Medical Advise for an Intersexed Lady...

[meclamta-eda.livejournal.com]

Okay...

So I have an inquiry for advise, which I'm hoping some folks reading this who are intersexed, or are educated in intersexed issues, or who are actual medical practitioners, regarding myself relating to the medical community.

My situation, boiled down to the basics, is that I am listed as being born male, eventually came out as m2f, and began engaging western medicine to obtain transition over ten years ago.

I recently discovered, over the course of time, that I actually believe that I am/was intersexed in the first place, making me both trans and intersexed. Largely, what keyed me off to this overlooked detail, was my period starting.

"Huh. No wonder the other boys at school didn't know what I was talking about when I described an occasional stabbing pain in my lower abdomen. Huh. Makes sense, I suppose they didn't have uteri to experience that with. Funny that."

As far as I can tell, I actually have a uterus, and while it rarely revealed itself earlier in my life, being on HRT for a while seems to have "woken it up." I also seem to have a "psuedo-vagina," or partially formed vagina, that was, seriously, really not there before. (You can imagine this was an odd discovery to come upon in my mid-twenties.)

Other things that now make sense are details such as my extraordinarily female bone structure, mind structure, and overall appearance. I'm now wondering how I or any medical care practitioner missed all of this, but as my female genetalia seem to have been "hiding" behind my well formed male genetalia, I can see how it would be missed. Most male children are not checked for the presence of a uterus, and well, doctors see so much in black or white (female or male,) and just ignored my feminine shape and proclivities, and frankly probably messed my endocrine system up a bit giving me male hormones around puberty (which makes me wonder if they DID know, and made a moralist decision to masculinize me, without checking in with me. I have no idea if they asked my mom, she had a stroke, and I'll never really know...)

Now, all identity politics and emotional issues aside, I feel my physical wellbeing is at stake here. I've been having some sort of partial period for over a year now, seem far more prone to the sort of infections and imbalances many women experience in there reproductive systems over the years than I was (like, never having had a yeast infection, going on becoming a major concern of mine in hygiene and health. That started sometime after the periods.)

I have some goodly idea of how to care for a cis-female's body and associated systems, being both a healer/caretaker type, a lesbian (having much investment in my lovers' health,) and am actually considering a medical career, largely because it seems we really need more trans and intersexed medical practioners. I know multipe holistic health techniques for caring for the reproductive system of a woman, and they do seem to work on me a bit... but...

I have ABSOLUTELY NO F**KING IDEA exactly how to care for my own health anymore, what baseline health looks for someone like me, and whether I should be concerned that I seem to have periods with cramps, bloating, emotional moodswings, and yet almost no blood, and frankly, I really wonder if its healthy to menstruate without blood coming out. Or exactly WHAT is going on down there.

So, here's the real clincher:

I deathly afraid of the medical industry in America. My mother was the victim of multiple malpractice affairs involving botched surgeries which occurred when I was very young (may have had mysoginyst doctors at the root.) Multiple members of my family have been essentially enabled to become drug addicts by hack psychiatry, and overall, I've had a poor time with my experiences with medical practitioners in this country, events where my doctors actually lied to me about what my realistic options (mainly none) were regarding transition, seemingly to prevent me from transitioning, having to do, I feel, with their personal ethics.

So, yeah. Another tranny traumatized and scared of doctors, right?

I've been getting over it. I'm in Olympia Washington now, and I have several doctors, a primary and another fellow up in Seattle who prescribes my hormones. I've actually never felt like I was treated so well before, with real human respect, and its helping me get over my ingrained fears (which I need to conquer if I'm going to enter the system myself.)

Where I'm at right now, is that NOT A SINGLE PERSON IN THE MEDICAL INDUSTRY HAS ANY IDEA THAT I'M INTERSEXED, and I'm starting to feel like I really do need someone overlooking my unique health issues, and to talk to about my periods and such.

I'm just so scared of being permanently black listed or categorized as "less than human" in the medical records, or looked at like a freak, or having my hormones taken away, or SOMETHING scary. Knowing the case studies into what intersexed persons experience in health care (or at least many horror studies), I don't think these fears are altogether unfounded in reality.

My new doctor, my primary, seems like a nice, receptive and fairly liberal lady. I'm her first trans-patient EVER, and I've acknowledged that I'll have to "break her in" a bit, but I gotta say, I just don't yet feel safe coming out to her as intersexed, as she already needs more education regarding my trans-ness.

I guess my summary question is: Is it in my benefit to reveal to my doctors that I believe I am intersexed, seem to have physical evidence for it, and am curious about maintaining uterine health? Or will that haunt me in a bad way down the line, like being treated as a monster at ERs, or being denied health insurance, or otherwise having my transition interrupted?

Does anyone on this list have first person, second person, activist or medical experience in these situations? The ISNA seems to have ceased existing, and I just don't know where to turn.

Worst case scenario is that I'll just keep studying health, and self diagnose and treat any issues that come up, but if I do indeed go into medicine, it will be YEARS before I even start to approach being a medical practitioner regarding my own body. My withcy herb-craft may reduce cramps, but does it totally care for me?

I guess, I'm also asking if anyone has links to, or titles of, good documents or books or websites for breaking your doctor in to trans-care issues, and intersexed-care issues as well. I want to help her help me, I rather enjoy good health.

I realize this may not be an easy query, but thank you anyone for reading this, and offering any advise.