(no subject)

[rottenkid.livejournal.com]

I'm pretty sure my brother knows that I'm trans. He read this thing I emailed to my dad that I wrote, and at the end, I signed it "Your Son, Jordan", and my brother read it, and so I think Thursday night, we were goofing around, and he was saying something about me being a girl/woman and then said "or should I say 'boy'?" and then proceeded to call me a "that" instead of girl or boy. It pissed me off but I didn't think much of it. But I think I should talk to him about me soon, just so if he has any questions or whatever, I can try to answer them so he won't have to be anymore confused than I am about me. I also need to talk to my mom about it, my dad said. And probably my other siblings as well. I'm sort of nervous, but it needs to be done. My mom already knows I'm trans, but still doesn't seem to quite get it.

My dad found me a psychologist who (at least from the first impression I got from her) is really quite wonderful. She calls herself a Sex Therapist, and specializes in transgender issues. She was talking to me on Thursday of last week about how Holland (she's Dutch) has the most trans people out of anywhere in the world, and talked about how trans people are so great and how we're highly regarded in lots of different cultures because we embrace and explore and are in touch with more than one gender and whatnot. Anyway, she seems really great. I was pleased that she started off calling me Jordan (as opposed to my girl name, which I don't like at all) and referring to me using male pronouns, but then my dad said he wasn't used to calling me Jordan or using male pronouns to describe me, and so my psychologist started using "s/he", "boygirl" and "Jordan/Caryn", which bugged me a little bit, but oh well. But as of now, I'm quite pleased with her. Throughout our session, she stressed that I and all trans people need to be protected and need to protect ourselves, and need to be in a safe space when coming out, and she suggested that I should maybe switch schools if/when I do come out, in case of a backlash from idiot close-minded pupils and faculty. But I doubt my parents have the money right now for me to be switching schools, so I guess I'll just try to be careful or something. My psychologist also talked to me about my depression and how lots of trans and queer people get depressed when they're not out yet, but after they come out, they get happy again. I hope that will be the case with me. She also talked a little about hormones and surgery and name-changing, but said I'd have to wait until I'm 18 (but I'm not rushing anyway, since I'm still unsure about all of that, except the name-changing). She did say that she would give me a letter that says that I'm in transition, so in case I got into an accident and hospital staff freaked out when they figured out I'm biologically female, I would have a letter to ease their shock or whathaveyou, so there would be less likely to be any medical malpractice or something like that. And she said I can also get my gender on my birth certificate (I think) changed, but I'm not sure. And we talked about a bunch of other things as well, and she just seems like just what I need right now. She said that she's basically gonna give me some sort of test to figure out if I'm, as she put it, a "bonafide" transgender person. I think what she thinks I am is a transsexual, which I don't consider myself that. Right now I'm just sticking to being transgender, and I think I need to tell her that. But she seems really, really great. Next time I see her, which is this upcoming Thursday, I think my mom is supposed to come to the session as well. Hm.. That should be interesting.

Well, hopefully all will go well.
I just wanted to share about my psychologist, since I'm thrilled that my dad found her. :D


Oh, I talked to my parents about wanting to get either a binding shirt or a compression shirt. Both my parents seem pretty against the idea, especially my mom, but my mom gave me this strange, very feminine-looking dress slip thing (I think that's what it is) that she says compresses you or whatever. Haven't tried it yet. I just want a binding or compression shirt because binding with ace bandages (even 2 of them!) no longer works for me, for the most part, and I find it difficult to breathe, and so on, but I need something, sooo..does anyone have any suggestions about what I should get and/or how to convince my parents to let me get a binding or compression shirt?