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This Boy's Life: Being Transsexual in Kuwait
Published Date: August 14, 2009
By Sahar Moussa, Staff writer
'Gharam' means passion in Arabic and Gharam is what this young Kuwaiti male-to-female transsexual likes to be called. The first impression you get when sitting with Gharam is confusion. He is tall and thin with short, straight black hair, an obvious nose job and full lips and cheeks. You can see his well-shaped, wide eyes sparkle under the blue contact lenses and clean eyebrows. You cannot help but notice his soft skin and hairless arms under his navy blue t-shirt and his well-defined, lean body under the tight, white, low-waisted jeans. His smiles and gestures are exaggerated, showing off his well-manicured nails, fake dimples and perfect white teeth.
Family rejection
Twenty three year old Gharam felt he was different from childhood. "I was seven years old in primary school when I first felt that I enjoyed doing female things. I used to enjoy going to buy nail polish or sanitary towels for my aunt. When I was a little boy I preferred to mix with girls and play with them. My dad used to push me to play football with other boys, but I always refused and preferred dancing, putting on make-up and performing female characters in plays," he said.
Gharam's family refused to accept his feminine tendencies.
"When my parents knew that I was a transsexual they changed completely with me and started to make differences between my brothers and me. I'm not saying that my mother doesn't love me, but she doesn't and cannot understand my situation. What hurt me the most is her constant cursing of me, wishing that a bus would hit me and I'd die, I know that my parents wish I'd never been born or that I would vanish from life; all they care for is their name and reputation amongst people and their relatives, but they've never thought about me and my needs," he said in a sad, tremulous voice.
Eventually, as Gharam became more open about his homosexuality, his relatives cut off all ties with him and his grandmother kicked him out of her home. His siblings disowned him.
"I have four brothers and one sister; I'm the middle son between my brothers and the spoiled brat. All my brothers and sister treat me really badly and ask my father to kick me out of the house - they don't want me with them. Maybe my father hasn't thrown me out yet because he is afraid for his name and reputation or maybe it's love, I really don't know, but how can a parent that loves their son wish him to die because he is a transsexual?"
Intolerance and cruelty
Rather than beating him, Gharam's father at first tried a different approach: Bribery.
"My father used to give me everything I ask for - money, cars and travel, he thought he could buy my manhood. To tell the truth he didn't deprive me of anything, I used to change my car every two years, he spend more than KD 11,000 in Oman, he wanted me to be a fire officer, but unfortunately because of the awful comments and discrimination that I used to get from my Kuwaiti colleagues, I didn't finish my course and had to come back to Kuwait," he said.
"In Kuwait I entered several private universities but their behavior wasn't much different. Some Kuwaiti students called me names and made fun of me. Some used to tell me to my face that I must die, be hanged or killed; they felt that I didn't deserve to live. They didn't respect openly gay or lesbian people, so I had to quit and decided to enter an academic institute where they are mostly foreigners and now I'm going to get my diploma after nine months," he added.
Hormones and implants
At 18, Gharam began taking hormones to increase his estrogen levels. Hormones were only the preliminary steps to cosmetic surgery and the beginning of his dilemma.
"I've had four nose jobs, Botox injections in the face and lips and collagen in my butt. I had my Adam's apple removed, underwent body liposuction and hair-removal. I pluck my eyebrows, fix my nails and treat my skin to Moroccan baths to keep it clean and smooth. I use face and body creams constantly, I inject my face with oxygen to keep it glowing and healthy. I use feminine perfumes and sexy female underwear and I always take care of my outer appearance, but the major change that occurred to my physical appearance is my silicone breast implant," he explained.
"I had my breast implants done in Syria without any problems because it is a really open-minded country. I kept them for three years until I was obliged to remove them when the police caught me," he added.
Transsexuals in Kuwait face a variety of abuse, including arrest for dressing and acting like a woman. "The police caught me in the street, wearing a female outfit and then I discovered that my father was behind [the arrest] to scare me; they took me to the police station and shaved my head. Then they force me to remove my silicone breasts because of the law here and that really hurt me deeply because I felt that they where denying me of my femininity and my choice of freedom," he said with a lump in his throat.
"After this incident my father then tried to make it up to me by securing me a job and a new car, but what the point of providing me with all this and still are not accepting and loving who I am?
"What is so hypocritical in the story was the policemen who caught me, shaved my head then tried to sleep with me. This is not all - if any policeman stops me in the street and asks for my number and I refuse, he will threaten to take me to the police station," he revealed.
Trying to fit in
Because of his blatant homosexuality and feminine appearance, Gharam faces harassment wherever he goes.
