deed is done - the parents know
Sep. 12th, 2003 03:32 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
kailynbarr.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
transI'm still in a bit of shock, to be honest. I can only imagine what they are feeling.
My father found out first. It didn't quite happen the way I would have liked -- it just sort of "came up." We were discussing my education, which is the big thing between us these days. In fact, it's the whole reason I'm living at home. He was asking, "Why not go to school full time, or transfer to the UW?" I alluded to some problems (including depression) I'd been having over the year. We continued to discuss school matters, and he kept on trying to keep my "personal problems" out of the equation. The problem is, they are very much in the equation.
At first I didn't feel like discussing it, and I told him so, but then I realized there was absolutely no point in avoiding it any longer. It wasn't the way I wanted to come out, but I told him I was having significant gender issues. Of course, he knew this, because I have not been very secretive.
Overall, things went quite well. He didn't totally reject me, and seemed open to getting more information. He did ask if I was "seeing the right people," and also said that I should get a second opinion. I didn't tell him that I hadn't really gotten a first opinion (it seems we're left to come up with our own opinions?)
Apparently this whole thing "scares the shit out of my mother." Interesting, because I was planning on coming out to her first in the hopes she would be more supportive. Boy was I wrong.
However, when we "discussed it" (I'd be hard pressed to call what we just had a discussion, more like her not wanting to talk and focus on other stuff) she was also quite non-rejecting. She obviously has a lot to process and isn't able to deal with it at this point, but things seem promising. She did say that we needed to have a talk, all three of us, to figure out where we go from here (since I'm living there, that factors into it).
One thing that was sort of weird: she said that my letters didn't really tell her anything she didn't know, because she had been dealing with it for about a year. This blew me away -- since that's about as long as I've been dealing with it. Apparently some info on gender reassignment abroad had fallen out of my clothes in the laundry room or something, right when I first exploring this. It kind of hurt, because the letters reflected my personal experience and pain, but there was "no new information" because she had already been exposed to it. She conceded that she hadn't had the whole story, though.
I didn't give my dad any letters, since I was caught off guard. I did have a chance to print out the three letters I've written over the past six months for my mother, however. I gave them to her to read. I can post them if people are interested.
She understands it is more difficult for me than her, and also expressed the sentiment that "they'll be dead in 20 years, but I'll have to live with this for the rest of my life." Sort of odd that way.
Okay, this post is definitely disjointed and disorganized, so please bear with me.
I had made the decision to come out to my aunt first, so I called her yesterday to schedule a coffee date. That was before I got into this with my father, so when I saw her today, it was after our discussion.
My discussion with my aunt went great. She was very supportive and had some things to say which certainly helped. I gave her much more of the details about my plans and worries, and she gave me some much needed perspective on my parents and our family, and how this would fit into the whole thing. She was also excited to see "what kind of babe I'd become." I love her, she rocks.
So the chronology is something like:
yesterday:
call my aunt, make a date for a chat
talk with my dad about school, get into gender stuff
today:
go see my aunt, chat with her
get back home, give letters to mom and "chat" a bit
go upstairs, write this post to get it out there and share with you all
This was a big step, I almost feel like a totally different person now. It's like now I have permission to come out to other people, now that they know. *boggle*
That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.
My father found out first. It didn't quite happen the way I would have liked -- it just sort of "came up." We were discussing my education, which is the big thing between us these days. In fact, it's the whole reason I'm living at home. He was asking, "Why not go to school full time, or transfer to the UW?" I alluded to some problems (including depression) I'd been having over the year. We continued to discuss school matters, and he kept on trying to keep my "personal problems" out of the equation. The problem is, they are very much in the equation.
At first I didn't feel like discussing it, and I told him so, but then I realized there was absolutely no point in avoiding it any longer. It wasn't the way I wanted to come out, but I told him I was having significant gender issues. Of course, he knew this, because I have not been very secretive.
Overall, things went quite well. He didn't totally reject me, and seemed open to getting more information. He did ask if I was "seeing the right people," and also said that I should get a second opinion. I didn't tell him that I hadn't really gotten a first opinion (it seems we're left to come up with our own opinions?)
Apparently this whole thing "scares the shit out of my mother." Interesting, because I was planning on coming out to her first in the hopes she would be more supportive. Boy was I wrong.
However, when we "discussed it" (I'd be hard pressed to call what we just had a discussion, more like her not wanting to talk and focus on other stuff) she was also quite non-rejecting. She obviously has a lot to process and isn't able to deal with it at this point, but things seem promising. She did say that we needed to have a talk, all three of us, to figure out where we go from here (since I'm living there, that factors into it).
One thing that was sort of weird: she said that my letters didn't really tell her anything she didn't know, because she had been dealing with it for about a year. This blew me away -- since that's about as long as I've been dealing with it. Apparently some info on gender reassignment abroad had fallen out of my clothes in the laundry room or something, right when I first exploring this. It kind of hurt, because the letters reflected my personal experience and pain, but there was "no new information" because she had already been exposed to it. She conceded that she hadn't had the whole story, though.
I didn't give my dad any letters, since I was caught off guard. I did have a chance to print out the three letters I've written over the past six months for my mother, however. I gave them to her to read. I can post them if people are interested.
She understands it is more difficult for me than her, and also expressed the sentiment that "they'll be dead in 20 years, but I'll have to live with this for the rest of my life." Sort of odd that way.
Okay, this post is definitely disjointed and disorganized, so please bear with me.
I had made the decision to come out to my aunt first, so I called her yesterday to schedule a coffee date. That was before I got into this with my father, so when I saw her today, it was after our discussion.
My discussion with my aunt went great. She was very supportive and had some things to say which certainly helped. I gave her much more of the details about my plans and worries, and she gave me some much needed perspective on my parents and our family, and how this would fit into the whole thing. She was also excited to see "what kind of babe I'd become." I love her, she rocks.
So the chronology is something like:
yesterday:
call my aunt, make a date for a chat
talk with my dad about school, get into gender stuff
today:
go see my aunt, chat with her
get back home, give letters to mom and "chat" a bit
go upstairs, write this post to get it out there and share with you all
This was a big step, I almost feel like a totally different person now. It's like now I have permission to come out to other people, now that they know. *boggle*
That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.