trans | Entries tagged with questioning

ftmichael.livejournal.com

Welcome to

transgender! Please read the tags and memories before posting questions, as your question may well have been answered already.

(This post is a permanent work in progress.)
( Other communities you may find useful )

artemissuicide.livejournal.com

Things have slowed down lately, not in any physical, or emotional sense- things just seem to have more time to get sorted out into a way that makes sense.

From the moment I was born, and even now; my mother has always wanted a little girl. I tried to appease her, really I did... But fact of the matter is, while I may look as real as any girl; I am a boy, and gay as gay can be... Mostly. I don't really know what I am internally, I know I have all the wrong parts, but am content in keeping the few that I have come across. I guess I am a conundrum, whatever.

I have been trying lately to find peace within myself, trying to work with what tools I have been given, and find a sense of what normal means- how I feel when I am 'normal' to me, and what that looks like to the outside world... I am filled with a million questions though. It is easy to label yourself as something, finding other people that fit the label is the hard part. I was wondering if feeling this misplaced has a cure- if there is anywhere to go, or things to do to just be?

This whole cross-gender thing, it fits, but it's never something I've talked to anyone but my mom about... So now I'm kinda lost, I thought posting here might help...

Current Mood: numb

anakhe.livejournal.com

Well, this is the first time I've posted on here.. My name is Kélen, and I feel genderless, in a way. Over the past six months, I've transformed from wearing somewhat girly clothes to a more masculine look. When I was dating, I was trying my hardest to look like a guy, and had full intentions on going on hormones and getting surgery. But my partner and I have since broken up and I was too numb to care about how I looked. I stopped binding, I stopped wearing the clothes I'd gotten with my ex and stopped binding. (Apparently I don't even need to bind because I'm about 34 A?). I found it was just causing a lot of breathing problems than making me look male. Then again, I was simply using tensor bandages (Never again!).
However, ever since I stopped "trying" to look male, I get pegged more as a guy than at that time. And I just feel a lot better about myself now than then. It's almost as if the "trying" made me stand out because I wasn't being myself, really. I had this weird fake confidence about me that apparently sit right with people. But now, even with breasts, I get called "dude" or "buddy" waaaaay more than I did then. When I do, I lower my voice just a bit. But I think my voice is fine enough as it is.
I think what it was was the little female part of me was just being abandoned and I wasn't myself. I was trying to ignore her and let the male out. Which is what I needed, in a way, but I could have gone about it differently. Thus, those were learning experiences. I feel a lot more myself by just leaving people up to interpreting me as they want. I won't deny I have a female body, but I won't deny that part of me, if not most of me is male.
I just thought I'd share my experience with people since others have posted their own which are most helpful ^ ^

Current Mood: enthralled

ezraiam.livejournal.com

hey there, i'm ezra, at least on here. i just made this account mostly so i could talk to all you people out there in the trans* community who have had experience with this kind of thing!
so here's the deal...
i'm 19, and have been out as a lesbian for about two years, but i knew way before that i fancied girls. they're just... entrancing. anywho, i just started college and being away from home and friends who have known me since i was 6 has made me question how comfortable i am as a "girl". when i was 8, i prayed to not grow breasts and most of my friends were boys. since then, i buried those feelings. now all year i've been questioning whether i want to live my life as a woman, or as an ftm. i know there's a way to live in between, but honestly that road really does not appeal to me. it seems too vague, for lack of a better explanation and i'm not a vague person. some days i wake up and i've got myself so convinced that i should come out as trans, but then the next day i can't even contemplate being a man full time but the thought of growing up into a woman scares me too.
i want to decide if i'm trans or not, because waking up every day trying to decide which pronoun to use in my head is driving me crazy. i know i didn't do a very good job explaining my mental situation, but i would really appreciate any help.
thanks again!
ezra

Current Mood: confused

sitiomania.livejournal.com

So I am horribly embarrassed about asking this but I've looked everywhere else and asked anyone else I can think of with no success. NSFW question behind the cut, and I assume any replies will be NSFW as well.
( I am so desperate. )

Current Mood: frustrated
Current Music: Hiding All Away - Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds

butter-n-sugar.livejournal.com

the other day while packing up our house to move, i was thinking about being a kid and also about the color pink and it's associations with femininity.

