cross posted in genderqueer

[finding-meego.livejournal.com]

To be or not to be?

To be a lesbian for the rest of my life- feeling trapped, uncomfortable and hating my body. Never truely happy, never able to feel like i'm myself, always wondering what if

or

not to be a lesbian for the rest of my life- go through with ftm top surgery and "t" and become a hetero male to the naked eye. Finally feel free and happy, love my self and my body, be myself. But no longer be gay and whatever that means to me, instead be transman and whatever that would mean to me.

or

just do the ftm top surgery and still be a woman, what would i be then? where would i fit? Would I be a woman at work and a man for the rest of the time?