A transition ceremony

[khandro.livejournal.com]

This is a description of a ceremony to mark my transition that I did at the annual festival called
Burning Man. I thought that some of the people in this community might be interested in hearing
about this. I found this to be a very powerful thing and helped me along my personal transition.



In order to fully appreciate this, I will need to describe the camp that I stayed in. It is what is
called in Burner lingo a village. A village is simply a collection of different camps all coming
together to create something greater, a smaller version of Burning Man inside of BM. The village
I inhabited was called Infinite Oasis. It was comprised of six different camps; Women's Temple,
Pamper Camp, Hee Bee Gee Bee Healers, Arseland, Chocolate Gypsies and my own camp
Wonderlounge. The camp was laid out like an old fashion key hole, a giant circle with a path
leading from the circle to the main street. Physically, the Tunnel of Transformation was at the
center of the circle, around it was a medicine wheel built by the members of the village, around
that was the L2C light sculpture (a ring of lights), the walkway was due south, to the south east
was Wonderlounge, to the exact east was my Rubber Duck camping trailer, to the north was
HBGB, to the southwest was Arseland and Pamper Camp, Women's Temple and Chocolate
Gypsies lined each side of the walkway. The Tunnel of Transformation was made by Chunks
and his crew, which made up Arseland. This is the piece seen in the earlier picture I posted to
this journal. The Hee Bee Gee Bee Healers is a camp of massage therapists, accupuctutrists,
chiropractors and reiki healers that give away their services during the event. In addition, they
hold several classes during the week on different massage techniques as well as other healing
topics. I can not say much about the Chocolate Gypsies or Pamper Camp as I had little to no
interaction with them during the entire week. Wonderlounge was the village bar. People often
gathered in our space to enjoy a few drinks and relax. The camp is made up of mostly Texans
with a few people from San Jose and other places. It is a rowdy bunch and we often wondered
how well we would fit in with a bunch of healer hippy types. It ended up being a perfect fit. I do
not think I am giving this arrangement justice but I hope you will have a small inkling of what
was there.

The sunset is about 1.5 hours away, the appointed time of the ceremony. Chunks and I sit
together on his front porch for awhile enjoying the relative calm of the village. After awhile, I
inform Chunks it is time for me to get ready. My clothes are still in their ziplock bags stuffed in
the closet of my trailer. Grabbing the bag marked boys clothes and my dress off its hanger, I
start to get undress. The first layer of clothes is a beautiful dress made for my ceremony by
Calamity June and a pair of fishnet stockings. I put on my boy clothes, the clothes I wore on the
previous Monday at work. Socks seem the best solution to the shoes vs bare feet problem. The
alkaline salt that covers the ground really eats up bare skin and feet are terrible things to
damage.

While I am dressing, my SO goes out and talks with Chunks about how she is going to light the
Tunnel. I have decided that having her light the Tunnel would be a nice way to incorporate the
love of my life into the ceremony. It is simple but highly symbolic of all the she has helped me
accomplish. She has offered me a place where I can just be me and relax. She has helped teach
me several small things that truly make a woman a woman. And she has loved me with out
condition. For all this I will be forever thankful.

The window frames a picture of Chunks standing next to the Tunnel with two ladders set up to
either side ready for the loading. I call out to Chunks, "Please do not start loading yet. I want to
be the one that puts in the first log."
"I figured," he yells back.

Making the final preparations, I step out of the trailer and head over to the Tunnel. The personal
part of the ceremony is about to begin. I walk a few circles around the Tunnel giving it my
intention for the ceremony, the rebirth it will be witnessing. Finishing the last circle, I pause
facing the Tunnel and contemplate what is about to happen. The wood pile beckons and I head
over grabbing a few logs. Returning to the Tunnel, I climb the ladder. As I reach the top, I
pause, kiss the first log and say, "Thank you for everything. You have treated me well" Thus
begins the final farewell to my masculine energy. I toss in the remaining pieces of wood and
climb down. The helpers swing into full action and begin to load the Tunnel with additional
wood. We begin marching in a circle, each of us taking a armful of wood to the Tunnel and
returning to the woodpile to gather more pieces. After some time, I begin to feel that I am not
having enough control over the loading. This whole ceremony is very personal to me and not
touching all the wood was making it feel as if I was losing some aspect of the power the
ceremony was going to have.

Sensing this, Chunks said, "Crystal, climb up on the ladder and stay there. Everyone else just
hand her the wood."

I have to hand it to Chunks, he is pretty damn aware of what is going on. I climb one ladder and
he climbs the other. Standing up there, we look each other in the eye and smile. I feel it is fitting
that he helps load the Tunnel because without him and it, this ceremony would not be what it is.

Finally, I hear Chunks say, "I think that is enough wood. Hand those last pieces to Crystal," and
he tosses the wood in his hands into the Tunnel.

I grab the last pieces of wood and toss all but one into the Tunnel. Holding the final piece of
wood, I say, "For the future. May it be all that I imagine," and toss it in.