without prompting or pushing....i had this flash memory of being a young kid like 5 or 6 or 7, and i was looking at something pink and there was a smell (like candy) and a feeling of being connected to that pinkness somehow...it feels weird to have this memory of maybe the last time I ever really "felt" like a little girl, rather than felt just like a kid. idk, maybe i'm reading too much into it, it was just a feeling....but it stood out to me.

also, in looking through most of my school photos from childhood, i see that i really did look like a little dude....all the way along....(until puberty that is). i feel confident to say that the gender i am was likely there all along, i just didn't know how or who to be.

now that i have done the medical/social transition part i do feel more comfortable and confident but i am so curious about how i got to this place.

also....i have been invited to be in a riot grrrl cover band by a musician friend of mine. at first i just answered yes to her query without even thinking....now i wonder why she wanted to invite a guy to be in her grrrrl band. is it just a case of me being a "safe"/"acceptable" kind of guy? am i reading too much into it?

i do wish i didn't have to think of those things, but as a trans guy interacting with a lot of dykes/lesbians it does get me to thinking. i'm even thinking of bringing it up with her in order to get some clarity...

ellyrouge.livejournal.com

Okay, that might seem a weird issue, but it really buggers me at this time.

Here's my situation: ( details )I don't want to be completely stealth but I don't want people to out me either, and I have the impression that it's just some impossible thing to ask, and it's depressing me because I sometimes have the impression that there are things that will require me to cut myself off of my current friends and my current life if I want to experience them.

I don't know if other people have gone through similar stuff, but I would love to have some advice because I really feel torn apart and don't know what to thing anymore.

thequeerbitch.livejournal.com

I apologize if this post seems irrelevant or something.. I just need to get it off my chest.

( Feeling unattractive as a male. )

And to anyone who read and commented on my last post here, thanks a lot. I introduced myself to my teacher and my classmates as Nate and it went over really well. One person asked me why and I calmly explained I am transgendered and identify as male, her response was "That's cool." haha. All that anxiety for nothing ;p

tauros-asari.livejournal.com

I'm a young woman seriously considering the testosterone treatments. I've had clues all my life, physically and emotionally, and I think that this may be a good choice for me. However, the issues with family is holding me back. My family, although they'll never admit it, is very VERY socially conservative, and I know for a fact that they won't accept this change. For example, I tried coming out of the closet and telling them I was bisexual nearly a year ago, and my mother doesn't even view it as a "phase", no, she thinks it's a "trend". Her belief is that I want to be bi because everyone else is bi, and continues to restrict me based on those grounds, urging me to "rise above everyone else and be myself." My father is not much better, and both my grandmothers would try to disown me if I ever told them. (one nearly disowned her son for marrying a puerto rican woman). This would all be fine and tolerable if I was not living under the same roof as them. Not to mention they're urging me to go to college locally so we can "stay close". If that happens, I'll be trapped in the area forever under their watch. I can't do that and ever be happy, but going far away will risk tensions and becoming transgendered will likely spark all-out hatred and excommunication, as well as taking away all funding for college and my future, which will be a huge roadblock in continuing testosterone and getting surgeries

I'm still 17 so I know I'm not going to get it done yet, but if I do decide to go with the testosterone, I'm scared that my arms will be theoretically bound due to my family's ignorance. What should I do to try and lighten the blow, or at least keep my money safe in case they explode as a back-up plan? Whatever I'm doing now to try and get them to accept my bisexuality isn't working, so I fear for the day (if it comes) when I go trans.

Current Mood: anxious

butter-n-sugar.livejournal.com

The other day I was thinking about my status as a person who is sometimes stealth and sometimes not. And it got me to thinking about the way transgender is such a complicated word with so many layered meanings. And i came away thinking that i felt like medical and mental transition had allowed me to change my gender and that maybe I didn't need to use "trans" as part of my identity anymore. As a person who is not trying to live in the in-between space , who is not andro , who is solidly male in the world and in my mind being transgender only makes sense when I relate myself back to the dyke community.

that's when i bumped up against what is (for me) the most difficult part of this process. Now that I have been living as male for 10+ years and passing 100% for 3+ I want people (especially women and dykes) to treat me as a man and to some how magically forget that i was ever anything other than who i am now. i know that i can not change their actual though process and nothing that they do is ever threatening or even upsetting, it's just that i can sense that they are still holding on to that older outdated image/idea of who i am. I don't think there is a solution for this problem,since it's mostly an internal process for me but it does give me things to think about.

i feel so at home in this male-ness, it makes me wonder was i always male internally just experiencing the world as a person who is being perceived as female?

ya i'm just a bit introspective.... :)

jackdante.livejournal.com

Hi there, new member here.

