Storm Front on the Horizon
Sep. 18th, 2007 06:43 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
labrat78.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
transThere is a storm coming, a shit storm. It is brewing on the horizon and it is headed this way. I hope it dissipates before it gets to me but I doubt it as it seems to be gathering strength and speed. Maybe I am wrong and it will miss me, I have been wrong before, always going off half cocked.
It appears that the compromising has begun whereas my family is concerned. My fathers imminent death has my mom and I am sure some others wanting me to not show up at the funeral as myself. Right now the talk being bandied about is to come as a watered down androgynous version of myself. WHAT THE FUCK?
Now I don’t know about you but this is backsliding to me and just down right wrong to do. I am sure it is because that no one wants any friends at the thing to ask “who is that?” Well they are going to ask this no matter what they see as it is obviously clear to a lot of people that I am not a man anymore, never really have been and have no intention of ever becoming one again, not even for a few hours. Sorry folks it ain't there and all the complaining in the world ain't gonna bring good ole’ (boy name deleted) back from the edge. I told her I don’t want to even see it on the funeral home stuff or the obituary. I don’t even really want my initials there.
Now I am sure that some will say that I am acting selfish and cold spirited but I have feelings too and they are not to be compromised for the sake of a little inconvenience or adversity. My mom tells me that “one day for your dad won’t hurt” but yes it will and I know it even if no one else really cares. Maybe someone should have taken care of announcing to everyone in church that hey, my son is becoming my daughter and then the shock would have not been so great and the possible embarrassment wouldn’t be so bad.
Look, I can’t go back. I am not going to go back, and that is final. I go to a funeral as Traci or I don’t show up at all. She tells me that there won’t be any visitation, just the church funeral and burial. Visitation in the Catholic Church I believe is called a wake. I have not been on good speaking terms with my father really since coming out. A combination of his feebleness and no ability to change along with being stubborn isn’t helping a bit. He never really even talks about what I am doing. It seems that when I ever did visit, I would spend time with mom or her computer and that was that while dad sat in front of a TV the whole time.
Do I sound bitter? Yes I am. Just when you think you have family behind you, all bets are off when something else comes up and you are expected to “put away your toys and act like an adult”. My transitioning is not a joke, never has been, and never will be. I am beginning to seriously consider![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
girlnamedsammi’s counterproposal and stay away from it all, and have a wake down here and get drunk on my ass. This way I don’t lower my standards and cower into someone else’s demands.
Comments anyone?
It appears that the compromising has begun whereas my family is concerned. My fathers imminent death has my mom and I am sure some others wanting me to not show up at the funeral as myself. Right now the talk being bandied about is to come as a watered down androgynous version of myself. WHAT THE FUCK?
Now I don’t know about you but this is backsliding to me and just down right wrong to do. I am sure it is because that no one wants any friends at the thing to ask “who is that?” Well they are going to ask this no matter what they see as it is obviously clear to a lot of people that I am not a man anymore, never really have been and have no intention of ever becoming one again, not even for a few hours. Sorry folks it ain't there and all the complaining in the world ain't gonna bring good ole’ (boy name deleted) back from the edge. I told her I don’t want to even see it on the funeral home stuff or the obituary. I don’t even really want my initials there.
Now I am sure that some will say that I am acting selfish and cold spirited but I have feelings too and they are not to be compromised for the sake of a little inconvenience or adversity. My mom tells me that “one day for your dad won’t hurt” but yes it will and I know it even if no one else really cares. Maybe someone should have taken care of announcing to everyone in church that hey, my son is becoming my daughter and then the shock would have not been so great and the possible embarrassment wouldn’t be so bad.
Look, I can’t go back. I am not going to go back, and that is final. I go to a funeral as Traci or I don’t show up at all. She tells me that there won’t be any visitation, just the church funeral and burial. Visitation in the Catholic Church I believe is called a wake. I have not been on good speaking terms with my father really since coming out. A combination of his feebleness and no ability to change along with being stubborn isn’t helping a bit. He never really even talks about what I am doing. It seems that when I ever did visit, I would spend time with mom or her computer and that was that while dad sat in front of a TV the whole time.
Do I sound bitter? Yes I am. Just when you think you have family behind you, all bets are off when something else comes up and you are expected to “put away your toys and act like an adult”. My transitioning is not a joke, never has been, and never will be. I am beginning to seriously consider
girlnamedsammi’s counterproposal and stay away from it all, and have a wake down here and get drunk on my ass. This way I don’t lower my standards and cower into someone else’s demands. Comments anyone?
