gender vs. my other identities

[martinanonymous.livejournal.com]

For this post to make sense, it's necessary to know that I'm an FTM whose been on T for over three years and had top surgery almost three years ago. I'm a baritone and have the semblance of facial hair. It's also important to know that I'm very short with long, blond hair.

Strangers persistently call me a lady when they see (vs. hear) me. It grates on my nerves every time. I want to be recognized as the guy I am. They don't need to get the whole androgynous-but-not-feminine, capable-of-adoring-cute-things-but-not-cutesy-himself, etc. details about my gender. But please, please recognize my basic gender! It's not THAT hard, is it?

I know that there's a simple solution: chop off my hair and send it to Locks-of-Love to make someone else to be happy. But I've never found a short hair cut I like on me, long hair makes me feel safer, and my tresses identify me with my family and with some of my favorite musicians. I like my hair, and I want to keep it. Besides, it expresses the details of my gender rather well. Just not the basic concept. If I can ever grow a "real" beard, that would help - though from behind, I'll still look girlish. At any rate, that will take years.

And until then, I'm going to have to make some kind of sacrifice. Either I can wear my hair and clothes like I like them, wear jewelry at times, act like myself, and feel more-or-less comfortable in my skin - or I can be recognized as myself, feel more comfortable in social situations, and be safer in public bathrooms. Neither is something I'm okay with losing, but it doesn't look like I have another option.