliar, are a ticking timebomb of miswired vascular circuitry in the brain that only require a bit of high blood pressure to hemorrhage and cause the death of an individual. Intriguingly, I had never had any such formation eight years ago when I'd had an MRI because of bad headaches. The neurologist I saw was serendipitously working on a research paper involving women, estrogen levels, and cerebral AVMs, and informed me that the high doses of estrogens probably spurred on the development of my AVM, if it had not led to its initial formation somehow. Its position in the frontal lobe is kind of frightening, being in the place where my personality and memory sleeps. I'm supposed to see another specialist about surgery soon.
My father, mother, and I had a long discussion about all of this. I questioned the role of estradiol in this latest development and my father, a long-time protestor of my lifestyle and suffering from a malignant brain tumour, threw a bunch of pens at me. He was dreadfully afraid I would go back on estradiol and make this a lot worse. The talk lasted a long time that night, and a lot of feelings we kept buried to effectively socialize with eachother before were unearthed. Neither of my parents, nor anyone in my family, have ever been supportive of my being a transsexual.
This has been an incredibly difficult time for my husband and I. I've been crying a lot everyday, and even he, as robust and stable as he is, has let a few tears flow.
I can't thank both my parents enough for medical insurance that has probably saved my life, selfish as it's been sometimes, and my husband for always being here for me at this time, if only by phone. In the short- and long-term, I'm not sure how this will turn out. The bloodwork hasn't completely come back yet and may still show other problems. Surgery brings worries of complications and brain damage, and there may still be some yet just from the AVM itself. The estradiol and spironolactone will not be continued, but I'd still like to stay as a transsexual (maybe an eventual orchidectomy?). I don't know, it seems very far off at this point, the pain in my eyes presently is bad enough that I often have trouble watching TV.
This has been the longest week of my life, by far. I had always expected to encounter some complications on my hormonal regimen in the distant future, especially if I didn't get surgery, but never this soon (I'm twenty one years old). To other transsexuals out there, please be careful with your dosages; high levels of estrogens are correlated to stroke and other risks. As for myself, I think I just had some bad odds. I suppose that I was at least graced with three years of hormonal treatment, whereas some people have immediate immunicological reactions.
Well, wish me luck,
Christina
The diagnosis was returned from the neurologist today: cerebral arteriovenous malformation, with the suspicion of secondary infection from the possibly immunosuppresant effects of spironolactone and estradiol (spironolactone itself is correlated to agranulocytosis, a deadly disorder of white blood cells). Cerebral AVMs, for those unfamiliar, are a ticking timebomb of miswired vascular circuitry in the brain that only require a bit of high blood pressure to hemorrhage and cause the death of an individual. Intriguingly, I had never had any such formation eight years ago when I'd had an MRI because of bad headaches. The neurologist I saw was serendipitously working on a research paper involving women, estrogen levels, and cerebral AVMs, and informed me that the high doses of estrogens probably spurred on the development of my AVM, if it had not led to its initial formation somehow. Its position in the frontal lobe is kind of frightening, being in the place where my personality and memory sleeps. I'm supposed to see another specialist about surgery soon.
My father, mother, and I had a long discussion about all of this. I questioned the role of estradiol in this latest development and my father, a long-time protestor of my lifestyle and suffering from a malignant brain tumour, threw a bunch of pens at me. He was dreadfully afraid I would go back on estradiol and make this a lot worse. The talk lasted a long time that night, and a lot of feelings we kept buried to effectively socialize with eachother before were unearthed. Neither of my parents, nor anyone in my family, have ever been supportive of my being a transsexual.
This has been an incredibly difficult time for my husband and I. I've been crying a lot everyday, and even he, as robust and stable as he is, has let a few tears flow.
I can't thank both my parents enough for medical insurance that has probably saved my life, selfish as it's been sometimes, and my husband for always being here for me at this time, if only by phone. In the short- and long-term, I'm not sure how this will turn out. The bloodwork hasn't completely come back yet and may still show other problems. Surgery brings worries of complications and brain damage, and there may still be some yet just from the AVM itself. The estradiol and spironolactone will not be continued, but I'd still like to stay as a transsexual (maybe an eventual orchidectomy?). I don't know, it seems very far off at this point, the pain in my eyes presently is bad enough that I often have trouble watching TV.
This has been the longest week of my life, by far. I had always expected to encounter some complications on my hormonal regimen in the distant future, especially if I didn't get surgery, but never this soon (I'm twenty one years old). To other transsexuals out there, please be careful with your dosages; high levels of estrogens are correlated to stroke and other risks. As for myself, I think I just had some bad odds. I suppose that I was at least graced with three years of hormonal treatment, whereas some people have immediate immunicological reactions.
Well, wish me luck,
Christina