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cissexualist support group
Jul. 27th, 2012 01:43 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
martinanonymous.livejournal.comI've been part of an online mental health support group for four years now. It's been wonderful in many ways. I've received support and understanding for many of my numerous mental health problems. I've gotten to know so many people and have grown to care about them. It's been my online home, a place I've spent a ridiculous amount of time on.
However, it is cissexualist. I can't describe the actual problem posts in great detail because of confidentiality. I'm not sure how much I can say at all. The cissexualism is generally not obvious to people with cis privilege, though. People do not say that trans* people are horrible or deserve horrible treatment or anything like that. In fact, when trans* people come out (as I did), people are very supportive. However, jokes are made with hurtful implications. Sometimes it goes beyond that to more obviously problematic things. Either way, it doesn't happen all the time, either. It used to be very rare, though this year has had several problem posts already.
Appealing to the administrators and hosts does nothing because they do not see the problems. Some of them are actually doing this in the first place.
So I posted about it in my blog a few weeks ago. The post got many, many views and quite a few comments. Some of them were supportive. Others were tone policing and otherwise derailing. I tried my best to have an acceptable tone, too. It didn't matter. Getting called on your prejudice hurts, no matter how it's said, and that pain apparently matters more than that of the person affected by the prejudice in the first place.
I don't know what to do now. I do not feel safe there anymore. Every time something cissexualist was posted, I stopped feeling safe, but I eventually returned. It seems worse this time. There's not much point in a support group when one doesn't feel safe. On the other hand, there's still a lot of good information there and a lot of people I care about. Some of these people recently betrayed me, and so I have very mixed feelings about them. Other were supportive. I'd lose both groups. There are very few people I could keep in touch with using email instead.
Advice? Commiseration?
However, it is cissexualist. I can't describe the actual problem posts in great detail because of confidentiality. I'm not sure how much I can say at all. The cissexualism is generally not obvious to people with cis privilege, though. People do not say that trans* people are horrible or deserve horrible treatment or anything like that. In fact, when trans* people come out (as I did), people are very supportive. However, jokes are made with hurtful implications. Sometimes it goes beyond that to more obviously problematic things. Either way, it doesn't happen all the time, either. It used to be very rare, though this year has had several problem posts already.
Appealing to the administrators and hosts does nothing because they do not see the problems. Some of them are actually doing this in the first place.
So I posted about it in my blog a few weeks ago. The post got many, many views and quite a few comments. Some of them were supportive. Others were tone policing and otherwise derailing. I tried my best to have an acceptable tone, too. It didn't matter. Getting called on your prejudice hurts, no matter how it's said, and that pain apparently matters more than that of the person affected by the prejudice in the first place.
I don't know what to do now. I do not feel safe there anymore. Every time something cissexualist was posted, I stopped feeling safe, but I eventually returned. It seems worse this time. There's not much point in a support group when one doesn't feel safe. On the other hand, there's still a lot of good information there and a lot of people I care about. Some of these people recently betrayed me, and so I have very mixed feelings about them. Other were supportive. I'd lose both groups. There are very few people I could keep in touch with using email instead.
Advice? Commiseration?