http://actoholic.livejournal.com/ (![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png)
actoholic.livejournal.com) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
trans2009-11-01 04:58 pm
actoholic.livejournal.com) wrote in trans2009-11-01 04:58 pm
Entry tags:
quick vent
Sooooo I came out to my parents.
It took putting myself in a position where it'd be nearly impossible not to to get it done, but I did it. See, I went on over to the court and changed my name, knowing damn well that the document was going to be mailed to their house. Of course, this was supposed to take a few weeks, so I figured I had a little time before I had to mail them the big long coming out letter I wrote them. Naturally, I was wrong.
So it got to their house a week and a half later and I get this desperate call from my mother demanding to know why I had a letter from family court. She seemed to think somebody was in trouble. Long story short, I got my mail from their house and left the letter.
A few hours later I get a text from my mom that basically said she loved me no matter what, and had a lot of questions but no anger. Several hours after that I got a text from my dad that just said "love you forever no matter" (probably meaning no matter what). This was freaking awesome. I came out to my mom several years ago and she just wasn't having it. She started buying me girl clothes and getting aggressively in my space, so I just started keeping it from her. She put it out of her head. I've been terrified of telling my dad because I never had a clue what he would think.
So I got all wrapped up in that relief and happiness and was like "oh wow, this is gonna be easy."
HAH.
I'm a fool.
Yesterday, I get a call from my mom, bitching me out for changing my name. She insisted that I'm going to screw up my financial aid even more and there will be all of these problems because of what I did. (Some of my money hasn't come through yet and the school is getting antsy.) I told her that I hadn't gone anywhere yet, like social security or the RMV, and I hadn't even told the school, so it wasn't going to be a problem. I told her my plan was to wait on that until after that financial aid stuff was sorted out for that very reason. She totally ignored what I was saying and just kept yelling at me telling me how much she wished I hadn't gone and done that, and I how stupid I was to do it, and how I was going to mess everything up and make everything harder. She wasn't particularly understanding.
Today I got another call from her. She demanded to know if I had told my roommate. She started asking all about how my roomie felt about it, did her family know, how did her parents feel about it, did the people on my floor know, etc. She seemed really pissed that my roommate and her family knew, but what really got me was that she did not believe that my roommate's parents were okay with it. I had to tell her a hundred times, that yes, her parents are fine with me, and then she went on to assert that I don't really "know" and they might not be. I almost cried I was getting so angry.
My roommate's mom is super nice to me, invited me to come home with my roommate any time, and told me she admired my courage for doing this for myself and for coming out to my own family. And there was my mother, insisting that I couldn't possibly know this woman is actually okay with me. Because that's so far fetched, so hard to imagine.
Ugh.
There has been plenty more since this, but I'm already taking up much more space than I intended to. I just needed to vent a little bit lest I totally break down.
P.S. I don't know how to do a "cut." Maybe somebody could fill me in and I could fix this up? EDIT - got the info, thank you!
It took putting myself in a position where it'd be nearly impossible not to to get it done, but I did it. See, I went on over to the court and changed my name, knowing damn well that the document was going to be mailed to their house. Of course, this was supposed to take a few weeks, so I figured I had a little time before I had to mail them the big long coming out letter I wrote them. Naturally, I was wrong.
So it got to their house a week and a half later and I get this desperate call from my mother demanding to know why I had a letter from family court. She seemed to think somebody was in trouble. Long story short, I got my mail from their house and left the letter.
A few hours later I get a text from my mom that basically said she loved me no matter what, and had a lot of questions but no anger. Several hours after that I got a text from my dad that just said "love you forever no matter" (probably meaning no matter what). This was freaking awesome. I came out to my mom several years ago and she just wasn't having it. She started buying me girl clothes and getting aggressively in my space, so I just started keeping it from her. She put it out of her head. I've been terrified of telling my dad because I never had a clue what he would think.
So I got all wrapped up in that relief and happiness and was like "oh wow, this is gonna be easy."
HAH.
I'm a fool.
Yesterday, I get a call from my mom, bitching me out for changing my name. She insisted that I'm going to screw up my financial aid even more and there will be all of these problems because of what I did. (Some of my money hasn't come through yet and the school is getting antsy.) I told her that I hadn't gone anywhere yet, like social security or the RMV, and I hadn't even told the school, so it wasn't going to be a problem. I told her my plan was to wait on that until after that financial aid stuff was sorted out for that very reason. She totally ignored what I was saying and just kept yelling at me telling me how much she wished I hadn't gone and done that, and I how stupid I was to do it, and how I was going to mess everything up and make everything harder. She wasn't particularly understanding.
Today I got another call from her. She demanded to know if I had told my roommate. She started asking all about how my roomie felt about it, did her family know, how did her parents feel about it, did the people on my floor know, etc. She seemed really pissed that my roommate and her family knew, but what really got me was that she did not believe that my roommate's parents were okay with it. I had to tell her a hundred times, that yes, her parents are fine with me, and then she went on to assert that I don't really "know" and they might not be. I almost cried I was getting so angry.
My roommate's mom is super nice to me, invited me to come home with my roommate any time, and told me she admired my courage for doing this for myself and for coming out to my own family. And there was my mother, insisting that I couldn't possibly know this woman is actually okay with me. Because that's so far fetched, so hard to imagine.
Ugh.
There has been plenty more since this, but I'm already taking up much more space than I intended to. I just needed to vent a little bit lest I totally break down.
P.S. I don't know how to do a "cut." Maybe somebody could fill me in and I could fix this up? EDIT - got the info, thank you!