(no subject)

[rottenkid.livejournal.com]

Last week on Thursday, I drove with my dad up to Connecticut to go to the True Colors Conference at Hartford University. I went both Friday and Saturday. The first day was really cool since I got to meet 3 of my rad trannyboy friends (I was kind of shy and awkward though), got to go to some pretty cool workshops, see all kinds of different people and of course I got to be out as trans to people besides my immediate family, online friends and therapists. It was nice being able to be open, and nice to be around so many glbtqi people. Saturday wasn't anywhere near as good as Friday because I barely got to see my friends (though I did meet new people, but it would've been nice to get to hang out with my friends more), didn't get to go to as many workshops, and witnessed transphobia in person for (I think) the first time from other glbt people. (So much for the True Colors Conference being a "safe space", huh?) It upset me quite a bit, but I didn't do anything about it, and neither did another transboy that was in the room, or the transgirls. I was pissed off at the non-trans people being transphobic, but more pissed off at myself for not saying anything when I should have. It seems that whenever someone says something that offends me, I never end up saying anything when it happens, but bitch about it afterwards. I find that stupid. I should try to stop doing that. Because I didn't get to see as much of my friends on Saturday as I did on Friday, I ended up spending a fair amount of time alone, and watching other people engaged in conversations in groups made me depressed. I was also in not such a great mood because a somewhat annoying MtF (accompanied by her annoying friend) I'd ended up going to workshops with was attracted to me and being clingy, and I've been feeling kinda stressed/depressed because of pressure from girls to go out with them, but i want a boy. It also upset me that I didn't get to go to the trans-focused workshops that I'd been wanting to go to, just because the annoying MtF and her annoying friend would rather watch transphobic lesbians, gays and bisexuals play stupid, juvenile games like Truth or Dare and Spin the Bottle, rather than what I wanted to do, which was go to the Transfeminism + other trans-related workshops.
It seems no matter what I do or where I go, even if I'm around people that are supposedly like me, I always end up feeling left-out.
Overall, I guess, the conference was okay, though if I could go back and change it, i would.