"I'm a 'first degree' male Kuwaiti citizen working in a private sector job. I went to register for the social allowance wearing a descent male cloth; I thought I was exercising my rights in my country, only to be shocked by the employees' reaction against me, especially female staff delaying and stopping my papers on purpose, mocking me straight to my face and laughing scornfully. So papers that usually take 10 minutes with others needed an hour with me to finish them because for them I'm the freak in the cage that everybody wants to stare and laugh at."
Many Kuwaiti 'she-males'
Though homosexuality and transgenders are illegal in Kuwait, there are many who live the double life. "There are a lot of Kuwaiti 'she-males" like me, but I don't like to go out with them because they are very jealous of me. They envy me because I'm still living with my parents and I have a job and money and am studying, while with most of them their parents kicked them out from home and they're making a living as prostitutes and I truly don't want to take this path," he explained.
"It is not about money; I can get money easily by going out and sleeping with men and you can't believe how many men tried to hit on me offering me money. I can even put my pictures on the internet and get thousands if I want to, but why do I have to do this and catch some kind of a disease or AIDS and be locked up in a hospital sick or lose my life? All I want to do is to live a clean, respected life where I can continue my life normally."
Love hurts
"Once I went out with a married Kuwaiti man who has three children. At first I really believed that he loved me until he started asking me for money. I took out a 4,000 KD loan that I'm still paying interest on till now for him. I was ready to give him everything, but later he left me because I removed my silicone breasts," he said.
"My second relationship was with a 32-year-old married man; the relationship survived for only ten days. He said that he really loved me and I truly believed him. After that I started to be a very jealous and possessive person and asked him to leave and divorce his wife. He got scared and refused, so I went to his house acting hysterically in front of him and his family, so he beat me and forced me into my car. After that we stayed together for a week full of problems and troubles. I apologized and asked him if we could get back together like before, but he refused, telling me that he doesn't want or love me anymore," Gharam said sadly.
He let a few moments pass in silence, holding a tissue in one hand and reaching for a glass of water with the other from the table next to him as he tries to hold back the tears that threaten to brim over. Then, he continues his story with a mixture of disappointment and frustration.
"The last time I tried to get back together with him, I went to his house again and begged him to get back together, but instead he called my father and accused me of being the one who was hitting on him and wanting to sleep with him, denying the whole relationship. He was terrified that I would ruin his marriage, especially after he knew how crazy I was, although he used to talk badly about his wife and how she was not satisfying him physically and sexually. Then he changed his words and told me that he loves his wife and doesn't want to ruin his marriage for a transsexual. I still can't understand why he accepted and started to do a relationship with me then discarded me like he was throwing out a bag?" he asked in wonder.
Sex-change op
A sex-change operation is an idea he considers frequently but being a Muslim man who believes in God he refuses to have it done before requesting and receiving religious permission from a sheikh.
"Of course I think about having a sex change operation and I want to have it done at the right time, but not before I ask our religious sheikh and cleric and if they refused to grant me the approval, I will live my life as a lady-boy," he said.
"I believe in God; I fast and pray, although I admit that sometimes I skip praying, but that doesn't mean that I don't feel guilty. I know that they say that God don't look or help people like us, but I believe that God is merciful," he added.
Living in a conservative country people will not admit or allow some of the controversial phenomena to be legitimized by medical reports or scientific facts for fear that this could spread social chaos and disorder and could lead to social anarchy. But this hasn't prevented Gharam from choosing this route as his last resort in order to somehow defend himself.
"I wish that people could understand that I'm a harmless person that was born with a hormonal problem. I underwent a brain hormone test in a private hospital here in Kuwait and the tests indicate that the gland that is responsible for the male hormones is not functioning and the amount of female estrogen in my body is higher than the quantity of male hormones, but to be honest I also attempt to take hormones.
"I can't get the medical documents to prove that my female hormones are greater than the male hormones because the hospitals are afraid to confirm the results that prove it's a medical problem which would cause a lot of controversial issues for people like us. If we were living in the States or Europe the situation might be different, but here talking about or bringing up the issue is forbidden," he explained.
Gharam loves Kuwait because it is the place where he grew up and lived all his life and he doesn't wish to leave his country. Determined to fight for his freedom, he is ready to lose his family if they don't want to love and accept him as their son.
"I'm not asking anything from society but to accept my personal freedom because it's my own choice; it's true I'm a lady-boy, but I'm not a drug or alcohol dealer. I'm not trying to ruin the younger generation by pushing them to be like me. I'm a mature person and I'm responsible for my actions, and I have a god that will punish me. I'm a normal person that has ambitions. My goal is to finish my diploma, have a decent job, live an honest life and find a man that loves me and maybe adopt a child."
