I'm a boy, but my ma won't admit it.

[xxx-pandacross.livejournal.com]

Er. First post here, obviously. I also think I may be too young for this community. (There is the completely dead transgendrteens. But I want advice, dammit, so I'm posting here before I do anything rash.)

Anyways, my given name is Amanda (which I've always thought was rather blegh), and I'm fifteen, turning sixteen in a couple months. I'm really at that age when you start to figure out who, exactly, you are, and I'm a bit confused. And I know this is going to be super long, so I'll just cut it now.



I have an obsession with that song. 8| Well, anyways, let's get down to business.

I think I may be transgender. I'm not really sure, though, so I don't want to say or do anything just yet.

All I know is that I've always wondered why I couldn't have been born a boy, and those thoughts are raging full swing now that I'm on the long, rickety road to becoming myself.

I'm not comfortable saying that I want to completely be a boy. I think that once life changing surgery is enough for me. (I'm scheduled for gastric bypass next month.)

However, I'm not comfortable saying that I want to remain a girl. I'd much rather prefer if I was born a intersex, right smack dab between the genders without having to bother with all these thoughts of not wanting to be what I am.

I already know that I don't like boys; never have, probably never will. But I don't feel comfortable calling myself a lesbian. I'm pretty damn sure there's something more to me than that.

The thing is, I don't know what to do. I'm pretty sure I'm transgender, despite the fact that all I'd really do is get a binder after my surgery. (Probably swap some of my clothes I don't wear for it. I really wish I had my own checking account. Someday. Like maybe November.) I don't want to do hormone treatment. (My voice is already deeper than usual, and facial hair is gross. Except on some people it looks good. Probably not so for me.)

I've already done some pretty drastic things like shaving off the majority of my hair (which is thick and curly, all around beautiful), and looking even more like a boy from that.

But, anyways, I want some advice as to how I can be certain I'm really a boy or girl. Not something like, 'oh you do such-and-such, so you're obviously supposed to be a boy', but something helpful, like the best way to ask myself, and how to know if I'm lying.



Well, thanks for reading if you did. Any advice would be wonderful. And if the mod feels I'm too young, feel free to delete, or whatever. 8)