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Feb. 5th, 2005 10:03 am![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
early-vincent.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
transOkay, When I came out as gay some people thought it was nurture over nature. I couldn't really fight against that, since my first memory of an encounter with gay men, was when I got lost at a Pride parade and two very nice young men gave me a balloon and helped me find my parents; it was a great first impression. My first encounter with lesbians was not much worse. One was my babysitter, and she was a large, good humored woman, who did crafts and baked cookies all day. I was a little put off by her partner, who was very butch and believed that children should only speak when spoken to.
My first encounter with a transgender person was much worse. Another babysitter(can you tell i grew up in san fracisco with very accepting parents?) was a pre-op transwoman, who regularly molested me. Why would aspire to be like that? She was definately never a role model of mine.
Sometimes I think to myself that I'll never be happy unless I'm living as a man, but other times I don't. Sometimes I think that I could be content living as a woman. I know that I'm happier dressed as a man, binding and everything, but sometimes I think that I'm only happier while binding, because I hate my breasts. I think to myself that maybe I'll be happy if I just get them reduced. I feel like I'm trapped in this body, but I get confused about what the differences that I need to be happy are. It's not exactly an ideal female body. I'm overweight and top heavy. The more I think about it, the more I think that I'm ftm and just scared. I need to meet other trans people. The only one I know right now is a mtf who is just as confused and scared as I am. The cool thing is that we're both about the same size, so we can trade clothes, which we do.
I would have given anything to see this one seminar at the equality day at the community college. Erin said that this transwoman was there, and everyone left during her speech. I could have talked to her.
My first encounter with a transgender person was much worse. Another babysitter(can you tell i grew up in san fracisco with very accepting parents?) was a pre-op transwoman, who regularly molested me. Why would aspire to be like that? She was definately never a role model of mine.
Sometimes I think to myself that I'll never be happy unless I'm living as a man, but other times I don't. Sometimes I think that I could be content living as a woman. I know that I'm happier dressed as a man, binding and everything, but sometimes I think that I'm only happier while binding, because I hate my breasts. I think to myself that maybe I'll be happy if I just get them reduced. I feel like I'm trapped in this body, but I get confused about what the differences that I need to be happy are. It's not exactly an ideal female body. I'm overweight and top heavy. The more I think about it, the more I think that I'm ftm and just scared. I need to meet other trans people. The only one I know right now is a mtf who is just as confused and scared as I am. The cool thing is that we're both about the same size, so we can trade clothes, which we do.
I would have given anything to see this one seminar at the equality day at the community college. Erin said that this transwoman was there, and everyone left during her speech. I could have talked to her.