A Different girl

[bcgirl19872006.livejournal.com]

It's rather long, so I put it in a cut right
A Different Girl
By: Kyraiin L. P.

I was born in a warm room on a cold day,

On a December night 21 years away.

The doctor looked me up and down and exclaimed it's a boy,

My family delighted, mother filled with joy.

Little did she know that day the truths that were missed,

For no one could see what inside my brain ticked.

I grew up so normal, albeit a bit quiet,

No one knew the thoughts uprising a riot.

In my mind, over time, I knew for certain,

Something was different, was wrong, was hurting.

"I should be you" I told her back then,

I was the sissy boy, she was my friend.

Six years old, and she'd sneak me her dolls,

'Cause I couldn't play with them, they weren't boys toys at all.

Sports, games and action figures, grant the second I like,

The dolls were amiss and I couldn't figure out why.

Then came the tweens, probably twelve or eleven,

I thought I had died and did not go to heaven.

All other girls were changing the same,

But I was so different, so manly in change.

They started budding, and I grew in height.

They got their period, and I learned to fight.

My muscles got bigger and I looked like the boys,

I finally realized why the dolls weren't my toys.

No! I had screamed. This is fucked! This is wrong!

What the hell did I do?! I felt bad, I felt wrong.

I spent roughly five years telling myself I was a boy,

It just wouldn't work this internalized ploy.

I felt like a zombie made for everyone else,

The person I was never seen, never felt.

Seventeen I decided alright, that's enough

I started to research a term that came up.

In a group that I went to that was friendly to me.

Not to the mannequin or the facade, but to me!

A place I could say sweetie and hunny and dear,

Let out some feelings, let people come near.

The term was Transgender, one many now know,

To place it, and name it was relief in its own.

I now knew that I wasn't alone.

Over the next years, I studied away

Late into the night, start early, the day

After work, after school, I learned all that I could

For myself, for my betterment, for the life that I should

Have had when I started those years ago

When the doc should have said, it's a girl, it's a girl!

But enough on the past, and now to the present,

The woman materializing from thought to conception.

Though it's just started, only the beginning,

Tis quite a story, though one with no ending.

The upbringing of a girl, stuck in a boy,

Finally freed, allowed dolls for toys.

While grant its not peachy, there are certainly problems,

To dwell would be preposterous, cause I'm not my problems.

I'm fixing all that, I'm making me happy,

What others say just doesn't carry

The weight that it used to, bricks holding me down,

Now you know the story of this girl that you've found.

If you still like me, wonderful, talk

And away from me please if you really do not.