I need help

[xoxangelicaxox.livejournal.com]

I joined LJ and this community because a few weeks ago my husband of two years came out to me as transsexual.  He's still strictly attracted to women (aka me) but he wants to go through with living as a woman for a spell, and ultimately hormone therapy and surgery to become a woman. 

I'm so at a loss.  He completely blindsided me, and figured that just because I'm bisexual and have always had a thing for girls that I'd automatically be cool with him becoming a girl.  He literally said this.  He doesn't want to change his name or switch pronouns "yet", for which I'm thankful at the moment. 

We're best friends but he's being so nonchalant about this.  He's been (trying, poorly - my poor sweetie!) to dress femininely and has been asking "girly" advice, which I've given freely, but as far as me voicing my feelings and confusion about this..I don't know where to start.  I love HIM, and every part of HIS body.  We were (are?) planning on raising a family, and till now have been trying to get pregnant.  The whole baby-making thing isn't working out because my mental and spiritual attraction to him doesn't overcome my lack of attraction to my husband wearing my skirts, dresses, and makeup, curling his long hair.  He really looks...bad...and its been so hard to give him tips because he has his own idea of what girls wear and look like.  He keeps asking me if he looks convincing (he is, indeed, a pretty effemiate guy - not hairy, can't grow a beard, smooth skin, thin build, soft face).  I'm truthful and say he doesn't, and he gets hurt over this.    He's seen a few therapists over the past month, and wants me to go with him eventually so we can unmuddy the waters, I guess, with a third party there.


I've started ranting..I'm sorry.  I don't mean to sound so closedminded, but this is so far from what I expected from my MARRIAGE that I don't know where to even begin to process it, and ultimately, talk to my husband about with.  I know its hard to come out to your loved ones and I don't want to shun him, turn hiim away..he's my best friend and I love him more than anything, and I want to be there, and I want to be comfortable with it..so far we've just been pretending that I don't think its strange, and have been going through it day by day.  I'm running out of time, though - he wants to go out in public with me dressed as a woman, and I'm so frightened of running into a friend and having to explain this, and whats going on..

Where do I begin?  Where do I start?  Has anyone out there gone through the same thing with a husband or wife..?   Please help me.