Passing.

[anakhe.livejournal.com]

 Well, this is the first time I've posted on here.. My name is Kélen, and I feel genderless, in a way. Over the past six months, I've transformed from wearing somewhat girly clothes to a more masculine look. When I was dating, I was trying my hardest to look like a guy, and had full intentions on going on hormones and getting surgery. But my partner and I have since broken up and I was too numb to care about how I looked. I stopped binding, I stopped wearing the clothes I'd gotten with my ex and stopped binding. (Apparently I don't even need to bind because I'm about 34 A?). I found it was just causing a lot of breathing problems than making me look male. Then again, I was simply using tensor bandages (Never again!). 
However, ever since I stopped "trying" to look male, I get pegged more as a guy than at that time. And I just feel a lot better about myself now than then. It's almost as if the "trying" made me stand out because I wasn't being myself, really. I had this weird fake confidence about me that apparently sit right with people. But now, even with breasts, I get called "dude" or "buddy" waaaaay more than I did then. When I do, I lower my voice just a bit. But I think my voice is fine enough as it is. 
I think what it was was the little female part of me was just being abandoned and I wasn't myself. I was trying to ignore her and let the male out. Which is what I needed, in a way, but I could have gone about it differently. Thus, those were learning experiences. I feel a lot more myself by just leaving people up to interpreting me as they want. I won't deny I have a female body, but I won't deny that part of me, if not most of me is male. 
I just thought I'd share my experience with people since others have posted their own which are most helpful ^ ^