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transthe other day while packing up our house to move, i was thinking about being a kid and also about the color pink and it's associations with femininity.
without prompting or pushing....i had this flash memory of being a young kid like 5 or 6 or 7, and i was looking at something pink and there was a smell (like candy) and a feeling of being connected to that pinkness somehow...it feels weird to have this memory of maybe the last time I ever really "felt" like a little girl, rather than felt just like a kid. idk, maybe i'm reading too much into it, it was just a feeling....but it stood out to me.
also, in looking through most of my school photos from childhood, i see that i really did look like a little dude....all the way along....(until puberty that is). i feel confident to say that the gender i am was likely there all along, i just didn't know how or who to be.
now that i have done the medical/social transition part i do feel more comfortable and confident but i am so curious about how i got to this place.
also....i have been invited to be in a riot grrrl cover band by a musician friend of mine. at first i just answered yes to her query without even thinking....now i wonder why she wanted to invite a guy to be in her grrrrl band. is it just a case of me being a "safe"/"acceptable" kind of guy? am i reading too much into it?
i do wish i didn't have to think of those things, but as a trans guy interacting with a lot of dykes/lesbians it does get me to thinking. i'm even thinking of bringing it up with her in order to get some clarity...
without prompting or pushing....i had this flash memory of being a young kid like 5 or 6 or 7, and i was looking at something pink and there was a smell (like candy) and a feeling of being connected to that pinkness somehow...it feels weird to have this memory of maybe the last time I ever really "felt" like a little girl, rather than felt just like a kid. idk, maybe i'm reading too much into it, it was just a feeling....but it stood out to me.
also, in looking through most of my school photos from childhood, i see that i really did look like a little dude....all the way along....(until puberty that is). i feel confident to say that the gender i am was likely there all along, i just didn't know how or who to be.
now that i have done the medical/social transition part i do feel more comfortable and confident but i am so curious about how i got to this place.
also....i have been invited to be in a riot grrrl cover band by a musician friend of mine. at first i just answered yes to her query without even thinking....now i wonder why she wanted to invite a guy to be in her grrrrl band. is it just a case of me being a "safe"/"acceptable" kind of guy? am i reading too much into it?
i do wish i didn't have to think of those things, but as a trans guy interacting with a lot of dykes/lesbians it does get me to thinking. i'm even thinking of bringing it up with her in order to get some clarity...