Personality change, and sex vs gender
Sep. 8th, 2009 06:25 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
twoxmale.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
transMy mother is still hounding me about this. Her latest claim is that me wanting to become physically (that's all I want, physically) male is like asking her to kill off her daughter because I will be a completely different person once I start taking hormones. This confused me. I asked her to explain and she said she keeps researching and reading and hearing horror stories of FtMs becoming aggressive short-tempered monsters on T.
What is up with this? My research has shown none of this. I won't really become a different person, will I? I mean, it would just be like going through puberty again, wouldn't it? I'd be weird for awhile and then my body would get used to it, right? I am a sensitive, emotional person, and T isn't magically going to suck all of the emotions out of me other than 'RAWR HULK SMASH'. I don't understand.
I give her examples of many many many sensitive/'metrosexual' men, show her the andogynous 'emo/goth' look I am aiming for with the guys that look like girls, and she dismisses them all. Which brings me to my other subject I want to ask about. I am completely fine with my personality. I would not mind being seen as a 'girly' guy, at all. In fact, I would prefer it. My gender identity is not completely male. As a male, I probably would be the reverse of a tomboy. I wouldn't really care if, after I've fully transitioned, people read me as female on occasion because of long hair or whatever.
It's my physical self I'm unhappy with. I don't know how to explain this to anyone. Wanting to change your GENDER is apparently a million times easier to convey to someone than wanting to change your SEX. There is a huge difference for me, and it's my SEX I want to change. My gender identity is androgynous, but my sexual identity is male. How do I explain this to someone?
What is up with this? My research has shown none of this. I won't really become a different person, will I? I mean, it would just be like going through puberty again, wouldn't it? I'd be weird for awhile and then my body would get used to it, right? I am a sensitive, emotional person, and T isn't magically going to suck all of the emotions out of me other than 'RAWR HULK SMASH'. I don't understand.
I give her examples of many many many sensitive/'metrosexual' men, show her the andogynous 'emo/goth' look I am aiming for with the guys that look like girls, and she dismisses them all. Which brings me to my other subject I want to ask about. I am completely fine with my personality. I would not mind being seen as a 'girly' guy, at all. In fact, I would prefer it. My gender identity is not completely male. As a male, I probably would be the reverse of a tomboy. I wouldn't really care if, after I've fully transitioned, people read me as female on occasion because of long hair or whatever.
It's my physical self I'm unhappy with. I don't know how to explain this to anyone. Wanting to change your GENDER is apparently a million times easier to convey to someone than wanting to change your SEX. There is a huge difference for me, and it's my SEX I want to change. My gender identity is androgynous, but my sexual identity is male. How do I explain this to someone?
