While I've always wanted to be feminine....H.R.T. feels somewhat final and that's scary

[irish-deutsch.livejournal.com]

Was referred to the Endocrinologist yesterday....apparently very impressed by my 'mature' attitude...The Endocrinologist was suggested and I agreed that it was a good idea to meet and discuss things with him....see what's available.... and while this is what I've always wanted.... Hormones do feel somewhat 'final'....are they?.... I've no doubt I want to live as a woman..be part of a woman's world...but I'm just not sure how much I can be part of that in reality.... I've never liked being a man...always a struggle...there was never a day that I didn't wish I wasn't....  but I don't believe in the binary straight jacket and don't want to have to conform to everything expected of women....what's expected of both genders in my view is artifical... 

I'm just not a great fan of medicine....of any form I'm a sceptic....and only take anything as a last resort...

Perhaps I'll feel better after a discussion..I'll be waiting 3-4 months anyway....I'd like to have a job that I felt I could remain in...and plan with relative certainty... I usually feel shocks and settle within days.... Just a strange feeling.