This Boy's Life: Being Transsexual in Kuwait
Published Date: August 14, 2009
By Sahar Moussa, Staff writer
'Gharam' means passion in Arabic and Gharam is what this young Kuwaiti male-to-female transsexual likes to be called. The first impression you get when sitting with Gharam is confusion. He is tall and thin with short, straight black hair, an obvious nose job and full lips and cheeks. You can see his well-shaped, wide eyes sparkle under the blue contact lenses and clean eyebrows. You cannot help but notice his soft skin and hairless arms under his navy blue t-shirt and his well-defined, lean body under the tight, white, low-waisted jeans. His smiles and gestures are exaggerated, showing off his well-manicured nails, fake dimples and perfect white teeth.
Family rejection
Twenty three year old Gharam felt he was different from childhood. "I was seven years old in primary school when I first felt that I enjoyed doing female things. I used to enjoy going to buy nail polish or sanitary towels for my aunt. When I was a little boy I preferred to mix with girls and play with them. My dad used to push me to play football with other boys, but I always refused and preferred dancing, putting on make-up and performing female characters in plays," he said.
Gharam's family refused to accept his feminine tendencies.
"When my parents knew that I was a transsexual they changed completely with me and started to make differences between my brothers and me. I'm not saying that my mother doesn't love me, but she doesn't and cannot understand my situation. What hurt me the most is her constant cursing of me, wishing that a bus would hit me and I'd die, I know that my parents wish I'd never been born or that I would vanish from life; all they care for is their name and reputation amongst people and their relatives, but they've never thought about me and my needs," he said in a sad, tremulous voice.
Eventually, as Gharam became more open about his homosexuality, his relatives cut off all ties with him and his grandmother kicked him out of her home. His siblings disowned him.
"I have four brothers and one sister; I'm the middle son between my brothers and the spoiled brat. All my brothers and sister treat me really badly and ask my father to kick me out of the house - they don't want me with them. Maybe my father hasn't thrown me out yet because he is afraid for his name and reputation or maybe it's love, I really don't know, but how can a parent that loves their son wish him to die because he is a transsexual?"
Intolerance and cruelty
Rather than beating him, Gharam's father at first tried a different approach: Bribery.
"My father used to give me everything I ask for - money, cars and travel, he thought he could buy my manhood. To tell the truth he didn't deprive me of anything, I used to change my car every two years, he spend more than KD 11,000 in Oman, he wanted me to be a fire officer, but unfortunately because of the awful comments and discrimination that I used to get from my Kuwaiti colleagues, I didn't finish my course and had to come back to Kuwait," he said.
"In Kuwait I entered several private universities but their behavior wasn't much different. Some Kuwaiti students called me names and made fun of me. Some used to tell me to my face that I must die, be hanged or killed; they felt that I didn't deserve to live. They didn't respect openly gay or lesbian people, so I had to quit and decided to enter an academic institute where they are mostly foreigners and now I'm going to get my diploma after nine months," he added.
Hormones and implants
At 18, Gharam began taking hormones to increase his estrogen levels. Hormones were only the preliminary steps to cosmetic surgery and the beginning of his dilemma.
"I've had four nose jobs, Botox injections in the face and lips and collagen in my butt. I had my Adam's apple removed, underwent body liposuction and hair-removal. I pluck my eyebrows, fix my nails and treat my skin to Moroccan baths to keep it clean and smooth. I use face and body creams constantly, I inject my face with oxygen to keep it glowing and healthy. I use feminine perfumes and sexy female underwear and I always take care of my outer appearance, but the major change that occurred to my physical appearance is my silicone breast implant," he explained.
"I had my breast implants done in Syria without any problems because it is a really open-minded country. I kept them for three years until I was obliged to remove them when the police caught me," he added.
Transsexuals in Kuwait face a variety of abuse, including arrest for dressing and acting like a woman. "The police caught me in the street, wearing a female outfit and then I discovered that my father was behind [the arrest] to scare me; they took me to the police station and shaved my head. Then they force me to remove my silicone breasts because of the law here and that really hurt me deeply because I felt that they where denying me of my femininity and my choice of freedom," he said with a lump in his throat.
"After this incident my father then tried to make it up to me by securing me a job and a new car, but what the point of providing me with all this and still are not accepting and loving who I am?
"What is so hypocritical in the story was the policemen who caught me, shaved my head then tried to sleep with me. This is not all - if any policeman stops me in the street and asks for my number and I refuse, he will threaten to take me to the police station," he revealed.
Trying to fit in
Because of his blatant homosexuality and feminine appearance, Gharam faces harassment wherever he goes.
