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Aug. 2nd, 2007 12:31 am![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
octogoggle.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
transSo, its been two weeks since I made this post
http://community.livejournal.com/transgender/1324938.html
regarding my new MTF third grade student, and I just really wanted to thank you all as a whole for giving me some tips and information. I met my new student, and her parents today. It was overall a great meeting, though some of the parent's uncertainty unnerved me and again, left me a little clueless.
May I have a bit more input, now? Now that I've met my student and her parents I feel more at ease but the issue at hand has me worried all over again.
And, Jane** is a pseudonym. Her parents said they didn't use online resources much, and weren't a part of any communities or forums, so I feel pretty safe posting here, even though it is anonymous.
Thanks again :)
http://community.livejournal.com/transgender/1324938.html
regarding my new MTF third grade student, and I just really wanted to thank you all as a whole for giving me some tips and information. I met my new student, and her parents today. It was overall a great meeting, though some of the parent's uncertainty unnerved me and again, left me a little clueless.
Type your cut contents here.
First, the three of us all met together. We toured my classroom and met my sister-teacher in the adjacent room (at my school classes are paired). Once we settled I let them take the lead. Her parents explained that they'd basically just really botched her last school by letting her make a quick, dramatic change over thanksgiving break, on the suggestion of a psychiatrist who wasn't much of a gender expert.
"Well, I think everything should work out then. This is going to be a fresh start, Jane**. No one will know, so no one can make fun of you. Be sure to let me know if you have any problems with another student."
"Thats why I wanted to come here. I don't like lying to the other kids cause I know I'm not reaaaallly a girl (oh god, my heart just about broke) but I think if they don't see me looking like a boy it'll be ok even if they find out. Later." Some 8 year old, huh?
She expressed worry over what bathroom to use and said she didn't like using either, so I told her at our next meeting (we'll be meeting once more before the whole class orientation) we could arrange for her to use the Nurse's bathroom. All she'd have to do is tell me she "had to use her inhaler" or "get her medicine" and I'd let her go with no one knowing. She looked really relieved and laughed when she said "What if I really DO have to use my inhaler?"
At a later point a high school volunteer from a sister school came and took Jane** for a tour of the school - the cafeteria, playground, office, gym. Alone with Jane's parents, they expressed worry over keeping Jane's physical sex a secret, and asked me right out if I thought they should tell the other parents, and the other kids, perhaps at orientation. Oh my. Not what I expected.
"I'm really not sure. We've never had a transgender student in the elementary or middle school. I assumed, though, that since you were letting Jane start fresh at a new school, 20 minutes out of your way from the old school, that you wanted to let her live as a girl, and leave her male identity behind at the old school where she was bullied."
"We're really just not sure. Jane's the youngest in most of our support groups, and they all have been giving us conflicting advice. "
"How does Jane feel?"
"Well, you heard her. She doesn't like lying, even though its not really a lie, per se."
"Lets leave it up to her, and for the next meeting. Let her think about it the next week and a half and decide. I'll also bring it up in our staff meeting. Rest assured that the faculty knows about Jane, and that they're prepared to do whatever they can to protect her from being outed."
The subject dropped off, but its continued to bother me that her parents seem conflicted on this. What do you all think? Do you think I should encourage Jane and her parents to go either way? What do you think is safer? On one hand, I do think its better for the other kids to find out in a controlled environment with adults explaining everything as opposed to accidentally seeing Jane's penis. But then again, Jane has a right to privacy and to be "stealth", I guess you could say. As much as I want her to have the choice to herself I'm afraid of something disastrous happening - in either scenario.
I get to meet Jane again in two weeks - she's going to join my schools summer day camp for a week and I'm going to tag along for a day or two so we can get to know each other a bit; she seemed excited, and said she really liked me (oh, my teacher's heart turned to pudding!). On one of those days I'm going to meet with her parents, and Jane, once more to settle out other kinks. We ended up talking for too long about other things and never got down to having a plan in case of trouble, or in case she's outed (well, this obviously did not come up because the parents don't know if they want to let Jane be stealth or not.)
First, the three of us all met together. We toured my classroom and met my sister-teacher in the adjacent room (at my school classes are paired). Once we settled I let them take the lead. Her parents explained that they'd basically just really botched her last school by letting her make a quick, dramatic change over thanksgiving break, on the suggestion of a psychiatrist who wasn't much of a gender expert.
"Well, I think everything should work out then. This is going to be a fresh start, Jane**. No one will know, so no one can make fun of you. Be sure to let me know if you have any problems with another student."
"Thats why I wanted to come here. I don't like lying to the other kids cause I know I'm not reaaaallly a girl (oh god, my heart just about broke) but I think if they don't see me looking like a boy it'll be ok even if they find out. Later." Some 8 year old, huh?
She expressed worry over what bathroom to use and said she didn't like using either, so I told her at our next meeting (we'll be meeting once more before the whole class orientation) we could arrange for her to use the Nurse's bathroom. All she'd have to do is tell me she "had to use her inhaler" or "get her medicine" and I'd let her go with no one knowing. She looked really relieved and laughed when she said "What if I really DO have to use my inhaler?"
At a later point a high school volunteer from a sister school came and took Jane** for a tour of the school - the cafeteria, playground, office, gym. Alone with Jane's parents, they expressed worry over keeping Jane's physical sex a secret, and asked me right out if I thought they should tell the other parents, and the other kids, perhaps at orientation. Oh my. Not what I expected.
"I'm really not sure. We've never had a transgender student in the elementary or middle school. I assumed, though, that since you were letting Jane start fresh at a new school, 20 minutes out of your way from the old school, that you wanted to let her live as a girl, and leave her male identity behind at the old school where she was bullied."
"We're really just not sure. Jane's the youngest in most of our support groups, and they all have been giving us conflicting advice. "
"How does Jane feel?"
"Well, you heard her. She doesn't like lying, even though its not really a lie, per se."
"Lets leave it up to her, and for the next meeting. Let her think about it the next week and a half and decide. I'll also bring it up in our staff meeting. Rest assured that the faculty knows about Jane, and that they're prepared to do whatever they can to protect her from being outed."
The subject dropped off, but its continued to bother me that her parents seem conflicted on this. What do you all think? Do you think I should encourage Jane and her parents to go either way? What do you think is safer? On one hand, I do think its better for the other kids to find out in a controlled environment with adults explaining everything as opposed to accidentally seeing Jane's penis. But then again, Jane has a right to privacy and to be "stealth", I guess you could say. As much as I want her to have the choice to herself I'm afraid of something disastrous happening - in either scenario.
I get to meet Jane again in two weeks - she's going to join my schools summer day camp for a week and I'm going to tag along for a day or two so we can get to know each other a bit; she seemed excited, and said she really liked me (oh, my teacher's heart turned to pudding!). On one of those days I'm going to meet with her parents, and Jane, once more to settle out other kinks. We ended up talking for too long about other things and never got down to having a plan in case of trouble, or in case she's outed (well, this obviously did not come up because the parents don't know if they want to let Jane be stealth or not.)
May I have a bit more input, now? Now that I've met my student and her parents I feel more at ease but the issue at hand has me worried all over again.
And, Jane** is a pseudonym. Her parents said they didn't use online resources much, and weren't a part of any communities or forums, so I feel pretty safe posting here, even though it is anonymous.
Thanks again :)