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transFor the past 19 years (or maybe 18) because I don't know of anyone who can remember time starting exactly right after they were born.
Let's just say, for the past 18 years, since the day I developed a conscience and mind of my own, I have felt that I was a stranger in my own body. I did all of the things a typical little girl does. I played with Polly Pocket, Barbie Dolls, dreamt of fairytales and let my imagination free. One thing that has always remained constant was my deep desire to be a guy, to be accepted as one, respected as one, treated as one. I can remember when I was a little girl and every single Halloween, I would dress up as a more masculine character, whether it was a pirate or an army dude, or spiderman. That always felt liberating.
However, it wasn't always peaches and cream. Many times, as a young girl, I would set up forts and pretend I was trapped in a castle. I imagined myself as a princess, like Rapunzel. I would always think, "I'm a princess. I'm supposed to be a princess. Everyone is smiling so I must be doing something right." My parent's would play along with me, calling me their little princess... but that never felt right. I can remember I always had that deep desire to switch roles and transform into a knight in shining armor, who's mission was to save another princess. I think back and wonder how I knew at such a young age what would be socially acceptable and what wouldn't. I just did. Most babies are conditioned at birth and raised as a female or a male, one or the other, and I was raised as a female, starting with the color of my blanket.
I know that I am a male, I know this. I shouldn't ask opinions here because we are all going against what society labels as "socially acceptable". I say, screw society. Be who you are. You can be a woman who loves women. A woman who loves men. Or even more specific, you can be a woman who loves vagina or penis. Or you can be a man who lives vagina or penis. You can be either one who likes both. You can be a feminine man. Or a masculine woman. Be who you want to be and who you are and also love yourself for who you are.
I know this kinda started off as a story and then progressed to be a "sermon" but it has a valid point. The point I was trying to make was, it's okay to be confused about who you are and be scared about how society will react. But boys and girls, you aren't living for society. You are living for yourself and that is all that matters. There are people out there who will accept you for who you are and there are some who won't.
I thought I would mention this because when I was struggling with being who I was, these are the words I longed to hear. I never needed to be told it was easy, because it's not. I just needed to be told that it was okay. It was okay for me to be who I am.
Maybe this post doesn't help anyone. Maybe most of you already know where I'm coming from.
Maybe some agree or even disagree.
But the chance that it could help someone, someone like myself, is what provoked me to post.
Let's just say, for the past 18 years, since the day I developed a conscience and mind of my own, I have felt that I was a stranger in my own body. I did all of the things a typical little girl does. I played with Polly Pocket, Barbie Dolls, dreamt of fairytales and let my imagination free. One thing that has always remained constant was my deep desire to be a guy, to be accepted as one, respected as one, treated as one. I can remember when I was a little girl and every single Halloween, I would dress up as a more masculine character, whether it was a pirate or an army dude, or spiderman. That always felt liberating.
However, it wasn't always peaches and cream. Many times, as a young girl, I would set up forts and pretend I was trapped in a castle. I imagined myself as a princess, like Rapunzel. I would always think, "I'm a princess. I'm supposed to be a princess. Everyone is smiling so I must be doing something right." My parent's would play along with me, calling me their little princess... but that never felt right. I can remember I always had that deep desire to switch roles and transform into a knight in shining armor, who's mission was to save another princess. I think back and wonder how I knew at such a young age what would be socially acceptable and what wouldn't. I just did. Most babies are conditioned at birth and raised as a female or a male, one or the other, and I was raised as a female, starting with the color of my blanket.
I know that I am a male, I know this. I shouldn't ask opinions here because we are all going against what society labels as "socially acceptable". I say, screw society. Be who you are. You can be a woman who loves women. A woman who loves men. Or even more specific, you can be a woman who loves vagina or penis. Or you can be a man who lives vagina or penis. You can be either one who likes both. You can be a feminine man. Or a masculine woman. Be who you want to be and who you are and also love yourself for who you are.
I know this kinda started off as a story and then progressed to be a "sermon" but it has a valid point. The point I was trying to make was, it's okay to be confused about who you are and be scared about how society will react. But boys and girls, you aren't living for society. You are living for yourself and that is all that matters. There are people out there who will accept you for who you are and there are some who won't.
I thought I would mention this because when I was struggling with being who I was, these are the words I longed to hear. I never needed to be told it was easy, because it's not. I just needed to be told that it was okay. It was okay for me to be who I am.
Maybe this post doesn't help anyone. Maybe most of you already know where I'm coming from.
Maybe some agree or even disagree.
But the chance that it could help someone, someone like myself, is what provoked me to post.
