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trans2005-02-28 02:19 am
jessynecessity.livejournal.com) wrote in trans2005-02-28 02:19 am
pseudo friendship...
I was burned today by a TS friend of mine who I trust her opinion. We were talking about general TS stuff and I mentioned that my dream was to get married, and adopt some kids. My "friend" said, and I quote, "It will never happen. Nobody will marry you, because nobody wants people like us"
I cried bitterly for like 2 hours... why would she SAY that to me??? I HAD to believe it was true, cuz she ALWAYS tells me things strait, hurtfull or not. I finally decided to re-enlist in the U.S. Army. Its been a loonnnngggggg time since I have considered quitting transition, but I actually MEANT it this time! when she called me "she" or "Jessica" I corrected her, and made her call me "he" or "Jeremy"... I got home, ran inside, changed into the most boyish clothes I have (15 months fulltime 24/7 as a female doesn't give me much option to look male) took off my makeup, and let my hair down. I still look and sound like a girl... alot.
I don't feel better about it now that I am in boy mode for the first time in way over a year... so now I don't know WHAT to do! It seems I am doomed, whoever I am... male or female! *ugh* either family hates me, and I never get to make a NEW family, OR i pretend to be someone else, and hate myself as much as they do now... freakin crazy!
advice anyone?
I cried bitterly for like 2 hours... why would she SAY that to me??? I HAD to believe it was true, cuz she ALWAYS tells me things strait, hurtfull or not. I finally decided to re-enlist in the U.S. Army. Its been a loonnnngggggg time since I have considered quitting transition, but I actually MEANT it this time! when she called me "she" or "Jessica" I corrected her, and made her call me "he" or "Jeremy"... I got home, ran inside, changed into the most boyish clothes I have (15 months fulltime 24/7 as a female doesn't give me much option to look male) took off my makeup, and let my hair down. I still look and sound like a girl... alot.
I don't feel better about it now that I am in boy mode for the first time in way over a year... so now I don't know WHAT to do! It seems I am doomed, whoever I am... male or female! *ugh* either family hates me, and I never get to make a NEW family, OR i pretend to be someone else, and hate myself as much as they do now... freakin crazy!
advice anyone?