<- Doesn't know how to use a journal.

[artemissuicide.livejournal.com]

Things have slowed down lately, not in any physical, or emotional sense- things just seem to have more time to get sorted out into a way that makes sense.

From the moment I was born, and even now; my mother has always wanted a little girl. I tried to appease her, really I did... But fact of the matter is, while I may look as real as any girl; I am a boy, and gay as gay can be... Mostly. I don't really know what I am internally, I know I have all the wrong parts, but am content in keeping the few that I have come across. I guess I am a conundrum, whatever.

I have been trying lately to find peace within myself, trying to work with what tools I have been given, and find a sense of what normal means- how I feel when I am 'normal' to me, and what that looks like to the outside world... I am filled with a million questions though. It is easy to label yourself as something, finding other people that fit the label is the hard part. I was wondering if feeling this misplaced has a cure- if there is anywhere to go, or things to do to just be?

This whole cross-gender thing, it fits, but it's never something I've talked to anyone but my mom about... So now I'm kinda lost, I thought posting here might help...