![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
thequeerbitch.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
transI apologize if this post seems irrelevant or something.. I just need to get it off my chest.
Okay, so, what's eating me right now is that I feel unattractive. When I presented female, even though I hated being that way, I at least felt pretty, and that sort of empowered me and gave me a little confidence. At least I wasn't ugly.
http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y156/No-One/Picture4-3.png
Now that I'm presenting male, or at the least androgynous, I don't feel I have that power anymore. As a female, people see me as butch, or typically "dyke"-ish. I don't even know how people perceive me as male. I've been called handsome by one or two people... but I personally just don't see it.
http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y156/No-One/Picture5-2.png
My huge issue with all this, is I'm afraid I'll be stuck in this unattractive state for the rest of my life. For my own personal reasons, I can't at this stage, see myself ever going on T. I plan to undergo top surgery eventually, but that's probably where my physical transition is going to end. I just... don't know what to do about this feeling. I can't go back to living as a girl, because it made me miserable, but at least I felt attractive. It shouldn't even matter because my partner has reassured me that he still finds me attractive anyway... but for some reason it really gets to me.
Should I just man the fuck up and get over it? Is there any way I can fix my image in a way that would help me feel more attractive? Any advice is helpful.
And to anyone who read and commented on my last post here, thanks a lot. I introduced myself to my teacher and my classmates as Nate and it went over really well. One person asked me why and I calmly explained I am transgendered and identify as male, her response was "That's cool." haha. All that anxiety for nothing ;p
Okay, so, what's eating me right now is that I feel unattractive. When I presented female, even though I hated being that way, I at least felt pretty, and that sort of empowered me and gave me a little confidence. At least I wasn't ugly.
http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y156/No-One/Picture4-3.png
Now that I'm presenting male, or at the least androgynous, I don't feel I have that power anymore. As a female, people see me as butch, or typically "dyke"-ish. I don't even know how people perceive me as male. I've been called handsome by one or two people... but I personally just don't see it.
http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y156/No-One/Picture5-2.png
My huge issue with all this, is I'm afraid I'll be stuck in this unattractive state for the rest of my life. For my own personal reasons, I can't at this stage, see myself ever going on T. I plan to undergo top surgery eventually, but that's probably where my physical transition is going to end. I just... don't know what to do about this feeling. I can't go back to living as a girl, because it made me miserable, but at least I felt attractive. It shouldn't even matter because my partner has reassured me that he still finds me attractive anyway... but for some reason it really gets to me.
Should I just man the fuck up and get over it? Is there any way I can fix my image in a way that would help me feel more attractive? Any advice is helpful.
And to anyone who read and commented on my last post here, thanks a lot. I introduced myself to my teacher and my classmates as Nate and it went over really well. One person asked me why and I calmly explained I am transgendered and identify as male, her response was "That's cool." haha. All that anxiety for nothing ;p