Explanation, and apologies

[tommykaine.livejournal.com]

I'm posting this because of what I wrote yesterday.

I want to apology for the rudeness of my replies. I was annoyed, depressed, frustrated and on pms. Also physically sick, because I had a fever.

I know it's not an excuse, and I know that what I did was wrong anyway, but please I'm asking you to understand that I wasn't in my best state of mind when I wrote that post, and also when I wrote those replies. I'm sure it's happened to anyone here in some point in their life, expecially when you were young, to be angry and do something stupid because of this.

Again, I KNOW IT WAS WRONG AND I'M SINCERELY SORRY FOR DOING IT. I'm not trying to shift the blame or anything, just explaining why I reacted like that. I'm not perfect, I'm just human, and I make mistakes. That was one of the many I've made in my life, and that I will probably continue to make sometimes, even if I try to avoid it.


And I also want to explain that I didn't write those things to say that "I'm the only one who has serious problems" or something equally absurd, and that some parts were referring to people I know IRL.
I was just frustrated, because I always listen to people when they are upset because of something, even when it's something trivial (and yes, not being able to see you boyfriend for ONE day is trivial, since that person who complained to me gets to see him everyday. It's not they don't see each other for months. I could understand being depressed because of that. But not because for ONE day she didn't get to see him), but when <i>I</i> am depressed or upset, even if I don't complain, everyone suddenly starts avoiding because, apparently, I make them depressed.
And it's not like I'm depressed <i>all</i> the time. I'm usually a pretty cheerful person, but there are times when I'm really upset or depressed and could use some support. What I get, instead, is indifference or avoidance. The only people who seriously listen to me are some of the ones I know online.
And even if those people listen, sometimes they even get to tell me that my problems are stupid. That I make up my own problems. That they just don't understand. And stuff like that.
It's frustrating, really. And that's why I was so upset.
I'm tired of not being able to complain because I'd be seen as an insensitive jerk.

I'm not a bad person, really, or at least I try not to be.
I try very hard to be as honest and just as I can. I try to understand other's point of view even when they are radically different from mine. I try to not think of anyone else's problems as "stupid" because if they make some people suffer, then they can't be stupid problems.

I'm sorry if now you think badly of me because of a day when I was stupid and angry and shouldn't have been allowed access to forum boards. I am sincerely sorry if anyone was hurt or upset because of my words. Usually I don't suck so much (or at least I hope so).

I'm also sorry for not having thanked those persons who actually tried to be helpful. So, thank you all for trying to find some sense in what I wrote, even if it wasn't clear nor well-written. Even if it was full of angst and swear words, even offensive ones.

And I want to thank the mods for deleting that post. It should have never been written in the first place.

So...I don't know what else to say...I hope this is enough to fully explain and apologize to everyone here. I hope I didn't fuck up this time too.
I really feel guilty for what I did, seriously. I'm ashamed of it, and I still feel like crap.
So, yeah. I think that's all I have to say on the subject. I've been stupid and immature, and now I learned my lesson, I hope. Not the first time it happened, but I hope it's my last.