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transThere's a current article in The Atlantic where black scholars, leaders, academics, and others discuss the most racist thing that ever happened to them. These events are presented as game-changers, moments that color someone's perception of themselves, other people, their past, and their future.
I couldn't help but draw parallels between discrimination described in the article and my own experiences. I don't know what it's like to be black in the U.S.; I don't know what it's like to endure racism. I want to be very, very clear about that. However, I do know what it's like to have a moment when the fog of politeness and social courtesy burns away, and you see yourself reflected as something less than human.
Throughout my transition, I worked in front-facing jobs with lots of customer contact. One afternoon, I was working as a barista, in a crowded urban coffee shop, in the middle of a lunchtime rush. One customer stood a few feet away from where I was working and just stared. I gave her the benefit of the doubt- maybe she's not looking at me, maybe she thinks I'm attractive, or I have something stuck to my face, or I remind her of someone.
Other customers seemed uncomfortable. Maybe she was having a stroke? I asked her something generic and helpful. Her response was, "I don't mean to be rude, but are you a man or a woman?"
"I'm a man," I said. I might have gestured at my (male) nametag.
She kept staring. "Are you sure?"
There is no response to that. I kept working, and pretended she wasn't there. She kept staring, and kept apologizing for her rudeness, as though that somehow negated it. "You're just so pretty," she said. "You don't have skin like a man."
I don't know how long this continued, or how it ended. It took me a day or two to figure out that yes, that actually happened. I've experienced violence, intimidation, degredation, and harassment due to my transsexuality, but out of all my experiences with discrimination, this is the one that changed me.
What's the most transphobic thing that's ever happened to you?
(cross-posted to![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
ftm)
EDIT: fixed markup.
I couldn't help but draw parallels between discrimination described in the article and my own experiences. I don't know what it's like to be black in the U.S.; I don't know what it's like to endure racism. I want to be very, very clear about that. However, I do know what it's like to have a moment when the fog of politeness and social courtesy burns away, and you see yourself reflected as something less than human.
Throughout my transition, I worked in front-facing jobs with lots of customer contact. One afternoon, I was working as a barista, in a crowded urban coffee shop, in the middle of a lunchtime rush. One customer stood a few feet away from where I was working and just stared. I gave her the benefit of the doubt- maybe she's not looking at me, maybe she thinks I'm attractive, or I have something stuck to my face, or I remind her of someone.
Other customers seemed uncomfortable. Maybe she was having a stroke? I asked her something generic and helpful. Her response was, "I don't mean to be rude, but are you a man or a woman?"
"I'm a man," I said. I might have gestured at my (male) nametag.
She kept staring. "Are you sure?"
There is no response to that. I kept working, and pretended she wasn't there. She kept staring, and kept apologizing for her rudeness, as though that somehow negated it. "You're just so pretty," she said. "You don't have skin like a man."
I don't know how long this continued, or how it ended. It took me a day or two to figure out that yes, that actually happened. I've experienced violence, intimidation, degredation, and harassment due to my transsexuality, but out of all my experiences with discrimination, this is the one that changed me.
What's the most transphobic thing that's ever happened to you?
(cross-posted to
ftm)EDIT: fixed markup.