Boundaries
Jul. 12th, 2011 03:25 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
marshwiggledyke.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
transSorry, I'm really really a huge noob to all of this. Hallo!
I've recently come out myself as FTM, pre-everything, and have told my friends, who have mostly been really accepting. My parents have not been at all supportive, and I've been living away from home for about three months because of this.
My concern is that I want to be as much of a respectful, enlightened man as possible, but due to spending most of my childhood and adolescence on my own (it's complicated), I have a horrific understanding of social boundaries and knowing what is okay and what isn't. And now that I'm ID-ing as male, I'm getting called on some behavior that was previously okay coming from a butch dyke.
For example, a long-term friend who I've been on lots of road trips with, and have consequently shared a hotel bed with, recently told me that she's no longer comfortable sharing a bed with me, because I was male and she female. I'd never ever thought that our relationship would need a few extra rules because of the FTM thing, but now I'm thinking about it, and thinking about it hard. There's probably a lot of female spaces that I enjoyed that are no longer welcome to me (which is a little saddening, because I've had a lot of fond memories of the lesbian dive in my town) but I just don't want to be an asshole and fuck up my relationships with my female friends (or annoy female strangers, for that matter).
Are there any boundaries other FTMs could advise me on- stories of problems you've specifically run into when negotiating gender dynamics? For that matter, are there any women who would advise me on the kinds of faux pas you abhor in men, so I can not make them? Thank you.
I don't use the gents because I don't pass very well and it's not safe, but I really try not to use the women's unless it is an absolute emergency. :( It feels disrespectful.
I've recently come out myself as FTM, pre-everything, and have told my friends, who have mostly been really accepting. My parents have not been at all supportive, and I've been living away from home for about three months because of this.
My concern is that I want to be as much of a respectful, enlightened man as possible, but due to spending most of my childhood and adolescence on my own (it's complicated), I have a horrific understanding of social boundaries and knowing what is okay and what isn't. And now that I'm ID-ing as male, I'm getting called on some behavior that was previously okay coming from a butch dyke.
For example, a long-term friend who I've been on lots of road trips with, and have consequently shared a hotel bed with, recently told me that she's no longer comfortable sharing a bed with me, because I was male and she female. I'd never ever thought that our relationship would need a few extra rules because of the FTM thing, but now I'm thinking about it, and thinking about it hard. There's probably a lot of female spaces that I enjoyed that are no longer welcome to me (which is a little saddening, because I've had a lot of fond memories of the lesbian dive in my town) but I just don't want to be an asshole and fuck up my relationships with my female friends (or annoy female strangers, for that matter).
Are there any boundaries other FTMs could advise me on- stories of problems you've specifically run into when negotiating gender dynamics? For that matter, are there any women who would advise me on the kinds of faux pas you abhor in men, so I can not make them? Thank you.
I don't use the gents because I don't pass very well and it's not safe, but I really try not to use the women's unless it is an absolute emergency. :( It feels disrespectful.