I'm 28 and biologically female, but I haven't felt quite right with this body for a long time now. I'd just like to discuss things with other people who may have had a similar experience (female-to-male or male-to-female, anything is fine) and decide whether or not to pursue this further. I don't really have any friends I can discuss this with in person - I have good and close friends, but the issues of gender aren't something I can easily raise with them - so I'd like to speak with like-minded people on the subject.

For example, what sort of questions sould I be asking myself to decide whether or not to take this forward, and if so, where can I go? I'm pretty new to acting on this, so any advice would be greatly appreciated, thanks.

(I hope this is the right kind of place to post this. If not, please point me in the right direction.)

saraookami.livejournal.com

I'm still confused about myself, and which gender I feel I should be. Its been causing me so much stress and I'm hoping maybe I could get some feedback on the situation.

Ever since 2005 I get moments where I feel I should really have been born a boy (I'm biologically female) and then other times, I'll be fine with being female.

Recently I've been going through the phase of feeling like I really should have been born a boy. I'm even hating my visible female features and getting stressed that I'll probably never have the money to make the wanted changes to my body. I've tried binding with a binder I bought from Underworks but I cannot stand wearing it.

I've talked to my therapist about this and he said that it kinda sounds like gender identity disorder (that I still am not sure about though)and that maybe it would do some good to find a mentor to go to for support and such.

This whole situation just sucks really bad. Any advice, feedback, and information would be a lot of help.

Current Mood: depressed

a-dub37.livejournal.com

haha TiffanyTourette is my girlfriend... i made a live journal for all of you that said i should. Im super confused. i just want to know who or what i am.. i dont want a dick but i dotn want my tits. im more relaxed when ppl think im a guy but always worried they will find out im a girl. altho someday ima be a mommy or daddy and niether sound right...

kacicake.livejournal.com

Hello all, my name is Kaci, 17 years old, and I just joined this community yesterday in hopes that I can receive help on some issues I'm currently facing. I would also like to say that I'm deeply sorry if I get any of the terms wrong, or I say something that offends anyone. That is not my intention at all. If I say anything wrong or off, just let me know and I'll do my best to remedy it and/or explain myself. :) Anyway, onto the actual post.

( Cut for Length )

Sorry for all of that rambling and what not. Anyway, that's really all I can think of to say about the subject. I'd really appreciate any advice about this.

Current Mood: nervous
Current Music: Stadium Love - Metric

blueawakening.livejournal.com

This group may not be the place to discuss this, I've read your posts and it seems many of you are far beyond where I am at personally. I've been dealing with "gender dysphoria" all of my life. As a child my desires were so clear, I wanted to be a boy and I liked girls. As I grew older, I learned what lesbians were, assumed that I was one, and dealt with the trials and tribulations of homosexuality, deciding that must be my social categorization. As I grew older still, lesbian just didn't seem sufficient to describe me. For the past ten years, I've been dealing with the internal struggle of what feels like a jaggedly split divide. I do not feel that I am a woman, I don't know if I want to be a man, and the very thought of physically altering my body terrifies me. Hormones... surgery... it is such an enormous and permanent choice. Lately, I've longed for the confidence I had as a child, I want to be a boy and I like girls. The duality of my current existence is killing me.

How did you know you wanted to go through with it and become trans? How old were you? What was your process? Currently, I am identifying as "genderqueer" and refusing to choose a gender. I want to be one of those open people that can accept "fluidity" in gender, but there is a strong pull in me to make a decision. Any opinions on "genderqueer?" Have any of you ever chosen the label?

twoxmale.livejournal.com

My mother is still hounding me about this. Her latest claim is that me wanting to become physically (that's all I want, physically) male is like asking her to kill off her daughter because I will be a completely different person once I start taking hormones. This confused me. I asked her to explain and she said she keeps researching and reading and hearing horror stories of FtMs becoming aggressive short-tempered monsters on T.

