...wtf?

[savannahkestrel.livejournal.com]

Well. That was an enlightening conversation with my mom about how I'm brainwashed and insane for "pretending I'm a girl". She's somehow made it seem that everything bad that's happened to her and me in the past three years is because of this, too. Amazing.

"You weren't a girl when you accepted Christ into your heart. You weren't a girl then. This is a faith thing, you need to realize that you're how God made you."

"You're doing this because you can't communicate how you feel, you need to open up your mind and listen to what I have to say. I'm saying this because I love you, and I love you enough to say it."

So. She does this whenever we get into the topic, tonight it was because I needed clothing and just as we were leaving she realized where I had planned to get said clothing and that launched her into this. My mom has her own views on this and refuses to listen to me when I try to respond to what she tells me, at least that's how it seems to me. I'm not trying to be all "Woe is me, my life sucks and my mom is always keeping me down" I just want some advice on how to talk with her. I get so flustered when I'm hit back with her telling me that nothing I say matters because I've been brainwashed by all of my friends. Or how I'm only doing this because I'm popular. Yeah, that's right, Mom. I'm more popular now, I love all the attention that I get because of it. How nervous I am or how much stress and worry it brings me is nothing compared to the high I get.

Her argument, as best I can decifer, is that I've been brainwashed by everyone I've known over the past three years. Such as Natasha (Telan), Laura
sand_dweller, and anyone I've ever been friends with has only "enabled" and brainwashed me into thinking this. And that I'm only trying to run away from my "manhood" or whatnot. God made me this way and I'm doing nothing but live in sin and going against what God tells me to do, the way she says that to me is more like she's God. *shrugs*

She's doing her usual bit now. She's frustrated with me for not listening to her wholeheartedly and said "I'm done talking to you tonight" and ran out of the room and slammed the door. Then every three minutes she comes in and rants some more; Of course, now she's started to drink. So, I need to bail for the night if I want to have any sanity left. It was these kind of nights that made it hard for me to do any homework. Oh well.

I don't know how to talk to her. She automatically discoutns anything I have to say as being lies as I've been brainwashed. So she takes it upon herself to harass me or whatever you want to call it until I give in to what she believes. Oh, and crying? Yeah, that's just me trying to guilt her. Gee.

Any advice is welcome =\

~Sanu