Childhood

[jadedlemon.livejournal.com]

Hello, I'm new. Anyways, I was thinking about my childhood the last few days... I'm more or less a male to female transsexual. So, here's a summary of my childhood, and I'm curious if any one else went through something similar to this:

When I was very young, between three and six, I always wanted to play with my sister's toys (and almost always did). After that age I was picked on in school and cried easily. I was always singled out as a "freak" and made fun of for being "girly". I had no friends until I was about thirteen (I never had more than three friends, and they were social outcasts kind of like me), and I was always harassed and called hurtful names. I was quiet and shy, but I was supposedly "smart", "mature" and "creative" for my age (I never did my homework so my grades sucked). Between the ages of twelve and fifteen I was very angry at everything, practically scowling all the time, and I was just a real jerk, though kids at school still harassed me. I just really hated myself (I thought it was because I was fat, but now I'm not so sure). I always had trouble fitting in and not knowing how to act. None of this stopped until I was nearly seventeen.

I'm mostly curious about puberty, which started for me around the age of eleven or twelve. I know "teenagers" are supposed to go through "phases", but I just so angry and loathsome of everything all the time. It's scary how hateful I was of everything. I guess I'm wondering if it's "normal" behavior for that age, or if testosterone just had a really bad effect on me.