What is up with this? My research has shown none of this. I won't really become a different person, will I? I mean, it would just be like going through puberty again, wouldn't it? I'd be weird for awhile and then my body would get used to it, right? I am a sensitive, emotional person, and T isn't magically going to suck all of the emotions out of me other than 'RAWR HULK SMASH'. I don't understand.

I give her examples of many many many sensitive/'metrosexual' men, show her the andogynous 'emo/goth' look I am aiming for with the guys that look like girls, and she dismisses them all. Which brings me to my other subject I want to ask about. I am completely fine with my personality. I would not mind being seen as a 'girly' guy, at all. In fact, I would prefer it. My gender identity is not completely male. As a male, I probably would be the reverse of a tomboy. I wouldn't really care if, after I've fully transitioned, people read me as female on occasion because of long hair or whatever.

It's my physical self I'm unhappy with. I don't know how to explain this to anyone. Wanting to change your GENDER is apparently a million times easier to convey to someone than wanting to change your SEX. There is a huge difference for me, and it's my SEX I want to change. My gender identity is androgynous, but my sexual identity is male. How do I explain this to someone?

Current Mood: frustrated

girl-kat.livejournal.com

Hi everyone. I've been needing to do this for a while, so here I am. This will be an introductory post in part - my thoughts, doubts, and questions will follow.

You may call me Kat - I am 23 years old and have been transitioning from male to female for the past four years or so. I've been on hormones for a bit over two. I have not had surgery done, nor do I, in the foreseeable future, intend to have it done.

All throughout my transition I have had doubts, and recent events have only magnified them. I need to get this stuff off my chest or I will not be able to have any sort of peace.

So with the introduction basically out of the way, allow me to get to the heart of the matter.... ( Read more... )

Current Mood: worried

gennee.livejournal.com

Last year, I was considering the possibility that I may be a transgenderist. I would define me as somewhere between a crossdresser and transsexual. I don't want to transition or take hormones. I have been dressing more and more. I would live full time as a woman but my marriage is more important.

I am equally comfortable in both genders, but I prefer the feminine. I am complete and liberated when I'm dressed. Also I don't feel constricted by what society says that I'm supposed to be. There are days I feel neither male or female. There are days that I feel that I'm both. I realized that I have crossed another threshold in my journey, something that two years ago I believed would happen.

It is said that life doesn't stand still. My journey hasn't either. I have discovered so much beauty and contentment and adventure. There are many, many genders that thankfully are being explored and embraced. I'm still discovering more about myself and exploring the many expressions of gender. What society thinks about me doesn't matter.

Gennee

jessethebrave.livejournal.com

WARNING: Serious genderconfused angst to follow.

This thing hits me in waves. Gender confusion, dysphoria, whatever - it's been crashing on me my entire life. When I was kid, it was just these tireless fantasies that I could hope and pray myself into a boy's body. As I got older, I let it out through those wonderful role playing games - GI Joes, Barbies, whatever, as long as I could briefly live out my male characters. I hated, and would not ever, be a female character in these games.

( Strange days )

theslithytove.livejournal.com

I feel like I might be at a disadvantage in understanding what seems to be a major concept here. I'm asexual, as well as aromantic, and being basically androgynous, so that might be part of it. So my question is this:

how do you define the difference between you gender and you sexuality?

I have a feeling I'm missing something big.

S	M	T	W	T	F	S
				1	2	3
4	5	6	7	8	9	10
11	12	13	14	15	16	17
18	19	20	21	22	23	24
25	26	27	28	29	30	31

Transgender Community

Welcome!

<- Doesn't know how to use a journal.

Passing.

hello

(no subject)

feeling pink - remembering feeling like a girl

Being pretty out but not wanting to be seenas trans, or something like that

Oh Vanity

Arms are Bound

beyond trans?

(no subject)

Help?

help

Confused and Questioning - What the hell am I?

A Mess of Gender Confusion;

Personality change, and sex vs gender

Butch transwomen, out of the woodwork with you

A Transgenderist

Seriously considering starting medical transition

(no subject)

Profile

March 2018

Links

Page Summary

Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags