Transgender Community

using the wrong name

2010-12-28T22:05:00Z

Posted by: alinonymous.livejournal.com

As a background to this, I came out to my mom as transgender about a month ago but I'm sure she was suspecting it far prior to this. In the past year, she's been using (full gender-specific birth name (FGBN)) instead of (shortened non-gender-specific form of birth name (SN)) to refer to me far more often, and I do suspect she's been encouraging other family members to do the same based on what they have called me at family gatherings. I've preferred SN at least since I was in third grade ten years ago, and pretty much gotten called SN since then, even by teachers. The only thing I ever use FGBN for is Legal Stuff. Even when I'm ordering stuff online, I put SN as my billing address.
I've tried breaching this subject with Mom at a few different times, and she just says "Oh it's no big deal, it's your name." I want to tell her that yes, this is a big deal, and I would appreciate being called, if not Alison, at least SN. So this is the letter I'm going to send, and feedback would be very appreciated:

( text of the letter )

Also, do you have any advice in this situation? My dad was writing a letter to my nephew for his first birthday, and he asked me to proofread it because English isn't his first language. In the letter he used the word "gentleperson" and I was like, "Dad, I'd use 'gentleman' here because 'gentleperson' is a stilted neologism and sounds icky." To which Dad replied, in not these exact words, "I'm just leaving open the possibility that he be like you."
What is that supposed to mean? Does it mean that dad knows because mom told him, because I sure as hell didn't tell dad.

xposted to transletters

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Utterly frustrated

2010-10-08T12:11:00Z

Posted by: bbjkrss.livejournal.com

Ok, this is kind of a multi-layered entry, 'cause I've been keeping all my anxieties real quiet lately.

I'm starting to go really frustrated about all this. I want to present as male at school, and I've been trying- I've gotten the teachers and a lot of kids that know me to call me Ritchie, but almost no one calls me "he," and even the ones that do are pretty irregular about it. That's the more important part to me, and I get frustrated.

(But at the same time with naming issues- I don't know if I chose the right name.. I like it when my friends call me it, and when a certain person used the name it made me happiest I've ever felt, but then when my dad/stepmom use it... it FRUSTRATES me beyond belief and I really just wish they'd go back to calling me Sarah again. I have no idea why this is, and it scares me, because does it mean anything? Is it just because I was used to my other name for 16 years? I don't know and it's driving me crazy.)

I need to figure out a way to pass better (I did it so well over the summer, why is it going so poorly now?). My voice sucks, and I can't really change that (though it's not particularly high, it gets that way when I'm excited, and I'd really prefer not to speak in a monotone...), but clothing's a huge issue. I really want to buy guy clothes for the winter (like, stylish ones. I think I'm kind of turning into a mildly stereotypical gay guy..) but even smalls are big on me.. but then when I buy "guyish" women's clothes, they show off the female body and I hate it. I don't want to wear baggy clothes, I want to look nice, but I have no safe way of binding right now (can't buy a binder and multiple bras don't always work).

So, yeah. Just really frustrated about everything. And then.. the worst thing of all... the fear that I'm still gonna hate myself even when things start to change. I *want* to love myself, but... I just can't see myself ever being the way I truly want to be.. and that scares me, I guess. Anyone have any advice... for any of these things I just totally ranted about? >.<

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Name Choices and Ethnicity/Language

2010-08-03T23:44:00Z

Posted by: identityfail.livejournal.com

Hi everyone,

So I'm (possibly) ftm and toying with going by a male name and pronouns at college in the fall. Of course, choosing a name is one of the stumbling blocks I've come across. In general when introducing myself as male, I go by Simon, but sometimes it feels kind of incongruous, because while I'm an American / native-English-speaker, my parents are from India and my birthname is an Indian one, originally Sanskrit. Plus I guess I "look" Indian whatever that means. I'm defo not white, etc.

Do any of you have this second-generation experience, or whatever? I rarely identify as Indian -- it's just an occasional vague sense of heritage more than anything, and a rationalizing of my parents' uptightness -- but I keep wavering on whether or not I should pick an Indian boy name. It's just one of those things that's sort of a part of me but sort of not, you know?

Just lookin' around for other people's experiences and so on. Obviously only I can decide for myself...just wondering how others dealt with this. Did you end up choosing a name that matched your heritage/ethnicity or your current nationality/language? How did you come to that decision?

Thanks!

S

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Intro, names, and binding

2009-12-19T22:46:00Z

Posted by: espreite.livejournal.com

Hello, I'm Kai. I'm 17 and FtN...ish. My actual gender is neutral, but the filter between me and the world changes from male to female and other stuff. I'm preparing to tell my parents that I'm trans within the next two months, so I will probably be asking a lot of things. Right now I'll just start with a couple questions.

First of all, I'm trying to figure out the logistics of socially switching to a different name. Right now, my six closest friends all use my preferred name. Luckily it starts with the same letter as my given name, so I've started signing papers with [first initial][last name], but I'd like to completely switch over. In January, a new semester starts and I'd like to use Kai consistently, but all of my teachers either have already had me in class or know me by my given name from elsewhere. I thought I'd email my teachers, and since they mostly seem cool they'll probably be okay, but I'm more worried about dealing with other people's "WTF, why are they calling you Kai?" Even cis people start using nicknames sometimes, but how do you actually do it?

Second thing is a binding thing. I'm lucky to have a really small chest (34A), but I'd like to get it flat and don't know how. My immediate hope was to find a tight sports bra, but it's really hard to find a size small where I live, let alone an extra-small or something like that. So now that I know I'll have to order something anyways, I figure I might as well just find out what is the most effective.

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trans @ 2009-03-31T02:16:00

2009-03-31T02:16:00Z

Posted by: jesuisgringoire.livejournal.com

hi folks. I'm curious...how do you pick names?

a friend of mine pointed out to me that if you hyphenate your last name, you get to use either one when signing things...I think I want to include my mother's name. that brings up the oppurtunity to get rid of my awful middle name, though, and it occurs to me that I could get a new first name altogether if I felt like it. chances are the people important to me will continue to call me Nathan, at least until I'm done with college and move out of state...but the idea of having a gender-neutral name is rather intriguing. I've always been flattered when people call me ma'am by "mistake", or can't tell over the phone or something...so having it to where people couldn't tell just from looking at me on paper would be awesome...

I've not consistently felt any kind of strong urge to express myself as a woman and only a woman, but I have almost always resented how people try to force me to be a man. I'd really rather just be me and have people be okay with it not fitting either stereotype...but I'm really rather quiet and self conscious, so it feels like it's more stress than it's worth to deviate publically. I've got insecurity to spare in jeans and a hoodie...finding a vegetarian boyfriend is hard enough without me adding "awkward semi-cross dresser" to my list of things-to-be-loved-by-somebody. I also have no idea how to find somebody who'd be interested in me outside of the "gay" scene...which I don't really feel at home in. not that I've had any luck in that department anyway...arkansas sucks.

I really hate to be ostentatious and I'm kind of a hippie, so figuring out ways to express femininity that are in keeping with my fairly relaxed, casual-to-earthy style is kind of hard for me. it'd help if I didn't care so damn much about what everybody else thinks. have any of you seen instances of people pulling off a fairly good androgynous/queer/genderfuck sort of thing without it being all emo-kid trendy? I don't do tight pants and eyeliner...in a perfect world I'd be wandering around in peasant skirts wearing bangles, but at this point I'm still pretty much t-shirt and jeans because I have no idea what to do...just a vague but firm sense that I want to do something. maybe making my own clothes would work? meh. anybody feel me?

I know I'm not mtf...more like mt_ or mtx or something. not sure how to get there, though. hope this is still relevent to a trans community. thanks everybody =)

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Intro

2008-02-21T11:42:00Z

Posted by: youngstudlyboi.livejournal.com

Hi everyone, I'm new to the community. For a basic introduction, my name is Alex and I'm a soon-to-be 26 year old pre-op/no-ho TG butch guy. I grew up in NJ, went to school in Massachussetts, and now live in the SF Bay Area. With that said, I'll just dive in to the current waters I'm treading- and before I zip my wetsuit up, it's nice to meet you all!

I battled whether or not to go on T all the time when I was in college. It was a difficult struggle for me. I won't say that sometimes the idea of T isn't in the back of my mind, but rather I decided that it is probably not feasible for me to have T due to my medical history. So while I do have my pondering moments about the T or no T issue, it's not tumultuous for me anymore. However I do want top surgery and hopefully have that done by the time I am 30. I'm not sure yet if I'd want the F changed to an M, but I haven't come to that bridge yet. However I do wish that a T or even an X would be an option on legal documents!

Right now, I'm doing a legal name change. I always thought my first name is too feminine/pretty even though it can be a guy's name in another culture..but not in America. I never identified with the meaning of my middle name regardless of what gender people use it for.

So, I'm changing it. I can do it, I support myself financially and independently, and yes, I CAN DO IT!!

I wanted a middle name that'd reflect my Gaelic/Celtic/Scottish heritage but have also considered other possibilities that would go nicely with just Alex...input is really welcome:

Alex Cieran or Alex Ciaran
Alex Carson
Alex Mason
Alex Chandler
Alex Ryan
Alex Caden or Alex Caeden
Alex Caelen

Of course it'd have to go nicely with my Scottish last name.

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Intro and name changes

2008-01-10T12:36:00Z

Posted by: jack0falltrades.livejournal.com

I've lurked here for a while, but I guess it's time to make an introduction for myself...
I'm 21, androgynous, queer, pansexual, and go from feeling like the FTM label completely applies to me to feeling conspicuously out of place and that I don't belong here at all. I've always been a tomboy, I was convinced I was growing a penis when I was about 3, and am now having the persistent desire to get top surgery ( now is one of those times I feel that I belong here).
Yet I read other transmen's life stories sometimes, and feel like I can't relate at all. I know that it's not a cookie-cutter type of identity, but this lack of congruency is a little frustrating.

But here is a subject that has bugged me since I was little. My birth name is Abby, a name that I've always disliked for myself. I've read that it's actually a unisex name, but it screams "FEMININE" to me. I wanted to be named something androgynous: Sam, Chris, Taylor, Aiden... So my question to you is about name changes.
How did you go about choosing a new name for yourself? Has it changed more than once? Did you choose it based on meaning?

Another issue for me now is that on my campus the trans and queer community has literally exploded into visibility (a good thing), and trans and lgb people alike are changing their names left and right. While my name has been eating at me my whole life, I'm afraid that if I do anything about it now it will appear that I'm only following a fad. Others, assuming that I'm outside of the sphere of those changing names, have expressed their criticism of the whole ordeal. I know it's a bad reason to not do anything, but I can't help hesitating.

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name imput?

2007-07-14T14:44:00Z

Posted by: eoswildcat.livejournal.com

Hello
I have been thinking on this issue before about finding a male name for myself, and really, I have, however it is is simply the male variant of my given name, not bad in and of itself, but even more unusual.
the name in question is
MARINUS

any thought on choosing "odd" or unusual names for yourselves?
thanks!
xposted

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hi

2007-04-21T00:05:00Z

Posted by: fratboydan.livejournal.com

So you might be able to infer from my user tag that I'm Dan. I was very into frat culture, probably because I thought that was what was expected of men. Especially men who live in North Carolina.

I've come to the realization that while I might have a man's body, that's probably where it ends. I recently edited my profile and put up a new profile post, but I'm here because multiple people from other web communities referred to live journal as one of the best and the most supportive. So I'm here. After 10-12 years of burying this inside me, I'm out (at least online). And I feel great about it, even if I'm a little overwhelmed with the whole 'what now?' situation.

I understand that every person is different, but I'm looking for a good place to start and for people to support me along the way. I'm already seeing a psychologist and a psychiatrist, so I guess I'm looking for resources (particularly in NC) and any sort of guidance/advice/encouragement that can be given.

How did everyone go about picking their new names?

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