Apparently there's nothing I can do...
Mar. 28th, 2010 04:01 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
justtristan.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
trans Hey everyone. I hope I'm posting this in the right area. I'm 20 years old. I'm still semi-in the closet about my gender identity. The world sees me as a woman. But that's not what I'm supposed to be. When I was 8 years old, I told some kids in my class that I was supposed to be a boy. Somehow it managed to work it's way to the principle and then to my step-mom. She was very 'dis-pleased' with me for it. She threw me into cheer leading and dance classes to get me away from that. I was ashamed of my feelings for so long. Up until about 4 years ago, I did my best to push every emotion and feeling I had to the side. Because every single one of them made me realize even more that I'm a guy. But even after that I still hid it. Up until last night.
I approached my birth mom about it. I explained everything to her. Poured it all out. But she only had two things to say. The first one was "But you're a very pretty girl." That killed me. I didn't want to hear her saying that after telling her that I'm a guy. And that's what I told her. Which then led her to "Well there's nothing you can do about it." Which we all know is a lie. But truth be told... I don't have the money for breast reduction surgery, let alone SRS. She refuses to accept it, clearly, since this morning I woke up and she immediately started being all "Oh look my baby girl is awake! I just love her so much." Yes... talking in third person to me and calling me a girl. I hated it.
I just need some guidance from someone who understands. How to I go about my life? I need to live as a male. I can't continue to look at myself in the mirror and see a woman. So... I cross dress. There is a huge issue there. The chest. Binding doesn't work well for me. Size. And I don't particularly know how to go about living as a guy. I've done everything I could my entire life to be as feminine as possible out of shame. I've really messed myself up with that. I need to find myself now. And I need support as I do it. Does anyone have any advice they could give me?
I approached my birth mom about it. I explained everything to her. Poured it all out. But she only had two things to say. The first one was "But you're a very pretty girl." That killed me. I didn't want to hear her saying that after telling her that I'm a guy. And that's what I told her. Which then led her to "Well there's nothing you can do about it." Which we all know is a lie. But truth be told... I don't have the money for breast reduction surgery, let alone SRS. She refuses to accept it, clearly, since this morning I woke up and she immediately started being all "Oh look my baby girl is awake! I just love her so much." Yes... talking in third person to me and calling me a girl. I hated it.
I just need some guidance from someone who understands. How to I go about my life? I need to live as a male. I can't continue to look at myself in the mirror and see a woman. So... I cross dress. There is a huge issue there. The chest. Binding doesn't work well for me. Size. And I don't particularly know how to go about living as a guy. I've done everything I could my entire life to be as feminine as possible out of shame. I've really messed myself up with that. I need to find myself now. And I need support as I do it. Does anyone have any advice they could give me?
