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Sep. 20th, 2007 12:16 am![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
revlemming.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
transSeeking advice for an experienced hitherto-hetero male seeking a relationship with an innocent FtM.
Well. My name's Kyle, and I'm brand new to this community. Truth be told, I only joined to ask this question.
I also apologize in advance if I offend anyone, or if I use incorrect terminology. It's not my intention at all, I'm simply very clueless. =P
I have...romantic interest in an FtM - female by birth, but identifies as male. Has not had the operation, does not breast-bind yet, dresses androgynously; in jeans and t-shirts.
He has been involved in several relationships in his life, ALL of which were unhealthy or downright abusive.
I am mentally and emotionally attracted to him. I am physically attracted to him - which is unsurprising, but kind of problematic. Let me elaborate; physically, I am attracted to him as a person as opposed to female qualities - I arch a brow at the graceful way he moves, and the way his eyes light up and sparkle, and his insecure grin, as opposed to feeling the typically-male urge to stare at his chest.
He was forcefully and violently taken advantage of once or more, and therefore rarely masturbates; sexually, he doesn't know what he enjoys.
His only request, mentioned in passing as opposed to actually a hint to me, is an obvious one; he needs to be treated as a male.
Before I get a slew of people warning me, I'm not a jerk, and REGARDLESS of gender, I understand how gentle and slow I need to be if a sexual situation EVER arises. Which...to be fair, I doubt. Just wanted to mention this. Not just because of the virginity, but the other factors as well. Don't worry about that.
My question is thus; assume for a moment I did pursue a relationship with this person. I doubt they are particularly interested in me at this point, but it's a thought process I want to follow fully before even considering making my feelings known. I'd hate to end up in a relationship with someone, only to discover I'm simply not able to cope with an aspect of it.
That being said, I would obviously like any physical experiences as pleasant and nonthreatening as possible for him.
But. Treat him like a male? That's tricky for me.
It's like this.
Were I with a physical male, oral sex would be fine (again, LATE down the line here, if ever). In this situation? Very, very unlikely. I suspect that even hinting at it would kill the mood for him, or he'd feel repulsion. I'm not sure.
But there are gray areas as opposed to the black-and-white example above. Nipples are an erogenous zone for men and women both. Is that something men involved with FtMs should avoid as well, because breast play is so often associated with femininity?
I enjoy sex a great deal. I love to explore my partner's body thoroughly, and with them. In a FtM situation, I am wholly out of my element, since I don't think I can do that. By the occasional flinch or whatnot, I'm really worried there's a invisible 'do-not-touch' zones on his body that I'm going to have to deal with, even as a friend. And as a partner, leave me to spend hours with less than half a dozen erogenous zones to work with.
Any and all advice would be deeply appreciated!!
Well. My name's Kyle, and I'm brand new to this community. Truth be told, I only joined to ask this question.
I also apologize in advance if I offend anyone, or if I use incorrect terminology. It's not my intention at all, I'm simply very clueless. =P
I have...romantic interest in an FtM - female by birth, but identifies as male. Has not had the operation, does not breast-bind yet, dresses androgynously; in jeans and t-shirts.
He has been involved in several relationships in his life, ALL of which were unhealthy or downright abusive.
I am mentally and emotionally attracted to him. I am physically attracted to him - which is unsurprising, but kind of problematic. Let me elaborate; physically, I am attracted to him as a person as opposed to female qualities - I arch a brow at the graceful way he moves, and the way his eyes light up and sparkle, and his insecure grin, as opposed to feeling the typically-male urge to stare at his chest.
He was forcefully and violently taken advantage of once or more, and therefore rarely masturbates; sexually, he doesn't know what he enjoys.
His only request, mentioned in passing as opposed to actually a hint to me, is an obvious one; he needs to be treated as a male.
Before I get a slew of people warning me, I'm not a jerk, and REGARDLESS of gender, I understand how gentle and slow I need to be if a sexual situation EVER arises. Which...to be fair, I doubt. Just wanted to mention this. Not just because of the virginity, but the other factors as well. Don't worry about that.
My question is thus; assume for a moment I did pursue a relationship with this person. I doubt they are particularly interested in me at this point, but it's a thought process I want to follow fully before even considering making my feelings known. I'd hate to end up in a relationship with someone, only to discover I'm simply not able to cope with an aspect of it.
That being said, I would obviously like any physical experiences as pleasant and nonthreatening as possible for him.
But. Treat him like a male? That's tricky for me.
It's like this.
Were I with a physical male, oral sex would be fine (again, LATE down the line here, if ever). In this situation? Very, very unlikely. I suspect that even hinting at it would kill the mood for him, or he'd feel repulsion. I'm not sure.
But there are gray areas as opposed to the black-and-white example above. Nipples are an erogenous zone for men and women both. Is that something men involved with FtMs should avoid as well, because breast play is so often associated with femininity?
I enjoy sex a great deal. I love to explore my partner's body thoroughly, and with them. In a FtM situation, I am wholly out of my element, since I don't think I can do that. By the occasional flinch or whatnot, I'm really worried there's a invisible 'do-not-touch' zones on his body that I'm going to have to deal with, even as a friend. And as a partner, leave me to spend hours with less than half a dozen erogenous zones to work with.
Any and all advice would be deeply appreciated!!