Meek Hello
May. 26th, 2006 12:28 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
cosxoverx.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
transI guess I've been lurking long enough. I've been told in order to help my socialization problems I have to talk to people. I'm so lonely. I guess I'll just talk to the people inside my computer.
I'm a first-year college student, 19 years old, biologically male which has caused me great distress as of late. I started questioning my gender identity back in October when I went to a Transgender 101 seminar type whatchamacallit. I thought I was just an ally until all these feelings cropped up; I was drawn to the LGBT community for a reason. I've been researching, going to therapists, and digging deep into myself and into my past to find out what's going on. Over time I've identified myself as a boy with psychological problems, genderless, an androgyne, a full-blown transsexual bent on transitioning as soon as possible, a transgendered person who might transition but not right now, and just myself. I have been all over the map. I had spent seven months stressing over this when one night I couldn't take it anymore and I said a prayer in desperation. The next day the answer finally came: I'm a lesbian transsexual. Since then I've been more stable and rational. Today though I found out I'm completely biologically male, which has created doubt in my mind; I know what's in your brain is more important, but that's all circumstantial evidence and I need something real... This is definitely nowhere near the end of being resolved.
Katie Lynne Sapphe is the name I go by online. The name I'd use as a girl in real life is a different name. I'm still debating whether or not to open up my identity to everyone, in case someone finds it and traces it back to me; on the other hand, I can still reveal my girl name without revealing my boy name, and if the people I know freak out about it they're not worth knowing anyway, and it'll have to come up eventually. I very much feel like a girl; or at least, how I think being a girl feels like. I'm jokingly obsessive over estrogen and other female stuff right now; I'd like to have it all, including the stuff girls complain about, even though I can't. I don't know if I'd actually be comfortable as a girl, but I'd like to find out. I can laugh at gender stereotypes portrayed on TV, but if someone says something directly to me it pisses me off and I start getting depressed. I consider myself a feminist and can't stand sexism, patriarchical society, Republicans, blah blah blah.
I'm not so sure this introduction is turning out exactly how I'd like it to, but it's good enough I guess. I would very much like a lot of extra help in figuring myself out. I already have my parents, my sisters, a couple friends, and a couple therapists behind me, but I'd like more. I don't get to talk to all those people a lot, so I get lonely. Anybody here wanna be my friend?
Alright, back into hiding...
Cross-posted to _queer_teens_, genderqueer, mtf, transgender, transyouth.
I'm a first-year college student, 19 years old, biologically male which has caused me great distress as of late. I started questioning my gender identity back in October when I went to a Transgender 101 seminar type whatchamacallit. I thought I was just an ally until all these feelings cropped up; I was drawn to the LGBT community for a reason. I've been researching, going to therapists, and digging deep into myself and into my past to find out what's going on. Over time I've identified myself as a boy with psychological problems, genderless, an androgyne, a full-blown transsexual bent on transitioning as soon as possible, a transgendered person who might transition but not right now, and just myself. I have been all over the map. I had spent seven months stressing over this when one night I couldn't take it anymore and I said a prayer in desperation. The next day the answer finally came: I'm a lesbian transsexual. Since then I've been more stable and rational. Today though I found out I'm completely biologically male, which has created doubt in my mind; I know what's in your brain is more important, but that's all circumstantial evidence and I need something real... This is definitely nowhere near the end of being resolved.
Katie Lynne Sapphe is the name I go by online. The name I'd use as a girl in real life is a different name. I'm still debating whether or not to open up my identity to everyone, in case someone finds it and traces it back to me; on the other hand, I can still reveal my girl name without revealing my boy name, and if the people I know freak out about it they're not worth knowing anyway, and it'll have to come up eventually. I very much feel like a girl; or at least, how I think being a girl feels like. I'm jokingly obsessive over estrogen and other female stuff right now; I'd like to have it all, including the stuff girls complain about, even though I can't. I don't know if I'd actually be comfortable as a girl, but I'd like to find out. I can laugh at gender stereotypes portrayed on TV, but if someone says something directly to me it pisses me off and I start getting depressed. I consider myself a feminist and can't stand sexism, patriarchical society, Republicans, blah blah blah.
I'm not so sure this introduction is turning out exactly how I'd like it to, but it's good enough I guess. I would very much like a lot of extra help in figuring myself out. I already have my parents, my sisters, a couple friends, and a couple therapists behind me, but I'd like more. I don't get to talk to all those people a lot, so I get lonely. Anybody here wanna be my friend?
Alright, back into hiding...
Cross-posted to _queer_teens_, genderqueer, mtf, transgender, transyouth.