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transUm, so last year or so, there was a rally to repeal Prop 8 here in San Francisco. I went to go help my friend film a bunch of things for a documentary. Near the end of the rally, I was sitting on some steps, guarding the equipment, and this person named Jasper walked up and asked me if she* could take a picture of me. She said it was for her website and that he liked my socks. I said okay, but asked her not to take any pictures of my face, as I feel weird about that (plus, I'm a trans woman, and hadn't started HRT at the time, and really didn't like any pictures of my face in any capacity, really). So she took the pictures and chatted with me a little about gender things (her relationship with it, mostly, but also that I'm a trans woman and blah blah blah), and then she left.
A few weeks ago, my friend told me that she had seen my picture not just on the website, but also as part of a show at SomArts in SF. The horrible things are 1) The picture is of my whole body, including my face (and yes, I'm looking up in the photo, but again, I had asked her not to take them of me face), and 2) as part of a show called "Imagining Male Femininity." I feel really shitty and fucked over about it.
Shit, having my gender or even state of being/mind declared and presented (not even to me, but) to the world at large is amazingly fucked, especially for a person who presents as at least genderqueer and definitely on the queer spectrum. Gah, I can't even really coherently explain how messed up and wrong and shitty it makes me feel. The biggest thing, I suppose is that a person essentially lied to me, and then felt entitled to make up an identity for me; one that would fit this person's conception of what they wanted me to be, instead of listening for one fucking second.
I'm going to send an e-mail to the website and ask for that picture to be taken down. I feel that I just wanted to share this because it messed with me a lot, and I'm pretty hurt and depressed by the whole thing. I get enough denial of myself in my regular life, I don't need it to be flaunted about on the internet and in art shows.
*I'm pretty sure Jasper told me she identified as female, so that's why I'm using those pronouns. If I'm wrong, it's not due to any disrespect, and can alter accordingly.
A few weeks ago, my friend told me that she had seen my picture not just on the website, but also as part of a show at SomArts in SF. The horrible things are 1) The picture is of my whole body, including my face (and yes, I'm looking up in the photo, but again, I had asked her not to take them of me face), and 2) as part of a show called "Imagining Male Femininity." I feel really shitty and fucked over about it.
Shit, having my gender or even state of being/mind declared and presented (not even to me, but) to the world at large is amazingly fucked, especially for a person who presents as at least genderqueer and definitely on the queer spectrum. Gah, I can't even really coherently explain how messed up and wrong and shitty it makes me feel. The biggest thing, I suppose is that a person essentially lied to me, and then felt entitled to make up an identity for me; one that would fit this person's conception of what they wanted me to be, instead of listening for one fucking second.
I'm going to send an e-mail to the website and ask for that picture to be taken down. I feel that I just wanted to share this because it messed with me a lot, and I'm pretty hurt and depressed by the whole thing. I get enough denial of myself in my regular life, I don't need it to be flaunted about on the internet and in art shows.
*I'm pretty sure Jasper told me she identified as female, so that's why I'm using those pronouns. If I'm wrong, it's not due to any disrespect, and can alter accordingly.