I climb down the ladder and stand in front of the Tunnel facing the Man. I can feel energy start
to pulse through me. I am swaying from foot to foot, back and forth, ticktock. I am nervous,
excited, scared and full of love. I watch as my friends start to stream into the village. As they
come in, some walk to me and give me a hug. At this point I am crying. I really do not
understand why I am crying as I am not upset or hurt. This is a first for me. I have never cried
because I was excited and full of joy and love. As we hug I say, "Thank you for coming. This
means a lot to me that you showed up. And thank you for everything, for all the support and
love you have shown me. Without you, I doubt I would be here now. Thank you." Mostly, they
remain silent and just hugged me as we cry together. After several minutes, we break the hug. I
walk back to in front of the Tunnel and they walk to the outside of the circle. Repeat over and
over again. I liked this very much. It enabled me to connect with my friends as the arrived.
Eventually, the stream of friends stopped and it became apparent that it was time to start the
public portion of the ceremony.

I realized that I was not going to be able to speak in a loud voice between to crying and my
emotions. I called out for a bullhorn and one was handed to me. I walked around the village
announcing that the ceremony was about to begin. A large crowd gathers at the front side of the
Tunnel. I was surprised that so many people had taken time out of their Friday to come join me
for the ceremony. I waited for people to settle in and then finally began.

Everyone was standing outside the outside circle of the medicine wheel. I felt that this was
making the ceremony into a spectator event and said, "If you want, I would like you to join me
inside the medicine wheel if you feel that you want to be part of the ceremony. You do not have
to but if you want to I would like that very much." Everyone walked into the medicine wheel. I
could feel the extra energy that all the people supplied.

I do not remember exactly what I said at this point as I was over run by emotions. All I can
remember is the feeling of love I felt for everyone inside the circle and the support that flowed to
me. I will use a slightly edited version of the words that I sent to my friends at the Orfunner burn
in Austin. I was told that they would be doing a ceremony at the same time for those that were
not able to make it to the playa this year.

"This community is an important part of my life. I am the luckiest girl in the world to have found
this amazing community. Thank you for all the support you have shown me through out this
process. Thank you for helping me to find the courage to make this transition. Thank you for
showing patience as I have learned to be a woman and for teaching me what it means to be one.
I apologize for any confusion that my gender has caused, especially considering how I appear
when I come straight from work. Know that it will never happen again. From this point forward
I will live my life as I was meant to and I owe a large part of it to this community. I do not think
I can ever say it enough, Thank You. I am grateful for allowing me to be me. I love you all"

I hear someone in the crowd call out, "We love you, Crystal." I later found out it was Adrian
neph13.

Though out this speech, I was crying as the love I felt coursed through my body. I was
overwhelmed by it. I could feel it as real as the wind blowing across the playa. I felt connected
to each of them in a way that I have never felt before.

As I finished the words, I got rid of the bullhorn and walked around to the south edge of the
circle facing in to the Tunnel. Gwen, double00range, lit the torch that my SO was carrying. My
SO walked to the Tunnel and placed the torch through the doors on the inside of the arch of the
Tunnel and started the fire. It was so beautiful watching her light my fire in the very real sense as
she has done for me on a spirtual and emotional level for so long. I stood there feeling so
connected to her and our love for each other. As the fire began to rage, Michael Moss (the
village organizer and a dear friend) called out, "Would you like some drums?"

"Yes that would be very nice," I responded.

The drummers move to their drums and I watch the fire build. The fire that would mark my
transformation to a complete female. The flames begin to lick out of the top of the Tunnel. My
friends watched in silence, well mostly silence as many of them were crying. Soon the rhythm of
the drums begins. As I feel the rhythm take my soul, I begin to walk towards the Tunnel. After a
few steps, I reach down and unbutton my pants and let them drop to the ground. I step out of
them and continue my walk to the Tunnel. I can hear my friends gasp and call out. A few more
steps toward the tunnel and I remove my outer shirt. As I close in on the Tunnel, I remove my
t-shirt and walk into the Tunnel wearing only female clothes. Standing there, I feel the heat of the
fire spread through my body, burning away the last remains of my masculine energy. I turn
around a few times letting the fire work its magic on my soul. After a few turns, I face north
toward my old self, the masculine, and bring my hands to my lips blowing a kiss of farewell. I
turn back to the south and walk out of the tunnel as the woman I always knew myself to be. I
reach the south edge of the circle and begin to cry again. I turn and walk around the Tunnel to
gather my old clothes. Heading back to the Tunnel, I feel the last little bit of masculine ready to
leave my body. I enter the Tunnel and place the clothes into each of the inside doors and watch
as they catch fire and burn away. I face south and again bring my hands to my lips to blow a
kiss to my new self. I walk out of the Tunnel and stand there feeling more female than I have
ever felt. I feel complete as I always knew I was and I am ready to be. My friends rush forward
and I am quickly enveloped in a hug by a friend. I hug the person back but quickly realize there
is only one person I want to see at this moment.

"Where is my girlfriend," I call out and push aside the person in my arms. (I am sorry)

The crowd parts and I rush to my lovers arms. We hug for a long while as I cry and thank her
for everything. Love rushes through my body as I stay in her embrace. Eventually, we break our
embrace and I begin hugging my friends and thanking them for coming, being a part of this and
for all the support they have shown me. With this the ceremony ends.