Am I crazy or....

[zoeyprncs.livejournal.com]

I finished school and I'm interning at a wonderful family clinic locally. It's been about two years on HRT and total transition from mtF. I've always dressed and presented female and my voice is finally settling after due diligence. When I got the internship nothing was ever asked of my trans-status which is wonderful. It also happened one of the MA's does know I'm trans since she went to school with me, and no problems there since were great friends and she super active in the LGBT community.

But none of the other staff have asked nor been told, and at this point I have no qualms about them finding out. So in a sense I've gone (cringe for backlash) "stealth" without trying to be. I've been accepted automatically as female with my co-workers and patients. I had dreamed of this day since I can remember, yet whats odd is it's almost anti-climatic. There was no fan-fare and I didn't feel any different, not better not worse, I just felt like well...me. Also on the second hand I almost feel ashamed to be auto-identified as female, I have this gut wrench that feels that somehow I should be obvious and immediately identifiable as trans to the public; I should be that ambassador. I'm not speaking against anyone who wish to pass, because there are many valid reasons to want to blend into the public life without notice, but none of them I am particularly concerned with. It's my dream career to work with or build a non-profit trans support organization, and I weep every-time I find another trans their community has let down.

I just feel a bit confused, I suppose the expectation didn't meet with the result. Anyone else feel this way? Should I just shut up and enjoy it?

The Final Photo Shoot Update

[shelleybear.livejournal.com]

Going to Walgreen's.
Mom wants an actual picture of one of the proofs.
Something she can keep around.
To me, in every and any way, this is acceptance.