"I'm a 'first degree' male Kuwaiti citizen working in a private sector job. I went to register for the social allowance wearing a descent male cloth; I thought I was exercising my rights in my country, only to be shocked by the employees' reaction against me, especially female staff delaying and stopping my papers on purpose, mocking me straight to my face and laughing scornfully. So papers that usually take 10 minutes with others needed an hour with me to finish them because for them I'm the freak in the cage that everybody wants to stare and laugh at."
Many Kuwaiti 'she-males'
Though homosexuality and transgenders are illegal in Kuwait, there are many who live the double life. "There are a lot of Kuwaiti 'she-males" like me, but I don't like to go out with them because they are very jealous of me. They envy me because I'm still living with my parents and I have a job and money and am studying, while with most of them their parents kicked them out from home and they're making a living as prostitutes and I truly don't want to take this path," he explained.
"It is not about money; I can get money easily by going out and sleeping with men and you can't believe how many men tried to hit on me offering me money. I can even put my pictures on the internet and get thousands if I want to, but why do I have to do this and catch some kind of a disease or AIDS and be locked up in a hospital sick or lose my life? All I want to do is to live a clean, respected life where I can continue my life normally."
Love hurts
"Once I went out with a married Kuwaiti man who has three children. At first I really believed that he loved me until he started asking me for money. I took out a 4,000 KD loan that I'm still paying interest on till now for him. I was ready to give him everything, but later he left me because I removed my silicone breasts," he said.
"My second relationship was with a 32-year-old married man; the relationship survived for only ten days. He said that he really loved me and I truly believed him. After that I started to be a very jealous and possessive person and asked him to leave and divorce his wife. He got scared and refused, so I went to his house acting hysterically in front of him and his family, so he beat me and forced me into my car. After that we stayed together for a week full of problems and troubles. I apologized and asked him if we could get back together like before, but he refused, telling me that he doesn't want or love me anymore," Gharam said sadly.
He let a few moments pass in silence, holding a tissue in one hand and reaching for a glass of water with the other from the table next to him as he tries to hold back the tears that threaten to brim over. Then, he continues his story with a mixture of disappointment and frustration.
"The last time I tried to get back together with him, I went to his house again and begged him to get back together, but instead he called my father and accused me of being the one who was hitting on him and wanting to sleep with him, denying the whole relationship. He was terrified that I would ruin his marriage, especially after he knew how crazy I was, although he used to talk badly about his wife and how she was not satisfying him physically and sexually. Then he changed his words and told me that he loves his wife and doesn't want to ruin his marriage for a transsexual. I still can't understand why he accepted and started to do a relationship with me then discarded me like he was throwing out a bag?" he asked in wonder.
Sex-change op
A sex-change operation is an idea he considers frequently but being a Muslim man who believes in God he refuses to have it done before requesting and receiving religious permission from a sheikh.
"Of course I think about having a sex change operation and I want to have it done at the right time, but not before I ask our religious sheikh and cleric and if they refused to grant me the approval, I will live my life as a lady-boy," he said.
"I believe in God; I fast and pray, although I admit that sometimes I skip praying, but that doesn't mean that I don't feel guilty. I know that they say that God don't look or help people like us, but I believe that God is merciful," he added.
Living in a conservative country people will not admit or allow some of the controversial phenomena to be legitimized by medical reports or scientific facts for fear that this could spread social chaos and disorder and could lead to social anarchy. But this hasn't prevented Gharam from choosing this route as his last resort in order to somehow defend himself.
"I wish that people could understand that I'm a harmless person that was born with a hormonal problem. I underwent a brain hormone test in a private hospital here in Kuwait and the tests indicate that the gland that is responsible for the male hormones is not functioning and the amount of female estrogen in my body is higher than the quantity of male hormones, but to be honest I also attempt to take hormones.
"I can't get the medical documents to prove that my female hormones are greater than the male hormones because the hospitals are afraid to confirm the results that prove it's a medical problem which would cause a lot of controversial issues for people like us. If we were living in the States or Europe the situation might be different, but here talking about or bringing up the issue is forbidden," he explained.
Gharam loves Kuwait because it is the place where he grew up and lived all his life and he doesn't wish to leave his country. Determined to fight for his freedom, he is ready to lose his family if they don't want to love and accept him as their son.
"I'm not asking anything from society but to accept my personal freedom because it's my own choice; it's true I'm a lady-boy, but I'm not a drug or alcohol dealer. I'm not trying to ruin the younger generation by pushing them to be like me. I'm a mature person and I'm responsible for my actions, and I have a god that will punish me. I'm a normal person that has ambitions. My goal is to finish my diploma, have a decent job, live an honest life and find a man that loves me and maybe adopt a child."